Lately, life has been a rollercoaster, and I feel like I’ve forgotten what my favourite things even are. Between surviving heartbreak, trying to heal, dealing with emotional distress, and struggling financially, I barely recognise myself anymore.
I used to enjoy watching movies, reading, listening to music, and sleeping. Those were the little things that made me feel calm. But lately, it’s been hard to do any of them. Most of my time now is spent scrolling through hundreds of TikTok videos or sleeping, and when my phone dies, I just sit there wondering what I’m really doing with my life.
Sometimes, I cry quietly because I feel empty. At night, I stay up looking for jobs online, hoping something will work out, but nothing ever seems to change. Being the first child and first daughter only adds to the silent pressures, and most days, it feels like I’m carrying a weight I can’t explain to anyone.
These days, TikTok, music, and sleep are the only things filling my time, but they don’t actually make me happy. Deep down, I know they’re not really the things I love. They bring temporary comfort, but the guilt always creeps in whenever I’m away from my phone. It feels like my whole life revolves around it, and I hate that I don’t have anything else that truly makes me happy without it.
I know I enjoy reading and writing, but I can’t remember the last time I picked up a book. This is the first piece I’ve written all year, and it’s been over a year since I last wrote anything. I want to go back to the times when I could get lost in the things I love, but now, reading feels like a chore, and movies—even my favourite K-dramas and animes—just make me fall asleep.
Still, I want to find my spark again. I recently started watching a Korean drama, and even though it takes me more than a day to finish one episode, I’m enjoying it. I also came across a book titled Close Protection, and I’ve decided I’ll start reading it tomorrow.And also, I read two chapters of a book tofay titled “Purple Hibiscus” by Chimamanda Adichie.
I’m also going to push myself to write a little every day, even if it’s just a short piece. Maybe, by slowly doing the things I used to love, I’ll find my way back to myself—and maybe life will feel a little brighter again.
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Yeah, take your time and go at your own pace, you'll do fine.
Thanks for joining in.
!LADY
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I am sorry that you are struggling so. I wish I had a magic fix it all piece of advice for you. Take one day at a time and begin, as you plan to, doing a little each day of the things you loved to do. Keep looking for a job; is there something you do, like a service, or a craft, that might turn into a business side hustle for yourself? Just thinking out loud here.
Please take care; chin up; things will come around. !LADY
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STOPI am also the first born in my family, I am very familiar of my parents expectations and the responsibilities put on our shoulders @happihive
Let's say I didn't meet my Mom's expectations, not even close. Eventually, she accepted that I have to be happy with my own choices and terms.
!LADY
btw, I prefer paper novels than in digital format.
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