Crazy little thing called Life.

My point?! I suppose, in short - we are all carry our burdens and demons. We have ALL crossed many a rickety bridge, failed at learning the right lessons in time, hurt people we did not intend to, shot ourselves in the foot, mouth and back of the head and most importantly - we are ALL cluelessly, hopefully and passionately navigating this thing we call life - day by day, (including our parents... mine and yours). Having a teenage son is a daily reminder of this.

Some of you may know me well, others not so much... and plenty - not at all! I gave my heart and soul to Hive for almost half a decade. I did a LOT for this community and the people within it (as did they, in return) and I have been met with resistance PLENTY over the years, mostly because I don't have a filter accompanied by a low tolerance for bullshit.

I left because of the HATE and my inability to cope with it all after my moms passing... and I came back after two years, because of my passion for writing and connecting with like minded souls. I needed the break because I lost my best friend - my life was a mess and I just seriously could not see the light!

There were countless times I craved the warmth of the people I knew around here, so twice I created alt accounts and began blogging on those under the "guise" of other characters. The shoe never fit well and to be frank, it just felt EMPTY. Why? because I could not be myself. I could not share like this - like I always did! Neither of those attempts lasted more than a couple of months, if that - I have not double checked that time frame fact... I am going on guesstimation - so feel free to check yourself... @eliza.anne & @exploringella were the handles.

Why am I sharing this? because I have nothing to hide and I am TIRED of people of attacking me. @azircon @erikah - I said it in my "return" post I dont have ANY interest in drama nor conflict. I simply want to be able to write, share snippets of my journey and enjoy this space and the good people within.

I won't lie though - it was ALWAYS the fear of retaliation like yours which kept me away - made me fearful of coming back "as me". If it was not this, it would have been "that". Someone would have reminded me that once or twice a year I would "re-share" content I already had - "DAMN YOU POST RECYCLER!!!!" No, we won't look at any of the positives you added to this space in 4 years - NO, we will DROWN you in your sins! CHOKE ON THEM! Despite being a leader here for a very long time, the bullies in this space triggered absolutely EVERY fear within me when thinking about coming back as MYSELF! - How fncked up is that?!!!!

I KNOW for a FACT that I am not the only person who feels this way about the "clout" in this space - and even after two years... it has not changed. Not unlike real life though.

So - there it is! The TWO horrible things I did. Burn me at the stake!

1. I re-shared my own written content once or twice a year.
2. I attempted to re-join this space for the release of writing under the guise of two other characters so I could just be left in peace to WRITE! (but even that didn't happen did it @erikah because it took you less than ten seconds to interrogate the dates on my photos, lol)

So. Here I am. Full Transparency!

I have had it AD NAUSEUM with KEYBOARD WARRIORS and CYBER BULLIES.

What else would you like to interrogate me on? because this is the ONLY time and comment thread I will entertain it. Moving forward you will get NOTHING from me! I did NOT come back here for drama or politics, but @azircon - you downvoted my "so what did I miss" post - because it was a "shit post" in your words - then after that, YOU went against your OWN word... (the stickler for ethics and the HIVE "eco system!") when downvoting my PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE RETURN POST after CLEARLY stating that it did NOT warrant a downvote. You further tried to bully me into a corner on my comments re. my alt accounts - which is no doubt what triggered the downvote - after I did not react to your "open slander" comment. Yet, I openly shared this fact with the people who DO give a crap about me - why? because I am not ashamed of being a flawed human. The only person who seems to be enormously bugged by me... is YOU.

Let me remind you of your own words (with an appropriate priority of context revision):

The World and Hive is much bigger than YOU!

Let's also take a look at the comment you made on my PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE RETURN POST after already downvoting my so what did I miss" post.

Like I said in my PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE RETURN POST...👇

I would appreciate an explanation for your downvote on my PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE RETURN POST which you yourself said did NOT warrant a downvote... 👇

In your words:

Nothing personal

This is as much about principle for me, as it was for you... when you set out to attack me re. the "Hive Eco System". Like I said - I am not here for drama, but I am nobodies doormat. All my cards are on the table now. Kindly move on! Those who choose to stick around because they can identify with my "humanness", will - and those who don't - won't. I am perfectly fine with either and both.

Again, in your words:

Universe will do universe.

I have no ill feelings toward ANYONE here. I just want to write, have fun, enjoy the space and be myself. If you don't like me or what I have to share - MOVE ON!!!!!!!!!! That is how it works everywhere else in the world! I will NOT engage in ANY further politics nor drama. I am a living, beathing soul. My writing is decent and I am NOT a bad person - I will NOT allow space in my life for people who are simply there to spite me for their own satisfaction and bitterness.

How about - instead of "hating" one another for petty BS, we try and get to know, or at least understand one another a little better! I am pretty sure it will render more positive results long term.

I am here to stay. I would very much like to do so WITHOUT animosity.

Please.

In closing, the painting shared in my header - was one done by my mom. Having grown up in Zimbabwe, with her dad as the head game ranger at Hwange National Park she had a great love for elephants. I chose to use this image because it reminded me of who I am and what I am doing. Even in her absence, her solid and sound approach toward life will continue to guide me.

Life is crazy enough without us all trying to destroy one another - faaark! I just dont have the energy for this level of shit anymore! I just want to be happy! I just don't understand why people are so hellbent on drama and destruction nowadays. We are ALL IMPERFECT!!!!! How and WHEN did we all forget that ACCEPTANCE of this fact is ABSOLUTELY intrinsic to a healthy life?!!!

I would like to become a better person, despite my failings and shortfalls. I want to show my son that life does not have to be as emotionless and brutal as what I and my parents grew up to know. I want to embrace the things that count, savour the moments which matter and discard the ones which don't.

Life is short. I choose not to squander it.

❤❤❤

Until next time...
Much Love from Country Bumpkinland, South Africa xxx
Jaynielea

_{ALL IMAGES ARE MY PROPERTY UNLESS OTHERWISE CREDITED
Typos make me human. I may or may not get around to correcting them.}

“One's dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.”
― Michael J. Fox