Diary of a tradeswoman( uncensored ): rambles and the wisdoms learned getting old

What's buzzing Hive!

I couldn't sleep, decided to have a coffee and somehow got inspired to write another perspective piece. One about getting old...Being sick I slept for a week and a half strait, the longest I could stay awake was about half hour at a time. Then I couldn't sleep for 3 days. It was harsh but then again, how much can a person sleep. A week and a half just vaporized in a hard slumber like a fart in the wind...just gone. Since then my sleep patterns are all messed up, I can only sleep every day and a half now but sleep for longer at a time. Sometimes my own overthinking prevents me from sleeping. This post will not be about my photography at all and will be a pretty long about probably nothing ,some of my experiences in the skilled trades as a woman. None of the images are mine and are all circulated publicly by various unknown artist none of them are mine but are relevant to the story and for the sake of breaking up the text. I start off with my favorite and one of the most powerful image created to uplift the spirits and support sisters in what sometimes feels like an unkind world.

Lots are kept up over thinking at night often with regrets or un-chased dreams full of wat if's, not me. It's more in a sense of I'm a natural overthinker. I like to analyze things, not necessarily bad things, just things, situations, what I've learned or should learn, how can I solve a problem I may be having. I'll be 40 in a few years so I got a few miles to go yet but I've put in a couple as well. At my age, we look at things much differently than we did when we were 20, shocking...right? lol I'm sure everyone my age or older can say the same.

Some of you may already know, some of you may not, at a young age, I decided to move away from my hometown and go a non gender traditional route and join the boys at work in the oil , gas and energy industry. Definitely a pioneer for the times. 15 years ago, there wasn't too many females on site. We were not welcomed at all and sometimes I was the only one. I remember being in an isolated northern camp with 200 women vs 4000 men and most of them were camp cleaning and cooking staff not actual skilled tradeswoman. I did that for months and fly back home every two weeks, it was the only work out there at that time. I hated it and it was a creepy experience being a fair looking female.

Men would walk into walls not paying attention where they were going, others where taking picture of our behinds as we walked by. If I had a dollar every time someone asked me to go to their room, I probably wouldn't even had to show up for work and make the same $$. Just like one big piece of meat on a stick dangling in front of a pack of hungry wolves. Back then, sexual harassment wasn't a thing...Just be happy we let your bitch ass here was the moto. The personal protective equipment would never fit, size 13 gloves when I wear size 8, giant coveralls. A lot of my job feels like I'm a human sized cotton swab stuck in long skinny places because I'm built like a string bean so loose fitting clothing gets caught and torn on hardware the whole climb and becomes a fall hazard, some of this equipment is over 200 feet tall.

Some places we were even lucky to have a female bathroom on site but not everywhere. I remember a few jobs where I was just using the male bathroom and I kept getting in trouble everyday because everyone complained. I'm not an animal, I enjoy indoor plumbing and running water as well, maybe even wash my hands for lunch...just maybe! The guys complained enough about my willful intrusion and disregard for their privacy and eventually got us a female washcar. Now it has become the standard and pretty much law.

I even took a ride home with a rapist/murderer once and I'm willing to bet I have worked with others. He wasn't at the time but became one a month later. I was supposed to carpool to work with him because we were on the same crew and and odd shift to everyone else with overtime but something seemed wrong with him, I couldn't tell what tho but I never got in with him again. Since we were unwanted there in the first place hardly anyone would come to our rescue or take a stand. There is a point and time working in my trade as a female was terrifying (well it still kinda is but less). I knew what I was getting into, sorta. My odd and abusive upbringing, I was scared for most of it anyway and still faced things I didn't want to at a very young age, it's always been my normal I guess so I just carried on.

During that time, I saw many women come and go because they just couldn't mentally handle it, I don't blame them, it's rough indeed but the money was good and at the end of the day, I wanted a comfortable living...Eyes on the prize I kept telling myself, the rest is just noise that don't matter. Some days I would go cry in the bathroom because the alternative was walking in the lunchroom grabbing my bag and just leaving to go home...I have also done that.

As an apprentice there was no way to speak up, back in the day it was speak when spoken to, just telling your journeymen to f-off got me in a lot of trouble, it didn't matter that he grabbed my ass while I was working. Telling your foreman he's a POS loser was also a lot of trouble...even tho he tried to exchange a less shitty job for a blowjob, none of this mattered, we just had no say as apprentices or as women, it was frustrating. I'm stubborn, I never cared if I lost my job telling someone from the good old boys club how ridiculous they are with their inflated egos and entitlements and got punished lots for it. No I wont do blow with you in the back of your car in the parking lot after shift.

A few of us persevered and took the bullshit, built a reputation for our gender over time, things got smoother and more women joined. Retention rate is still a problem but getting better. Fighting back wasn't really an option, they already see us as bitchy so it would just aggravate the situation, at the same time you can't let them steamroll you cause they will. You become good with communication skills and situational awareness after a decade and a half...And they say girls are dramatic! OMG

Now the fact that I have a degree and a half helps with credibility and being even stevens on qualifications, I can tell a clown he looks and smells funny and there is nothing they can do about it but whine. I still have to deal with the tons of rumors but I can generally shut many of them down quick, many being I slept with them on the roof and did something embarrassing, then I say yeah and he had a small one and screamed his mama's name even tho none of the entire story is true. Then the rest know better, mess with me I'll mess with you more. I don't know how they don't see it coming. It's like some run right into it...Like it's my first bbq or something. Mind you it's not even most of the men at work but there is enough rotten apples in the bunch.

I think by now to most it's become the entertainment because I always react differently and those that have known me for 10 to 15 years know I'm like a grizzly bear and I will defend my turf. I even got a tattoo of a grizzly paw on my back when I was 18 or 19. In indigenous culture it's signifies courage as one of the Seven Grandfather Teachings. They are a set of 7 sacred values to live by for a peaceful and gentle life each represented by an animal. Also integrated with the braiding of sweetgrass, I get that question a lot, why they are so protective of the sweetgrass culture and don't like other people exploiting it's novelty. It has meaning and many intentions while braiding for good juju, don't underestimate the power of intention. Long story short on the meaning, 21 strands of grass divided in 3 for 7 Grandfather teachings, honoring the seven generations before and thanking the 7 generations of the future for letting us borrow their planet and resources.

Now that we got off topic, lets get back on track...many girls there were like me trying to fit in to a degree, the ones that were slightly older were just as bad as the guys, who can blame them. Most of us just wanted to be a fly on the wall and do our work without being harassed or layed off for some ridiculous reason like being a distraction to the boys(yes it's happened before). Some newer women had ulterior motives and didn't help women's overall reputation but those are also the ones that never lasted, take two steps forward one step back. Well I guess we are still one step ahead than we were before I kept telling myself, one step at a time. We had to break our fair share of glass ceilings back then. Rocking the boat is one thing but you still don't want to capsize the friggen thing. The good news, we are a temporary workforce so our positions and worksites change constantly and ya never know who you be sitting next to in the lunchroom and every bad situation comes to an end after a few weeks. They have a saying, get em on the next one (when my employment isn't in their hands).

Luckily, I had a mentor, Carole. She was a sweet old lady and a wise tradeswoman, she had 10 more years experience before I started so we quickly became close and she helped me deal with a lot of the mental challenges that came with the territory. Ignore the noise and how to peacefully but forcefully establishing my boundaries until they are respected. We still talk to this day, she is enjoying retirement and now I get mentorship from her on how to financially prepare for my own retirement. Over the years I have built many valuable relationships with workmates that I have enough that will stand up for me now or look after me on jobs making sure I'm not getting harassed or whatever. Times have changed for the better with one woman at a time, one small victory at a time.

As we get older, we become our parents and judge the incompetency and emotional state of the next generation but much like we experienced back then, the landscape has changed and the new generation is encountering their own advantages or difficulties we didn't have to face. Equally important battles to them even if we may not understand them much like our parents didn't understand ours. Takes a while to grasp that but wisdom comes with age and life experience, what if we knew then what we know now! I probably wouldn't change a thing (well maybe a few but I would still chose the same career path).

Now after getting used to being the youngest all the time, 15 years have passed, the last half I have been more on the mentoring side than the learning one...now that's a whole new learning curve full of a new set of challenges. When do you stand up for the boys and when do you stand up for the girl when ridiculous shit happens? Now that's a sticky situation. In our industry, the language is very abusive to each other male or female and tempers flare. Sometimes sexist stuff is said because they have no people skills and the girl attracted the problem to herself since now the pendulum has swung the other way and any mention of harassments, guy gets fired no investigation, that becomes a slippery slope for exploiters of the system. Also not most women but enough rotten apples in that basket too. I found myself caught between that drama as a witness to many situations that were blown out of proportion.

My generation of tradeswomen had an understanding with the men, if you would say it to another guy, by all means, we don't come here to make men uncomfortable or not allow them to be men, at the end of the day, I think that was a big fear they had, afraid that women would woman up the workplace since most of them can't truly be themselves in front of their wives work is their natural habitat. Took me years to figure out that was the problem all along. Hard to explain that to the young women coming in because their feelings towards offensive language or comments that can come across as sexist is also valid, everyone has the right to feel safe at work. You gotta learn to take some and to leave some, not every hill is worth dying on, stick to the important ones that can be won with a lasting impact and it's a hard lesson to learn. They do not understand what we had to go thru for them to arrive in the landscape they did even if it doesn't look very progressive to them. We work in a physically rough environment challenging even for a dude.

Genders communicate differently and that leads to many stupid situations. Back to the agreement, you can think I don't belong but don't say it my face or treat me less than because of my gender and we wont have any problems, I didn't come here to make friends. Never call me a cunt but if you want to use a cunt's hair as a measurement, by all means, before panties get in a bunch, it's an actual old measurement reference common with old riggers with 40 years experience. Most use the imperial system but millimeter is more precise but they never learn the metric system like our generation did and that's how they refer to a millimeter for the sake of accuracy. Since it's a trigger word and they can get in a lot of trouble for saying it since there is no investigation, it can cost them their job.

We assemble and dismantle big things and often when working with cranes, accuracy and communication is extremely important so is trust even if it's a stranger. You have to literally trust them with your life. We have a saying, you don't know trust until you have to hold a hammer wrench for a 300lb guy you just met swinging a 20lb hammer to get a tower manway open when mechanical means isn't even strong enough to get them old overbaked rusty bolts off (especially if they are dum-dums and get the place painted because it looks more appealing), there is nothing we can't do, we are human machines, give us a hammer and we'll fix anything.

Gender disputes sometimes cause gender tensions by default since both sides have most likely experienced or witnessed a bad gender related situation in their career and that erodes trust when working with a stranger on both sides...You just don't know whacha gonna get on the other end. Sometimes we remove smaller components (still weight several thousand pounds) out of a tight corner at a bad crane angle where other mechanical means is required to prevent load swinging without getting the load caught on equipment or the structure and create damage or worse strike and kill a worker or loose a limb and permanently impair someone's life and career...serious stuff folks, real dangerous. That's where the "offensive" measurement comes in handy and I use it to break the ice when working with the old riggers and crane operators, they almost get comfortable instantly...You can see the sigh of relief and a weight off their shoulders. YESS...I CAN BE A MAN, CALL MY LOAD AND NOT GET IN SHIT...is probably what they are thinking.

Some newer women call it gaslighting and obliging or minimizing myself to fit in yet I'm comfortable in that environment and not offended on bit as long as it isn't directed at me. The advantage they do not yet understand or have experienced perhaps because of their defensive approach, they may seem crass but you get passed it and learn to ignore it and just allow them to be themselves, it goes a long way and they can become the best mentors and after 40 years in the trade, they have quite a few tricks in their tool belt and once you get to their soft spots they become great allies to have in the future and extremely loyal and begin to request you as partners for more important jobs and learn even more technical skills, someday they may even be your foreman or superintendent on other jobs and they make sure I'm well taken care of, all because I just let them be men (themselves) within agreed reason, meeting halfway, true equality in a sense. There is two sides to the gender equality argument, some forget that when fighting for their perceived rights. Who knew there was a gentlemen under that beast! Stranger things have happened.

Some of them are pretty bad tho, but the more crass they are the knowledge gained better be good. I'll listen to stories about hookers in Thailand or how stupid the government is for banning half their guns all day long but I better get something good out of it with some limited boundaries and we'll have no problems, I'll even let you hit on me(with reason) a time or 2 per day for some good crane rigging or welding tricks as long as you know nothing will ever come out of it but an eye roll. Feel free to call your tools, loads and measurements however you have been calling it the past 40 years. I'll even join in because I'm not looking to un-man the place up or shit on anyone's manliness, just another dude looking to do a job for a paycheck, pay my bills and it's served me well. Sometimes they actually forget I'm female if they have known me a while, it's all we ever wanted at the end of the day...To be given a chance to prove ourselves as equally worthy and valuable on a jobsite.

They see it now, instead of 300lb gorilla playing q-tip inside the 200+ feet tall tower with a wedgie from bunched up fall arrest gear getting caught on a bunch of tiny hardware that is purely there for show (rescue purpose) miss string bean over there can be the q-tip(we have to wear a biohazard or Tyvek coveralls as well so we do legit look like one too). There is a job for every man and a man for every job. I might be pretty useless at lining up a 52 inch flange back into place or swinging a big hammer but climbing in tiny congested spaces like a ninja is my expertise.

For those of you who (if any) wonder what is it exactly I do and trained for? I'm a redseal welding engineer by trade (glorified welder with codes and metallurgy knowledge and certification along with the skill to join the metals for high pressure generating equipment, it's a 3 year program) but learned my whole apprenticeship with the boilermakers (a different 3 year niche program)and also have an active apprenticeship in the mechanical side of the equation. In simple form I'm a cross between a powerplant and refinery mechanic/blacksmith with a dash of engineer (we make their vision come to life from their prints so we require a lot of similar knowledge and often work under their direction on critical equipment like reactors).

Picture one big piece of ikea furniture and the instruction manual to work from is actually 3X 3" binders for each piece of equipment all written in codes and symbols with measurements. All that big stuff you see when you drive by a refinery, we build in the shop, bring to site and erect into it's permanent place, fix, refurbish, maintain and replace the equipment when it ages out or meets an unfortunate fate prematurely. I don't work at a specific plant I spend a little time at ALL of them over and over again, quite a mix bag of experiences learning a lot of different fields and tasks, always adapting to a new environment, new people.

I take solace in knowing the fact that if I'm stuck with an asshole for a partner or foreman, it's only for a few weeks, then I get a new asshole(sometimes you see them on the very next job and your stuck working with or for them again...I'll be dammed...Don't you hate when that happens! LMFAO...Love em sob's anyway in their own window-licking short bus special kinda way. A lot of people look down at tradesmen these days but we are not all just dumb knuckle draggers, some us are pretty educated and highly skilled, why we are highly paid, not just useless union lumps of flesh.

Despite all the drama crap and the eyeroll moments, it's a rewarding career that can change your life if you look passed the ugliness and willing to put up with a few unpleasant things. I was raised in the foster care system, I didn't have much of a chance at going to university or become anything that special because it's too expensive but skilled trades offer apprenticeship/mentorship programs where a portion of the learning is done in school and another portion well paid on the job training and mentorship program. Many big companies are even willing to pay for a portion of the schooling if it's a high demand skill with expected or current shortages as the baby boomers age out of the workforce.

Seeking a more diverse workforce and to be more equality sensitive, it's become easier for women to take a non-traditional path in life and somehow come spit out on the other side minimally chewed up. As the boomers age out, many companies are looking to women to fill labor gaps along with offering scholarships (trust me your odds are pretty good since the number of female applicants is still pretty low) Canada also offers grants after completion. If you feel like you are going nowhere in life and stuck in a corner because you were born or got stuck in less than desirable circumstances, think outside of the box, there are rewarding options hidden under all the madness life has to offer if you dare carve your own path in life. Last time I checked, opinions and criticism don't pay my bills or yours and put a roof over my head so you learn to ignore a lot just because it's just not worth the time to get into it. Don't be afraid to march to the beat of your own drum even if you're the only one that hears it. Aim for the stars, you may not get there but you could still land on a comfortable cloud and change your life just the same.

You may not always get treated well, you will probably cry in the bathroom too just to save face on some days, you will love your job on other days, sometimes both in the same day. We are collectively working on that for the next generation of women with each of our trying moments. As we get older even if we hate to admit it, it's time for us to think about passing down the torch at some point but we must prepare you first, educate you in the intricate balance of the gender truce we established along with the skills required to do everything with nothing at all and turn it into something functional. You may not agree with it all, you may have your own agenda. That's ok and for you to decide what kind of ripples you want to create in the gender pool but remember every action has a reaction and sometimes ripples collide. We had different battles than you will face and we will never truly understand each other across generations because of that and you must learn to accept that.

Analyzing my 4 year journey on Hive, I noticed many similarities with my journey at work. Not necessarily gender issues but the disagreements between old school Hiveans and the new school. We have different visions and you will never understand where we come from until you spend considerable amount of time riding the waves of the community. You may question motives and intentions, chances are you might be surprised at the answer if you ask why. Some things you will never understand why because we came in at a different time in this is an everchanging ecosystem complete with people all over the world with different ideologies and social classes and backgrounds that regularly comes and goes. It's easy to assume things and often times we assume the worst without reason. What an accomplishment that we can all come together for the greater good of our cozy internet nest!

If you are new around the platform (and still reading), you wont get what you want or expect and may be resentful at times most likely and it seems like it isn't fair sometimes, maybe it is, maybe it isn't. We have all been there once too. No matter what, just be you and be persistent, claim your place. Don't take this too seriously and expect no outcomes and you wont be disappointed. As you build a reputation and roll around the sun a few times, you will understand many of the why's and will be more visible within the community. Just like my apprenticeship, it takes time and let it be a lesson on patience and perseverance. Nothing good comes easy, Hive is no different...it's a long term hustle but once you look back, you ill be happy to have taken the plunge and stick to it, one blog at a time...Just keep showing up. Sometimes earning respect just takes a little while but our impatient selves forget that and it's a perfectly normal human emotion especially in an attention driven environment.

Just like hiking in the Rockies, don't worry about the hills ahead or how hard it's going to be, just start walking and climb them one at a time, you can always take a break. Next thing you know you'll turn around and see the most beautiful view of all the hard work compounded.

I'm taking a self-conscious chance posting this, if this is too raw for the blockchain or #LadiesofHive, let me know in the comments.

Happy Friday and have a good week-end my friends. XOX