LOH Contest #242 || My First Entry Here!

Hello ladies! It's me ridgette and it's my first time participating in LOH weekly contest. I've been meaning to join this one, but I just kinda forget it along the way. Also, I'm somewhat hesitant to share my opinion here, so I just observed the discussions here for some weeks before I decided I was finally ready. So now that I finally got the will to write my first blog here, let me share with you my thoughts about the questions given this week. The first question was all about ruling the world, but honestly, I don't have a knack or interest in anything related to leading. I had enough of that during high school and even in my elementary days and for me those days were quite hellish.

I've been a constant honor student and it's really a common stereotype here among honor students to lead. That's why even in my younger years I've been exposed to such responsibility. However, as I grew up I realized how much of a burden it is to me. I don't like leading that much because I'm honestly not a team player most of the time. I function at my best when I'm alone—well not really all the time alone, but I'm comfortable when I work on my own. I definitely value my personal time because those times are my breathing time whenever I'm done with my house and school obligations.

Further, the value of those times rose higher as I was diagnosed with SLE Nephritis (kind of Lupus). Unlike before where I scantily had those times, now it became a necessity for me to have those and so I decided to lay low in that field of leading. I was a representative of clubs and a leader of various groups in the consecutive years of my senior high school, so when I was in college I chose not to participate in any leading organization anymore. So when I encountered the first question here, those not-so-good experiences came back to me and of 'course given what I am now, I totally wouldn't want to participate in such responsibility again.

So moving on from that, unlike the first one—I can definitely answer the second question which is:

A mystical and powerful being offers you the chance to reincarnate, but you must choose between two options: the first is to keep the memories of your past life but without meeting the same people again. The second option is to forget everything but find the same people around you reincarnated just like you. Which would you choose and why?

This one is really a detailed question, and unlike with, I believed, most of the ladies here chose, I will choose the first option which was to keep the memories of my past life but in return, I will not meet the people I'm with in my past lifetime anymore. I know I probably sound selfish, but I'm indeed selfish because I don't want them to meet me anymore. I feel like having me in your life is like tying yourself to a rock that's falling on a cliff. I'm not in denial that I became the source of my family's misery. I'm not insensitive enough not to notice their sighs, their mumblings and even their tired looks. I even don't want to be me when I'm reincarnated.

I feel like I'm becoming a burden to them, and even without my condition now I know I'll eventually self-destruct myself. So looking back at it now, it's kinda a blessing in disguise for me (only) that I was diagnosed with Lupus because it had changed my bad attitude and also it gave me a lot of me-time. However, if I'm to be reborn with this condition again, I think having them suffer with me again would drive me to higher heights of pity and sadness, so I rather suffer with new people than have them unconsciously suffer the same fate with me.

Because if I'm to suffer with my being's defectivity once more—but now with my memories—I already know what to do and even though I don't have them by my side, the thought of them free with the problems I brought to them is something that would cause me great relief. And also with the memories that I have, I'll use them to propel myself further to be a better version of who am I in my past lifetime. But if I were really to be reincarnated...life please be kind to me in that time.

That would be all for now ladies and hopefully, in the next LOH contest, I still can share my thoughts here!