Both can be incredibly uncomfortable and that’s why I prefer to be around people who have lived in more than one cultures and belong to all or none of them,
I find that these people don't generally fit into their nationality of origin stereotypes, but have similarities with each other. More interesting types, with more open personalities and valuable perspectives. And, perhaps because their local social network has been built from scratch, they tend to be willing to share more of themselves too.
I have a feeling that there is a genetic component to the type of person who chooses to move to different cultures and countries. And perhaps, this is also why they can struggle under certain conditions and end up more locked away from society, as people normalize, or fall into trends like digital lifestyles, leaving them disillusioned with the world.
Agree with this as I always felt much more comfortable living in OKinawa while there. It was much more relaxing socially and just friendlier it seemed. The family and I always say we would love to go back and lvie there if my health allowed.
Social too. For example people from good family backgrounds tend to stay near home. Maybe a year or 2 max abroad.
People from terrible homes never get the qualifications or other capacity to up and leave, so they also stay near home.
People from pretty bad homes, like myself, can still get sufficient success in spite of it all, enough to get outta there and make something of themselves
I don’t know whether there is a genetic component but I know that I have way way more in common with my friends from Asia Africa Australia or South America than I have with a random American and it does have something to do with building a social network from scratch, even thinking that that could be possible.
I see a lot in common between all of society’s outliers too, the ones we praise and the ones we see as having a problem. Elon Musk could not be a regular employee at a company. If he wasn’t doing what he’s doing he’d be in a band or on the street or he would have jumped from a cliff. Is it genetic? Maybe, but I can find a lot of experiential things that made me an outlier. I love exploring this topic, concerning myself or other people.
I am with you somewhat and have a similar struggle. I am working on coming out of a couple of years of isolation myself. It is hard to start socializing after you have isolated yourself for so long, but it is possible. Like you I am struggling finding the right people I wish to socialize with though.
One thing I want to start focusing on is creating the atmosphere myself so I can filter out the stuff I don’t like. I think if I can pull it off my friends and acquaintances will appreciate it too because they probably can’t even imagine social situations without as many annoying little disconnects but if I get the right combination of people it’s totally possible. Hope you are enjoying coming out of your shell!
Definitely on my page here - I had about 5 points I wanted to comment to disagree with but you unravelled your thoughts later and dismantled any need to heh. For example:
we are neither extroverts or introverts
I've been thinking this more and more. When taking those tests, I consistently come out as highly introverted - higher than anyone else i've ever known take them, often like 98%. It's not like I'm trying, I don't take that as a point of pride. I just find it unusual.
Sure, I have a disposition that tends towards being alone, and given the choice that will always be my option.
But I teach choir, I stand in front of a group of kids and sing, and I enjoy it, and I am a stricter teacher than any others in this school because they're all useless so I have to pick up their failings. I'm still cool though, I think. Just not tolerant of asshole kids, so I have to strike fear in them with an authoritative aura.
That's not 'introverty'. Further, I always surprise people such as my girlfriend at my ability to be the centre of a conversation in a dinner when everyone else's vibes are off. I only do it if necessary, otherwise I will happily sit in silence until the nights over. But I know when things are dipping and can pick it up easily.
But apparently as an introvert, I'm incapable of that? I 'run out of power' and just want to read a book, according to internet culture.
Just doesn't seem right. It's a lot more nuanced.
You tend to have the talkers and the non-talkers.
Some 'talkers' I come across I really don't like, they seem to be such talkers that they have zero interest or maybe even capacity to hear things said to them.
The other day I met somebody and they asked me some questions, but before I could even finish my sentence it was obvious they were not even listening and just waiting to say the next thing, to impose their personality on me through the guise of curiosity.
I know they didn't listen because they asked the exact same question about 10 minutes later, completely oblivious to the fact we already did that. Their eyes just glaze over. I've met quite a lot of people like that, it's almost psychotic in some way, the way they look at me with empty minds. The conversations they do pull of are just insipid, vapid and some other cool adjectives that mean something dull.
Labels are really convenient. Too convenient. So convenient that they become inconvenient. Calling yourself an introvert or an extrovert can become a self fulfilling prophecy. I realized that a lot of introverted people I know haven’t had the same kind of positive social experiences as me or are in a certain state of mind that make it hard to be extroverted. Not saying any of that is wrong or bad, but those conditions could easily change and I doubt they’d be the same if that happened.
It’s also hard to be extroverted when no one shares your culture. I don’t just mean national or ethnic, like being the one person who doesn’t like electronic music in a group full of people that go to raves all the time.
—-
Being able to pick things up and lead things away from ugly funk is really important. I’m only learning how to do that now because I used to be really insecure and scared of being the center of attention (despite being an “extrovert”).
——
Those talkers….I have an American friend who is nice as hell and funny and always cheers me up, unless I wanna tell him a story. He will change the topic every single time within the first 30 seconds.
These people exist everywhere but the ones you are dealing with over there there is definitely a certain flavor over there…..it’s like they have a limited script that they don’t know how to stray from
I totally understand you and understand the healing needed for the different "flavours" of experiences with people that you have encountered. I agree with you that we tend to swing from introvert to extrovert especially if we are in touch with who we are and our likes and dislikes.
I’ve just loved so many lives, I can observe in myself and other people who have changed their lives a few times just how flexible we are. Over course, it’s not just about where we are, what we are doing and who we are with but also about our relationship with ourselves and our framing. So for me introvert and extrovert are just different outputs for a different set of inputs…and both have positive and negative incarnations….if that makes sense 😆
I find that these people don't generally fit into their nationality of origin stereotypes, but have similarities with each other. More interesting types, with more open personalities and valuable perspectives. And, perhaps because their local social network has been built from scratch, they tend to be willing to share more of themselves too.
I have a feeling that there is a genetic component to the type of person who chooses to move to different cultures and countries. And perhaps, this is also why they can struggle under certain conditions and end up more locked away from society, as people normalize, or fall into trends like digital lifestyles, leaving them disillusioned with the world.
Agree with this as I always felt much more comfortable living in OKinawa while there. It was much more relaxing socially and just friendlier it seemed. The family and I always say we would love to go back and lvie there if my health allowed.
Social too. For example people from good family backgrounds tend to stay near home. Maybe a year or 2 max abroad.
People from terrible homes never get the qualifications or other capacity to up and leave, so they also stay near home.
People from pretty bad homes, like myself, can still get sufficient success in spite of it all, enough to get outta there and make something of themselves
I don’t know whether there is a genetic component but I know that I have way way more in common with my friends from Asia Africa Australia or South America than I have with a random American and it does have something to do with building a social network from scratch, even thinking that that could be possible.
I see a lot in common between all of society’s outliers too, the ones we praise and the ones we see as having a problem. Elon Musk could not be a regular employee at a company. If he wasn’t doing what he’s doing he’d be in a band or on the street or he would have jumped from a cliff. Is it genetic? Maybe, but I can find a lot of experiential things that made me an outlier. I love exploring this topic, concerning myself or other people.
I am with you somewhat and have a similar struggle. I am working on coming out of a couple of years of isolation myself. It is hard to start socializing after you have isolated yourself for so long, but it is possible. Like you I am struggling finding the right people I wish to socialize with though.
One thing I want to start focusing on is creating the atmosphere myself so I can filter out the stuff I don’t like. I think if I can pull it off my friends and acquaintances will appreciate it too because they probably can’t even imagine social situations without as many annoying little disconnects but if I get the right combination of people it’s totally possible. Hope you are enjoying coming out of your shell!
Definitely on my page here - I had about 5 points I wanted to comment to disagree with but you unravelled your thoughts later and dismantled any need to heh. For example:
I've been thinking this more and more. When taking those tests, I consistently come out as highly introverted - higher than anyone else i've ever known take them, often like 98%. It's not like I'm trying, I don't take that as a point of pride. I just find it unusual.
Sure, I have a disposition that tends towards being alone, and given the choice that will always be my option.
But I teach choir, I stand in front of a group of kids and sing, and I enjoy it, and I am a stricter teacher than any others in this school because they're all useless so I have to pick up their failings. I'm still cool though, I think. Just not tolerant of asshole kids, so I have to strike fear in them with an authoritative aura.
That's not 'introverty'. Further, I always surprise people such as my girlfriend at my ability to be the centre of a conversation in a dinner when everyone else's vibes are off. I only do it if necessary, otherwise I will happily sit in silence until the nights over. But I know when things are dipping and can pick it up easily.
But apparently as an introvert, I'm incapable of that? I 'run out of power' and just want to read a book, according to internet culture.
Just doesn't seem right. It's a lot more nuanced.
Some 'talkers' I come across I really don't like, they seem to be such talkers that they have zero interest or maybe even capacity to hear things said to them.
The other day I met somebody and they asked me some questions, but before I could even finish my sentence it was obvious they were not even listening and just waiting to say the next thing, to impose their personality on me through the guise of curiosity.
I know they didn't listen because they asked the exact same question about 10 minutes later, completely oblivious to the fact we already did that. Their eyes just glaze over. I've met quite a lot of people like that, it's almost psychotic in some way, the way they look at me with empty minds. The conversations they do pull of are just insipid, vapid and some other cool adjectives that mean something dull.
Ok I've had my say.
Labels are really convenient. Too convenient. So convenient that they become inconvenient. Calling yourself an introvert or an extrovert can become a self fulfilling prophecy. I realized that a lot of introverted people I know haven’t had the same kind of positive social experiences as me or are in a certain state of mind that make it hard to be extroverted. Not saying any of that is wrong or bad, but those conditions could easily change and I doubt they’d be the same if that happened.
It’s also hard to be extroverted when no one shares your culture. I don’t just mean national or ethnic, like being the one person who doesn’t like electronic music in a group full of people that go to raves all the time.
—-
Being able to pick things up and lead things away from ugly funk is really important. I’m only learning how to do that now because I used to be really insecure and scared of being the center of attention (despite being an “extrovert”).
——
Those talkers….I have an American friend who is nice as hell and funny and always cheers me up, unless I wanna tell him a story. He will change the topic every single time within the first 30 seconds.
These people exist everywhere but the ones you are dealing with over there there is definitely a certain flavor over there…..it’s like they have a limited script that they don’t know how to stray from
I totally understand you and understand the healing needed for the different "flavours" of experiences with people that you have encountered. I agree with you that we tend to swing from introvert to extrovert especially if we are in touch with who we are and our likes and dislikes.
I’ve just loved so many lives, I can observe in myself and other people who have changed their lives a few times just how flexible we are. Over course, it’s not just about where we are, what we are doing and who we are with but also about our relationship with ourselves and our framing. So for me introvert and extrovert are just different outputs for a different set of inputs…and both have positive and negative incarnations….if that makes sense 😆
Yes it makes sense and I totally agree as it is my own personal experience.