Leaving the ego behind is not easy

“Taking charge of oneself” may sound simple, but it is not at all, it requires a lot of maturity, introspection and self-awareness. A few months ago I heard a therapist mention that if we are not able to recognize what our shortcomings are, there is an ego problem.

When the ego gets out of control we fall into that “I think I am better”, “things must revolve around me”, “only I am right”, “whatever I say is done”, “I have no defects”, etc. Without realizing it, we want to satisfy this need for control and, at the same time, this yearning for “recognition”.

It is not that it is wrong to be recognized for our effort and the good things we do, the problem lies in needing constant external reinforcement to inflate our ego and in not feeling capable without the validation of the other. That is why it is necessary to keep this “egoism” at bay, to keep it in its right measure:

“Neither believing ourselves superior to others to the point of falling into narcissism, nor having our self-esteem at the floor, thinking that we are not capable of anything."

It is true that falling into the comparison game is another ego trap, it prevents us from valuing our own qualities and achievements. It disconnects us from ourselves because we are more concerned about what the other person is doing, preventing us from achieving our true happiness:

“Maria achieved xs thing being younger than me” = I'm late.

Comparison leads us to think that we are inferior to other people who have achieved their goals. But that's not true, in reality, the only difference between those who have achieved what they wanted and those who haven't, is that the first ones focused on themselves without competing with anyone. That is the only thing that influenced, there are no secrets, no superpowers, no person is superior to another.

Accepting responsibility

It is easier to fall into victimhood and use it as a weapon of protection than to assume the responsibility that corresponds to us. It is easier to think that the “world owes us” and that is not so, the world owes us absolutely nothing.

Instead of lamenting, we have to question the origin, the raison d'être of this internal conflict. For example, (and this is the most common) if we relate to people who hurt us in some way, instead of taking the role of victim, we should ask ourselves, why do we continue to accept this type of relationship in our lives?

Why do we allow it? Why don't we set limits? Why is it so hard for us to walk away? Why are they always the same type of people? What do we have to change?

We cannot control the actions of others, it is impossible and we cannot know with what intention they approach us. We make a difference when we learn our lesson and are more selective in choosing who comes into our lives.

The ordeal of working with others

In the initiative, the labor field was mentioned as an example, in which it is usually more complicated to “choose or walk away”. In one of my jobs, there was only one person in the team who did nothing, there were four of us, one was the boss who had her own office and the rest of us were located in cubicles.

I was in the middle of the other two and I remember an anecdote in which I was talking to the other one (who did work) about what had to be finished and when I turned to see what my other colleague was doing, I observed her counting calories on an online page and talking on Facebook.

I turn back to the coworker who did work with a pout 😒 and she mutters to me under her breath, “she's not doing anything, is she?."

🤡 (The part of the work that this person did not take on fell on me, that is to say, I worked double, mine and hers. And obviously I wasn't getting paid more). 🤡

In those cases it is very difficult to change that situation, you can't sit down and talk to the boss and tell him to fire her or to remind her of her responsibilities. And sometimes, this type of specimens are squared with the owner of the company or they are family, partner, etc... So, basically, you have to put up with it, even if you know that the only thing this person is doing is taking up space in the company and that he/she is getting paid for doing absolutely nothing.

Of course, to put up with it while sending the resume to another company...

If I insisted on complaining to my boss (which I did once and it didn't work) about this person's lack of responsibility, I wasn't going to get out of that discomfort. I continued doing my job as if nothing was happening and as soon as I got a call from another company, I quit.

The point here is that there are inevitable things, we cannot wait for others to be like us, nor can we wait for them to change or correct something in their behavior just because we ask them to. The decision to change is a very personal one.

And the decision to move from a place where we are not growing, also depends on us and implies leaving that role of “poor people”. Action is the most powerful antidote to victimhood. By taking responsibility for our lives, we stop being spectators and become agents of change 💪.

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So much for my post today for @rosahidalgo 's initiative 🙌. I invite @elbuhito and @germanandradeg. Greetings to all.