A Stark Reminder

We've recently been going through a fairly annoying situation with my wife's work. A little under three weeks ago she had a mild panic attack that resulted from the hiring of the electric wheelchair and modified vehicle that I've previously written about. She has, obviously struggled since we received our son's diagnosis, and has had these episodes on and off since. To me, why wouldn't she? She's dealing with an extremely stressful situation, where she is reminded daily, of her son's mortality. I'm actually surprised that she's able to cope so well - a super resilient woman.

However, not everyone sees it that way. She had this panic attack at work, and her line managers handled the situation quite well. They looked after her and called an ambulance, even got a mental health nurse to attend to support her. We were really grateful. This happened on a Friday, and the Deputy Principal (yes, my wife's also a teacher!) phoned her the following day to see how she was doing and offer her a couple of days off the following week so that she could fully recuperate before returning to the classroom. Again, we were grateful.

The Monday after the panic attack, my wife received an email asking her to complete a few tasks before she was to return to the classroom, two of which, were to obtain a medical clearance from a GP and from a psychologist. We didn't think either of these requests unreasonable so complied happily unaware that these documents would eventually be used as evidence to try and sabotage my wife's career. Since we submitted these document, in good faith, I might add, she has been, essentially suspended from work. Now, this post isn't necessarily about the process that she's been through over the past three weeks, but there are a couple of things I'd like to highlight before moving on.

When she was asked to get the medical clearances, she was also asked to remain away from work for the rest of the week. The reason provided was that leadership were going to be absent for the rest of that week, and unable to conduct a re-entry meeting with her. That didn't sit well with me, and I did comment to her that it would be funny (not 'ha-ha' funny, but 'fishy' funny) if they were collecting evidence to try and stop her from coming back to work. We discussed the idea a bit before dismissing it. Then, before the end of that very same week, she'd been told not to come in because she was being investigated for misconduct. That's right - misconduct, because she had a panic attack in her office (no students around) and was no worse for wear afterwards than she would have been had she vomited.

She was also informed that for this (forced) absence, she would be required to use sick leave, and the implication was that after that ran dry, she wouldn't get paid. We checked and discovered that unless she'd done something criminal in nature, that they were unable to suspend her without pay, so we had to fight this for a week before finally being told that she would be on leave with pay. Score one for the little guys! The problem is she's still being investigated for something that's completely out of her hands that resulted from her son having a life-limiting condition.

Long story short, we ended up consulting with a lawyer yesterday because we'd been told, numerous times, that what was happening to her was illegal, and we'd also done our fair share of reading on the matter and had found that what was happening, and the way it was happening, goes against numerous departmental policies and procedures, all of which are based upon legislation. All of this reading helped to highlight the illegal nature of how they are approaching this situation. The lawyer gave us some hope, in as much as she indicated that if my wife ended up being dismissed, she'd fight for us, but for now, the reality is, that we just have to sit and wait to see what the outcome of the investigation will be.

And while that sucks on so many levels, the sucky nature of it is multiplied by the fact that we really just don't need this right now. Nobody needs to be treated like this, but we really don't need it with what's happening with our son. We're already missing hospital appointments because of the stress that this is causing us. Just last week, I was in the hospital with him, and I got a message asking why I wasn't downstairs at a different appointment - my reply was simple. I didn't even know we had that other appointment.

This long-winded rant of an introduction brings me to the main point(s) of this post -

1. You Don't Know What People Are Going Through

So don't just assume that they have a prefect little life free from worry or stress.

Are you a mind reader? Can you interpret what someone else is thinking while you're interacting with them? Well, how do you know what they're going through? If you don't know their story, try and refrain from judging too harshly. I'm the first to admin, I struggle to do this, but over recent years, I've been striving to place myself into another's shoes before being too quick to rush to conclusions about them.
Had the decision-makers at my wife's school stopped to find out what's happening in her life, or shown any interest at all, rather than covering their arses as quickly as possible, then they would have discovered that she isn't some crack-pot who can't handle the role of teaching, but that's she's going through some pretty heavy stuff in her personal life and added to these stresses, she was having a particularly rough week because of the modified vehicle and EWC hire. They may have concluded that she isn't a risk to the students in her care and that she was just having a bad day.
You see, you just don't know.

2. What Does It Cost To Be Kind?

In my understanding it costs very little - nothing, in fact, and you just don't know the impact that your kindness may have. I get that, sometimes, patience is difficult to come by, and that the last thing you feel like doing is being the bigger person, but just stop and think before you act because your actions will generally cause one of two outcomes. They will make someone feel good, or they will make someone feel bad.

How would you feel if you were able to travel back in time and see the impact of every word you said or action your delivered? What if you could see how you affected someone and what they did as a result of your encounter with them? Would you be pleased with what you saw? Have you left a trail of destruction or of people who have been built up and empowered by your kind and caring demeanour?

3. Ask How Someone Is Doing

In Australia we have a national awareness day called R U OK Day? It's a day set aside where people are encouraged to take the time to check in and see how someone they know, or don't know, is going. In the past, I've not really given it a great deal of thought, but more and more, I'm starting to see the value in such an initiative. Again, what does it cost you to ask a question? Might be that you just need to invest a little time. Might be that the outcome of such a question is massive - it might save a life.

My point is that why should asking if someone is okay be left to the professionals? In the busy hustle of life, it's really easy to look at someone and miss the opportunity. Have you ever walked past a stranger who is sitting alone, maybe looking a little forlorn, completely wound up in your thoughts, only to pause a minute or two later and regret not asking them if they were okay? I have - on more than one occasion, so I'm not lecturing to you here, I'm preaching to myself more than anything.

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The Principal, who pretty much sent my wife on this journey, was able to do so because of a loop hole I expected existed. In the last three weeks, I've said to pretty much everyone I've conveyed this story to, that there must be a loop hole somewhere - that in 2024, people cannot be so stupid, and I was right. There is a loop hole - five little words that mean her Principal can do whatever he wants, to whomever he wants, however he wants, with absolutely no evidence, and the accused will remain guilty until proven innocent (no, I didn't mistype - guilty until proven innocent). All he needed to do, was to say that he was concerned for 'the safety of the students', and that sealed her fate. All the policies, procedures and legislation that has ever been written no longer applies once those five little words are used. As soon as someone expresses concern for the students, that's the end of it.

I can't help but wonder, would the outcome have been different had he actually taken the time to talk with her rather than jump to conclusions. His assumptions have caused us a lot of grief over the last three weeks, and will continue to do so for a good while into the future. We still need to wait for the outcome of the investigation, and if that comes back with her losing her job, then we'll likely dispute that decision. It could take months - maybe even years. A heartache we don't need. Checking on someone is a small task. It doesn't take a lot of sacrifice, and for such a small gesture, the outcomes can be enormous.

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Header Image - Ladesh Aldarwish on Pexels.

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