Your pain is your pedestal.
I know it's been hard and I know you're going through some things.that feel like they're unbearable right now.
But even after Joseph was rejected by his brothers, thrown into a pit, sold into slavery, went to jail,was lied on by a cougar, God took what he suffered through and what he went through in pain, used it as training for his purpose, and used it to push him into his purpose because he never would have left what was comfortable to go to a new place.
God knows the decisions that you will make better than you would. You can say what you think you would have did all you want to. God knows you better than you know yourself. But God also knows how to love on you and take care of you better than you think you can take care of yourself.
So sometimes what feels like rejection is really God's protection. Sometimes what feels like picking on you is really preparing you. And sometimes him not telling you everything before it happens is just him protecting you from yourself.
I understand that this road has not been easy and trust me, neither has mine. But if there's one thing that I can say about the pain that I've endured, God has either used it to help somebody else, he's used it to elevate me, and he's used it to prepare me for the things that I've been praying for, and you are living, and I am living, in answer prayers.
You've got to know that there's nothing God is going to allow you to go through for no reason. Sometimes our own disobedience puts us in pickles that we should have never been in.
But because you love the Lord, according to Romans 8, 28,
All things work together for the good of them that love the Lord and are called according to his purpose.
So even what you did or you didn't do, what happened to you, in spite of you, or because of you, God can still get the glory over your situation and still work it out for your good.
Your pain was not in vain.