BUILDING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS: WHY YOU ACT THE WAY YOU DO

It’s becoming an accepted habit in our society to see people with bad relational skills. Some people now tag it as a ‘necessary evil” and feel okay claiming it’s one of those things we can’t avoid in life. Truth be told, the real difference between people who win and those who lose is the ability to work on oneself daily trying to cut out excesses and maximize opportunities.

From my findings, I have come to understand that people who lack good relational skills especially at workplaces, in friendships, relationships and marriages don’t exactly take out time to understand people’s temperament and this has led to lots of mishaps.
I know you are already puzzled trying to understand the word “Temperament”.
So let’s talk about it.

Temperament as defined by Merriam Webster dictionary as "the peculiar or distinguishing mental or physical character determined by the relative proportions of the humors according to medieval physiology".
In simple words, temperament is the way you act.

Having a clear understanding of the subject Temperament can be that saving grace you need in your workplace, in your friendship, marriages and our everyday activities as far relating with people is concerned. Personally, this has helped me a lot and improved my relational skills.

Way back in High school, I used to be this intelligent, Shy introverted young man. I always yearned for my own breathing space and no matter how much I go out with friends, I just couldn’t fit in much. I am a perfectionist by nature and this made me see the world differently. Sometimes, I felt my words won’t be understood and feared sounding weird so I had a whole lot bottled inside of me. Only a few of my classmates and schoolmates knew I could be very playful and outspoken. Others saw me as this handsome senior prefect who was out of reach especially the cute ladies. Owing to this, I never had many friends and didn’t see the need to become better at relating with my peers.

I met this young counsellor, Mr Fredrick years later who told me after series of meetings and mentorship that I had a lot to offer with my knowledge and life experiences but I had to develop my relational skills because people will not listen to me if they can’t trust me enough and I can only achieve this by building healthy relationships. I got books to read, engaged more with people and fast forward to date, I am practically everybody’s friend here in school. I am now this outspoken, friendly young man still building healthy relationships with people.

Wanna hear my Secrets? Let’s talk more about the kinds of temperaments and how understanding them can help build your relationships with people.

KINDS OF TEMPERAMENT

According to Tim Lahaye, we have FOUR kinds of temperaments. A person can exhibit more than one but must have a dominant type.

Understanding each kind can help you know where people you meet fit in and how best to relate with them.

The Kinds of temperament are:

1. Choleric: People with this kind of temperament are natural-born leaders. They are result-oriented, extroverted, more logical than emotional, can be strict and aggressive especially when it comes to achieving a goal or task. Due to their aggressive and stubborn nature, if not properly controlled can lead to serious anger issues.

When working with a Choleric, it’s advisable to avoid arguments or fights, focus your strength on delivering results and be more understanding because they might end up shouting and doing extremes just to achieve their goal.

People with this temperament needs to build on improving their emotional side, anger management and understand that everyone is not the same in terms of producing results. They also need to learn how to express their words assertively.

2. Phlegmatic: People with this kind of temperament are sheep-like, shy, introverted and peaceful. They are not good decision-makers because they are easily swayed by other people’s actions and decisions. They are most times very quiet and withdrawn. Sometimes, they can be very boring and prone to being bullied especially around a choleric.

When working with Phlegmatic, it’s important to understand that they are not very outspoken and will hardly initiate conversations unless they are very comfortable around you. Understand that they can be withdrawn most times, so try to encourage them with a smile and not intimidate them.

People with this trait needs to build more on expressing themselves assertively, not scared or shy of coming out boldly. Also, loneliness can lead to depression and more so it’s okay to mix up with friends sometimes and engage in decision making.

3. Melancholic: People with this temperament are referred to as “great thinkers”. They are perfectionists, out-of-the-box thinkers, highly introverted, easily depressed. Records have it that the greatest inventors and scientists like Albert Einstein had this temperament. Most artists and songwriters also fall in this category.

When working with a melancholic, it’s important to understand that because of their perfectionist nature, they see things differently and can be pessimistic. They are highly intelligent and sometimes might not be open to suggestions easily. Encourage them too because they can get depressed easily if they are underachieving.

People with this trait needs to understand that life itself is not perfect and it’s full of ups and downs. Connect more with people and talk to trusted loved ones when depressed or in need of help.

4. Sanguine: People with this temperament as referred to as the “life of the party”. Have you met that one friend that when around you can be very jovial, funny, always happy and social? That’s a Sanguine nature. A Sanguine can be everywhere at the same time, a complete extrovert. They can make friends easily and are sometimes seen as the lousy type. They are good salespersons, marketers and HR people. They have commitment issues as they find it hard to focus on a particular thing for long especially if it’s not fun.

When working with a sanguine, it’s important to understand that at times beyond the smile, they can be depressed too and going through a lot. Also, help them focus by making jobs interactive and social.

People with this trait needs to work on improving their commitment level, improving their work output and balancing fun.

Interesting, right? I know you have learnt a lot.

So, the next question is how to apply this knowledge in our relationships with other people?

I have come to understand that I am now a Chol-San. That is, I have a blend of dominant choleric with sanguine traits. This means that without proper check and mix of my choleric side, I can lose focus and be too playful. Also, when I get frustrated after not achieving a goal, I can be pissed and annoyed. I remember my ex-girlfriend would always say that I am too logical because I always love to analyze situations, actions and loves principles.

Did you notice my change In temperament from my High school days till now?

So what am I doing to balance them?

Firstly, I write a to-do list most times to help with staying focus. I have also come to understand that most times when I don’t achieve set goals it's solely because I failed to employ the right methods, so I try again this time with my acquired experience. Also, I try to emotionally react to situations before analyzing them with my principles. I must confess I am still a work in progress but a better person than I was.

The ball is now in your court, will you decide to learn from this and apply them too in becoming a better you. Cheers to building that healthy relationship today.

I am @chosenfingers, a young Nigerian studying mechatronics Engineering, your favorite blogger, content writer, love doctor🤗 and friend. My main purpose here on Hive is to impact as many as possible with the right knowledge through mind-blowing, educational content.
I hope my blog reaches people far and near praying for an answer on how they can build healthy relationships with people.
Don’t forget to share on any platform and reblog.

Also, to ensure we learnt from this post, drop in the comment section your possible temperament traits, how you plan to improve them and other related questions. I look forward to seeing those engaging comments. Much love😍

Thanks to @Josediccus for inspiring this new format of writing my post. I have been following his post and I learnt a lot. Cheers🥂