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2 years ago in GEMS by raoul.poenar (65)
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That's heavy man!
Keep on writing if it helps you.
I remember your great photography, hope you find joy in taking pictures again.
Better times will come, you can be very proud of yourself writing this down.
Thank you so much Tony! At the moment I’m struggling to find some solid ground to build on but I’ll get there eventually.
Hope to get back on the proverbial horse again soon.
Thanks again for your wishes!
Wow Roaul that took a lot of effort and courage to write and share. Thank you. I have never felt depression I am grateful for your candid description about it. The advice about getting out is soo good. I hope you find your photography again soon. I really like this picture, is it a self portrait?
Thank you so much! Never felt depression either until recently and I don’t wish this for anybody. Yeah, it’s an old self portrait. I shot some self portraits recently but they are too personal to share…for now.
Thank you again for your kind words!
I don't know if gender has anything to do with it, or the way that the boys are educated but we are thought not to express our feelings,
Thankfully this is changing in many parts. that being said it is actually both conditioning is a big part but also hormones. Tans men that start taking testosterone often report a dramatic shift in their emotional landscape it is quite interesting.
EVERY TIME TWO PEOPLE ARE INVOLVED AND THAT RELATIONSHIP ENDS, THEY SHARE THE BLAME.
In most normal relationships agreed but in some like with my ex who tried to kill me leaving was survival and i refute any blame on the thing failing; there was nothing i could do to stop him from physically assaulting me the blame is on him.
On the other hand, you can't really blame them either. They were raised in a certain way, lived in a certain time and so on.
Again not always the case my Mother was malignant narcissistic sociopath who chose to abuse me both mentally and physically here twin sister (fraternal not identical ) was a fun loving person who was a great mom who raised me for a short period . While some of the issues both had came from their upbringing my mother chose to ruin people’s lies and do horrible things to people just because. Damage can cause some things but in the end what ever you do is a choice, in some cases a choice fuelled by a distortion of emotion and self but you still make the decision. So yeah I blame her but i am also over it but it took me decades to get there
As for love
One often tends to date partners that recreate ones childhood experience. Literally every man or woman I was in a relationship with ended up being my mother all over again in some aspects. At some point i decided to just cut the whole thing out of my life and it has worked well for me , but then I have lived most of my life on the outside of everything. I get lonely from time to time but truthfully it is rare, then i remind myself of the many benefits being single has and I am ok again . Not everyone is like me however some suffer greatly without a partner .
I hope things get better for you and you can balance things out , i have bi-polar disorder and depression is no joke it can zap the life out of everything . what i have noticed with mine outside of all the psychology is that eating regularly is important, if i for get to eat it screws with my dopamine levels . The same with sleep deprivation.
So sorry that you had to go through all that ordeal.
"One often tends to date partners that recreate ones childhood experience. Literally every man or woman I was in a relationship with ended up being my mother all over again in some aspects. At some point i decided to just cut the whole thing out of my life and it has worked well for me , but then I have lived most of my life on the outside of everything. I get lonely from time to time but truthfully it is rare, then i remind myself of the many benefits being single has and I am ok again . Not everyone is like me however some suffer greatly without a partner ."
You are on point with this one and I never realised it until you said it. Looking back, all my past relationships had a common thing: everyone of them tried to change me and the all said I'm not good enough.
As for being single, I can take it, I kinda like being single. I make a lot of progress when being single but we humans are social creatures and need someone sooner or later. I do get lonely too, now more than ever but I try really hard to focus on myself, on getting myself on track so at the end of this I come out stronger and hopefully not make the same mistakes.
Really appreciate your comment and hopefully a time will come when we'll look back and be proud of the progress we've made.
Thank you so much!
🙃 you've got this
Thanks for sharing something this personal! We are used to dealing with such issues on our own, but it certainly helps when you have other people for support. What I've found is that physical issues and mental challenges go hand in hand. For example, liver meridian is associated with feelings of melancholy and depression when the organ is not working properly. It also means we can heal physical symptoms by mastering how we deal with emotions and negative thoughts (and vice versa). I would suggest you check out the book Letting go by David Hawkins which goes deep into that. The ho'oponopono technique is also a tool that helped me let go of negative thoughts/emotions.
Physical activity is a great way to help in overcoming the problem - spending as much time as possible in the sunlight, sungazing, walks in the nature, bodyweight exercises, parasympathetic breathing exercises, clean, easy to digest diet are some of the tools you can try.
Hope you get back your motivation for the next creative endeavours!
Thank you for your thoughts! Luckly I have a few close friends with whom I can talk to and seeing my therapist also helps a lot.My physical health is on point but I have a really hard time managing negative emotions and I feel overwhelmed sometimes to the point that I'm unable to do anything. I have trouble accepting some things and although everybody keeps telling me that I should accept the things that happened to me I find it easier said than done. This weekend I've spend a good amount of time outdoors and it worked great. I feel my mood has improved a little but I still have a long way to go.
Breathing exercises help me alot also especially at night.
Will have a look at the book you recommended, it sounds interesting.
Thanks again for your thoughts and advices!