First day of December

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December 1st
8:00 AM

The silence of the morning was broken by a loud moaning and crying from discomfort.

She breathed long and deep to cope up.
She made noises allowing herself to let go of her body’s frustrations and pain.
The person she was waiting for hasn’t arrived yet.
She breathes quickly and winced.
She changed positions to positions to provide relief and comfort.

She uttered with a loud voice.
“ I can't hold it anymore”
She grunted
“It’s coming”

A baby descended into the birth canal and then passes through it.

A baby girl was born.

The baby was born before the midwife arrived.

When the midwife arrived, she cut the baby’s umbilical cord and put the baby into her mother's arm.

She held the baby with a sense of satisfaction, relief, and happiness. Her pain and effort had paid off.

---

The baby was growing fast. At nine months she learned how to walk.

At twenty-something

She is growing quickly but she feels like she is stuck somewhere- in the middle of nowhere- in the corner. She puts herself in the corner and loses the chance to be heard and known. She locks herself in the abyss of her melancholy. Her only companion when she’s sad is sleep, she always takes her sorrow to bed.

In the morning, she looks at herself in the mirror.
She knows she isn’t happy anymore. Happiness was just a thing in the past, a thing she knew long before. She struggles and asks herself when was the last time she felt happy.
She is growing rapidly but she thinks she knows no better.

These past few days, all she did was sleep late and wake up late. Laying and staring at the ceiling for a couple of hours. Things are making her stay longer in bed.

---

December 1, 2021

7:00 AM
She was awoken by a bad dream.
…

8:00 AM

She got out of bed.
She washed her face and brush her teeth.
She brewed her coffee.
She put on her earphones and filled the hole in her chest with her favorite song One More Light by Linkin Park while drinking her coffee.

She found a sense of comfort from her coffee and when

THE CAFFEINE KICKED IN

She pressed the airplane mode button off of her cellphone.

Twenty-eight minutes ago she didn’t have the courage to answer

“Thank you. Don’t worry. I’m good.”

It was hard for her, the fact that her heart wanted to say

“I’m not okay. Please encourage me.”

She wrote her thoughts. As usual, she kept them short. She found them hard to describe and words were just blurry before her mind.

She wrote “It’s my birthday today. No cakes to slice, no candles to blow but I’m happy I have a mug of coffee. ”

She patted her shoulder.

---

I pressed the airplane mode off button, read the messages, and replied,

Thank you. I’m okay.
No need to worry. I got a big mug of black coffee. 😊

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME 🎉