The secrets of the universe

Option 2: A stray dog approaches you and begins talking. It asks for coffee, and you happen to have some in a thermos. Do you share a cup of coffee with the dog? If so, what does it have to talk about?

"Can you imagine my surprise? Can you just imagine? No, I guess not; it’s not on the ‘known causes’ list. Not at all." She took a sip of her coffee and sighed into it as if she could see something important in the swirl of dark liquid.

Lately, Clarissa has been, well, distracted. She’d always been more than a little wacky, but somehow we’d connected over a shared interest in literature and coffee.

"Listen, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. I’m always on your side. You know?" What else could I say? Her story was off-the-charts odd.

"He offered me the universe and the secrets of life in return for a few cups of coffee. Geez!" She withdrew somewhat into herself when the waitress appeared out of nowhere, seemingly, to give us the option of a top-up.

Basically, for me, it’d been a long day, and Clarissa’s madness was somewhat hard to stomach in such large doses anyway. I wanted to get away.

"I’m good." I cocked an eye at the waitress, hoping she’d understand that I desperately needed the bill. Sadly, for me, Clarissa ordered another, and the waitress didn’t even nod in my direction before rushing off to fulfill her new order.

For a moment, Clarissa fell into silence. She looked distraught, truly spooked. Crazy!

My heart, for what it’s worth, went out to her.

"So, tell me again how you found him. Pray, tell?"

"It was a dark night. Misty, you know? My car had a flat tire, and I had absolutely no idea how to fix it. I’d navigated to a rather unsavory neighborhood, and my mobile signal was down. Things looked very, very grim."

I nodded, only listening to her rant with half an ear.

"He was sitting at the side of the road as if he were minding his own business. Just a doggie bystander. You know?" She stopped short, mopping her brow as if the room were too hot.

I rolled my eyes, making sure to turn my head away so that she wouldn’t spot my irritation. I glanced out over the shop. People were sitting hunched over their coffees, the door clanging regularly, forcing in an icy breeze from the street. Surely there was no reason for her to feel so hot.

"He spoke to me, Jenna; that dog spoke to me!"

I couldn’t respond. All I could think was:

Get help, girl. Get it now!

"Then he offered me a trade. Coffee for wisdom. If endless coffee was on tap, he’d whisper the secrets of life into my ear."

"That doesn’t sound too bad. Coffee in return for the ultimate." I heard my voice answering her halfheartedly, so I tried to add a little bounce.

"Did he tell you the secrets?" My wicked side reared its head, and I could actually feel the grin that spread on my face so unwittingly.

"After he directed me, once he told me exactly how to replace the blown tire, I had to believe him."

"So what did you do?"

"Obviously, I took him home and gave him cup after cup."

I wanted to giggle. I don’t know how I stifled my inner comedian.

"So?"

"It was a scam. He was a layabout. He watched dog shows on YouTube all day. He drank all the coffee in the house and hardly uttered another word in all the time he was there."

"So, he left?”

She suddenly looked a little shamefaced and said, "Yes, he left when I stopped buying coffee."

"You stopped buying coffee?" I asked incredulously.

"Yes," she said in a small, small voice.

Well, if that’s not desperation, I don’t know what is, but I kept my mouth shut about it. Rather, I explained that I had to get a move on. After all, my lonely apartment was waiting for me with a beckoning call.

I left her contemplating her insanity and headed out to the parking lot. When I got there, my car seemed lopsided.

Geez! I had a flat tire.

"Can I help you, honey?" I heard a smooth voice offer a solution.

"Yes, please." I said, my mind spinning as I turned, only to see a really cute puppy dog talking to me.

"I’ll tell you the secrets of the universe if you take me home and give me a cup of really good filter coffee.”

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Images are my own