We humans go through different phases of life of which none of it is constant, it is considered growth phases till eventually we grow wary and depend on those around us for care. Old age is an inevitable phase of life that awaits everything that lives, humans included. It is never an easy subject to talk about, to watch someone who was once filled with energy to slowly and gradually be depleted of strength. In where I'm from it is said that parents give birth to children to ensure there is someone to take care of them when they grow old, which kind of puts their children in the caregiver category.
It might seem like an absurd tradition especially in this century where we have homes built and filled with those who are considered to be professional caregivers to old people, those who take it as a career to care of those in their old age. It suddenly sounds like a perfect way to care for old relatives, while the children go on with their day to day life activities. I mean it is not new to anyone that old people becomes more needy as they grow older, since they have to depend on people for everything they usually do themselves as adults. Which might seem like a challenge for most children, having to handle their day to day life activities and act as care giver for their old parents or relative might seem burdensome.
Retirement homes are built to care for those who can't care for themselves, old people included. It is like a group home or boarding house for those in need of additional care. All that is needed is payment of service and care will be given, sounds cool doesn't it? Utilising resources to take of our old relatives but does it feel the same? It is no doubt that in the contract it is clearly stated that old people placed in retirement homes will be taken care of for 24/7 and their children have no need to worry about the adequacy of the care given to them, you can always visit anytime you want just to ensure the service you paid for is being rendered.
I earlier described retirement homes as a boarding house in order to use my experience to describe how it feels to be put in care of others. I attended a boarding school which I spent 6 years of life there under the care and guide of strangers who have been empowered to take the role of our parents. The thing about parenting people never really understood is that, it goes beyond providing the needs of a child and giving commands/orders a child must follow. For a stranger assuming the role of a child's parent, in most cases there is always one thing missing which is the affection, It is just never the same. What do you expect from individuals who are paid to give care to large number of children they have no blood relations with, they will definitely try there best as humans with conscience but they will never be capable of giving each child the care they deserve if they were with their parents because to them it just a job.
Speaking of retirement homes, I'm not saying they don't give adequate care, I'm sure they give the best they can but as a child who has lived with an old relative I know one or two things about what most people in their old age are desperately in need of which retirement homes can never give. My late maternal grandmother stayed with us for 12 years before she passed, in between those years she usually visit her other children before returning back to our house. Among all her in-laws my dad was her favourite because he is jovial and shares the similar area of interest with are which is farming. Due to this she feels really comfortable staying with us, sometimes it feels like she loved my dad more than her own daughter, such was the kind of bond my dad created with her.
Eventually when old age began to have effect on her, she wouldn't allow it show because my late maternal grandmother takes pride in her ability to do things herself, she was a very determined and independent woman even at her old age. It took a while before she allowed us wash her clothes and she is not a fan of washing machine, she considers it an engine that weakens her cloth fabrics, so you dare not put her cloth in a washing machine. She was a woman of principles and she believed in the traditional way of getting things done. One thing about people is the older they get the more they feel left out by the rest of the family, like they are becoming a pariah but since she was surrounded by loved ones, there was never any dull moment.
We usually engage her in most of the activities in the house, there are times our parents will send us to her to share stories about how our day went with her, we never really understood why but we gladly did. When we are done telling our own stories, then she will began telling us stories about how things were done during there own days, then we will began to compare and contrast about which era was better. Occasionally my dad throws some little sarcastic joke at her and she was never the type to let it slide, she will definitely reply and we would all laugh. The love she experienced never allowed her to slide into some kind of depression most old people feel due to being excluded from the society, which is something common in retirement homes. Most people there are just workers who never really understand the individual differences of these old people especially on the issue of privacy.
So if finance wasn't an issue, which is the most preferred option for old people, Retirement home or been taken care of by family? Based on my explanation above it is quite obvious that I would prefer being taken care by family based on the experience I have had, though this depends on the kind of family. I wouldn't want to be a burden to my children, at the same time I wouldn't want to cast aside. It is preferable to have care givers, especially nurses to attend to our old people at home for routine check up while they reside with their loved ones.
This write-up was inspired by weekly featured content titled "Retirement homes or with family" in hive learners community.
Cover image - 𝖣𝖾𝗌𝗂𝗀𝗇𝖾𝖽 𝗎𝗌𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝖼𝖺𝗇𝗏𝖺
Image 1 - Source
Image 2 - Source
The caregiver thing, no matter how professional they appear, they can't match up with a family thing. Although some are very good at their job, most of them are just employed and are working the work for payment sake. It's just the way we have nurses and doctors in the hospital. Yes, they're supposed to tolerate anything but do they? No 😅
Exactly my point, they are professionals in their jobs but the rate at which they can show concern and affection towards the old people put in their care is limited.