One of the mistakes I made in my early 20s was not recognizing my strongest support system, not understanding the difference better between a colleague and a potential friend, or distinguishing between individual growth and collective growth.
Some people want to use you to meet up with their goals in life and there are others who you equally want to use to achieve the same goal. While this phenomenon seems a bit self-centered, it's how life works.
some wealthy people are often keen to use hardworking people to propel themselves to life's highest pinnacle and dump these people afterward.
While these people are relying on the money they'll be paid, for the services they've rendered as the reward for labor, they don't know that they've been swindled of their time, innovation, and effort, and they can never truly be paid back. It's one of life's harshest realities.
Winning Or Losing The Game Of Bargain
At one point in time, some people would take advantage of our neediness to underpay us, because they feel that giving us the right dues for the efforts we've given will reduce their take-home.
Life is a business transaction no matter how differently we see it. Sometimes, we win in our bargain to get more value, sometimes, we completely lose out.
Everything we do is completely transactional
.......even when we enter unconditional unions with people, deep down somewhere, there's something we're aiming to gain.
One of the reasons why business or regular human relationships fall out is because the intent of one person is not directly proportional to the intent of the other person.
This is why we should genuinely look at intent. One of the things I never fear is losing people and the prospects I stand to gain with them, the reason is that, in whatever transactional relationship I aim to build, I hate to be the only one to win.
losing people who aim to win alone is always something I relish.
People fail to understand the basic principles of life. No matter how unconditional a human relationship is, always remember that when exchangeable values are proportional, such a relationship is bound to last longer.
There's nothing free in life, and this isn't our fault. As humans, we're built to be dependent, however, it's sad to see that greed and over-ambitiousness are why some people want to be dependent but do not want others to be equally dependent on them.
I was like this when I was younger, and when I grew older, I came to understand that the reason why I was like that was because I felt there wasn't anything I had that I could give to those who had given me everything.
In life, being broke creates the illusion of powerlessness
When people are broke, young, or ill, they believe they cannot offer anything, because they're currently incapable of rendering anything. A lot of people are in this frame of mind. They feel it's normal for them to be dependent on people, and they don't want to do the same.
A Genuine Transactional Relationship Reflects The Achievement Of The Parties Involved
When I was younger, a certain employer wouldn't employ me, but they employed my boss from my old establishment. However, my boss had to pull some strings for me to be employed even when I wasn't qualified, he stood as guarantor for me and paid 10% of my salary.
However, I was young and reckless and underappreciated his sacrifices for me, I failed to be readily available when he needed me because I felt there was nothing I could give.
I failed to understand that this man was no longer my boss, he became more than a friend. He wanted to establish a genuine relationship where we could collectively win, but I blew it.
I never really understood the magnitude of what I lost, until I grew older and met a lot of people in life.
Till today, I have tried to renew that relationship again, but the man in question wouldn't let me. It's difficult for me to explain to him, that I'm a more better person than I was 10 years ago. Why?
When a relationship built on genuinety is severed, it's difficult to rebuild.
It's generally difficult to build things that will stand the test of time, and it's even more difficult to repair when something is broken.
No matter the sentiment we hold, life is transactional and there are people who want to only use you to build themselves, you're more like a stepping stone to their greater goal and if you cannot help them achieve this goal anymore, then you become surplus to requirement.
Man's Default Nature
It's not about being wicked, this is man's default nature, except we choose to act against our instincts and become better. In the school of life, some people have attained the experiential knowledge to understand that it doesn't pay to always succumb to instincts like greed or survival syndrome.
These are the people who understand that being transactional is not bad, it's essential, but we have to establish unconditionality in our bid to be transactional, or else life itself becomes a cocoon of selfishness.
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This is such a great read. I recently entered into the biggest “transaction” of my life. I got married. And same with your views. I want to win but not alone and not at the expense of others. I found my partner for life which I could build around with and celebrate success together.
One truth is it gets lonelier at the top. I’ve experienced promotions, big pays and huge bonuses. But it seems meaningless when there’s no one to celebrate it with. Luckily for me its not really the case as i have the right woman beside me all the time.
Marriage is the biggest transaction as you've rightly pointed out and when it's done with the right person, you'd find yourselves collectively winning and achieving a lot of things in life.
Winning alone can feel lonely especially when you're at the pinnacle of your biggest accomplishments in life.
I'm happy you have the right woman by your side, there's nothing as good or as refreshing as it.
Haha 😀
Maybe have always been selfish or self centered! Cause I love being parasitic rather than being symbiotic. I love how you approach the matter cause it help people who are lost to discover themselves, why? Because as long as you lost yourself you'll start accepting everything that comes your way.
Some people are close circuit that accept any bargain with thinking deeply, what's my gain
Your story triggered a memory with one of my destiny helper. Why? Because I lack a good transactional bargain. You're fully correct in the sense that life is transactional we build a relationship because of one thing or the other. When we fail to understand this simple principle we'll start misusing some opportunities which will be terminating "Trust". Guess the reason why your boss wouldn't accept you back is because the trust is already broken. This can only be fixed with time
Thanks for sharing.
Sometimes when we don't scrutinize ourselves, it's difficult to understand whether we're symbiotic or parasitic. Sometimes, we're just subconsciously one of the two, it's natural and only discipline can make us decide to be more symbiotic. However I feel that people should strive hard to establish transactionality. This is because it's important for others to see the exact value we see in them. Trust is often established when people in a union can depend on themselves to build one another.
The result is not always the case in so many types of relationships nowadays.
As for the man, (ex-boss) I guess trust was severed and it couldn't be established again.
Ohh,yeah. As for your boss never say never dear.
The most important thing is you now understand the law, sooner or later the value and change will attract. The law of attraction still holds.
Thank for sharing,the topic is so vital and I love your approach to it
Yeah, I can never know the future, but as an adult now, I've learned look to the future and see every past broken relationship as irrenewable lessons.
Yeah,I understand. Thanks sir
I have lost people. Lots of them. This week I realized after so much thinking that all of my relationship has been transactional and I wasn't noticing.
Every time someone comes into my life, they take and take and take until I reach the bottom. When I am dry and high, our relationship sours and everyone leaves.
It took me this long to notice the pattern. I am aiming for a fresh start with each of my relationships with people. I just have one last person who has been running me dry to finish up with this week, and I'll start selecting the people I have around me.
I'm sorry about that man, but trust me, I know exactly how he feels. But don't allow the guilt to burn you, it's in the past, Move on, I'm sure that man would want this for you too.
Hahaha, well, I actually don't see this human nature as wickedness, I think it's just people being people. Accepting or embracing that inner them. So life's always going to be transactional and there will always be people who just wants to take advantage and actually not care if they're giving anything in return.
The most terrible aspect of it is that when you demand accountability or refuse to be in a one-sided relationship, this is when you'll begin to be seen as a bad or insensitive person.
As per the man in question. This thing happened about 10 years ago, but sometimes we cannot continue blaming youthfulness for one's mistakes, and there are people who wouldn't forgive even when you try to make amends. I've learned and yeah, moving on is the key.
Hah! This part. I have learned to let it go. Asking for accountability will only hurt you because the things they will spill out of their mouth will leave you wondering if you did anything wrong by being a good person to them...
This is a good decision 🥳🥳
Hahaha, irrespective of anything, I ask for accountability. I cannot be close or acquainted with people who I can share accountability with, and this is because I feel accountability is the bedrock of respect and continuity. Never been scared of losing people, especially if they're the appropriate people that needs "losing"
Lol. It's the last part for me.... The appropriate people that needs losing has to be lost... Period!!! 😆
Yeah, there's an appropriation. When we see people that needs to be lost, we'd definitely know.
I love how you narrated the transactional nature of life. I do agree with you, genuine connections built on mutual benefit and unselfishness stand the test of time.
From your personal experience I have learn the importance of recognizing and valuing selfless and genuine relationships. Thank you for sharing @josediccus.
Thanks for reading. Yeah, the test of time is what eventually matters when it comes to establish a genuine relationship where everyone is expected to equally win. Life is transactional no matter how much we seem not to want to agree. But we should genuinely build transactionality that would be mutually beneficial.
I agree 💯% with you. In every trade, profit is targeted and that's how life is. For good relationship and for everything to work well, we need to make sure that what we are helpful to others and no one is being cheated.
When we work together selflessly, it makes everyone happy with what they get at the end.
Most of us have did that mistake in early 20s... the thing is it's hard sometimes to notice who is your support system from colleague and fren especially when you're needy and they offer a hand but actually it's for their own benefit.
I was underpaid when I did my first job.. most of other colleagues were getting thrice more than what I was paid meanwhile I was doing twice more work but still had respect and stayed like more than colleagues and boss.
Having someone that you could depend on is better and doesn't make you feel left alone incapable or such.. but still, it's rare to have such relationship where you work.
Most people who are underpaid are mostly suffering from an unfair system where one person gets to benefit from the individual efforts of others. This is how life is. Most of the times, we have people who just want to overuse your efforts, just to build themselves and what they have going.
Yea, exactly!
Been through that situation and don't want to go through it again but well it's a system created for such people..
Being intent is very crucial when it comes to dealing with people, especially when you want both of you to achieve your goals. Coming to form a relationship shouldn´t be to achieve your goal alone and not the other person because such a relationship will dry off before you know it. In life, we help ourselves to rise above the height and this should be our aim and not only person enjoying the benefit alone while using the other person in vain.
Life's full of people who basically use others to achieve their goals without actually giving any credit to them. We have a lot of people who underpay others, taking advantage of the unemployment to grow themselves while poorly paying people who are giving their all. At one point in time in our lives we must've seen or known people like this.
Ah, some of the mistakes we make as we are young. I have my own share. And sometimes I am ashamed to look back and remember them.
Sometimes I look back at them and wonder, maybe if I had done better, I'd be in a better position in all ramification.
I do that too sometimes, but in some cases, it's not easy. But we can't change anything, maybe it's worth the self-reflection, but maybe it's better to just look forward.
Well, I feel the best set of people I would love to meet are the ones that will want us to grow together. Not by using me to make fame or to become successful while I won't have anything reasonable doing with my life. I just want us to help each other and lift ourselves to the top...
This reminded me of my opportunity to build a genuine friendship with a young billionaire but I blew it because I was only after what I will gain from him. Whenever I call him it was all about him buying what I my company was selling and I later lost that privilege as he stopped picking my calls. He will only call me when he need an information from me. I regretted not pursuing friendship first with him because I would have landed a better deal with him.
This is such a great read, I paused for a moment and reflected on the relationships I have.
Many people are so selfish and would only want to use you to get to their throne and when they are done with you, they discard you.
I have experienced this a couple of times and I am beginning to be less selfless, It's not in my nature to think of me first, but I have learned the hard way.
Genuine friendships are really hard to come by lately, so when you have one, cherish it so much. A friendship that which both of you are looking out for each other and genuinely want the other to grow. If I come in contact with such friends, I won't let go oh.
I have always believed people come and go but the constant thing is life moves on
It's a process in life. There are a lot of things we don't realize when we are young and we only realize things until alter on in life. I don't think there is much you can change about the past but you can change that about what happens in the future. You can always show your respect to your former supervisor and tell him you are sorry. Just learn and move on, but I do agree that there are a lot of transactional stuff happening in our lives.
!DHEDGE
It is just like breaking a glass and trying to bring its pieces together... It would not work.
Man always strives to use man to accomplish life's successes and you're right, it's more difficult to repair than to build. Repair always has a difference from a new.
It's man's nature to exploit to greatness and only few stand out for collective wins