The very first time I heard aboutgender equity, my thought was that maybe everyone starts getting the same/equal things, maybe my dad won't be using two meat to eat again, and if he does, then we all will be using two meat as well😜. I was very happy with that, cause most of the time I feel the way they serve our food is always partial. Not until years later did I realized it had nothing to do with either food or meat. I got to know that gender equity is not about being the same, but about being fair.
I grew up in a Nigerian home, where both dad and mum handle things, and you will hardly know who it was that made it possible, there are days my dad would say he has nothing on him, that doesn't mean we would sleep on an empty stomach. We all knew my dad to be the main provider, and my mum...a very great supporter she was. She would clean, make kunu and sobo to sell in a secondary school, make kulikuli on weekends, go to farm and all, while still managing us five kids. It has always been that the man brings in the money and the woman does every other thing, and sometimes, she still brings money too...
I was having a discussion with a female friend of mine some years ago, we were having some random discussion about marriage roles and stuff, and I jokingly said, “When I marry, I’ll be the one to cover for the big stuff, while you will handle the light ones..” She looked at me with a different kind of eye and said, “Then I will handle the big things of carrying the pregnancy and breastfeeding, while you handle the little things like sleepless nights, backing and such... It does sounds funny right, wee, we just laughed it off....but from that day onward, I started having a rethink.
Personally, I feel gender equity is communicating and asking.....*what can we do? What can both of us do so one partner doesn't feel too burdened? How can we help each other?, this and more is what equity means, not a battle of who does what. It means, when she's cooking, you shouldn't just be there reading a newspaper, help her wash the dishes or attend to the kids, when he's low on cash as well, and you happen to have...give, release it. It's all about how we are going to survive together and not arguing. It's not his duty, neither is it her role. It's just the reality you/we must face. And every other home you might want to compare yours with has their own reality, so better face yours.
Even though I'm still single, I try to practise it. If my partner comes visiting, she does the dishes while I cook, I love cooking a lot, so.....it doesn't bother me, also, most of the time, I do the cleaning myself, I love my space well arranged and neat...even when I was still in school, a lot of people think I stay together with my partner, some say I'm too girlish, why? Because you can't come visiting and meet my space dirty or disorganized, even if you come unannounced. There are times I pack the dishes or do the washing after we are done eating, there are times we do it together.....It never made me feel less of a man.
Who says chores are only meant for one gender, I grew up in a family of five children earlier we get things right, the better it is for us. Guys shouldn't be seen as weak for showing their emotions, ladies shouldn't also be talked down or discouraged for being ambitious. House chores shouldn't have a gender tag, spending as well shouldn't have a tag.
Well, as I would always say...I'm a work in progress. I'm still growing, and I'm learning and unlearning certain things. But, fairness should be the foundation of every home, a partner shouldn't see whatever he/she is doing as a favor.
All pictures are mine.
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