More Than Love and Emotions....

More than the "I love you", more than just feelings and hearts beating genuinely for the other person, more than always wanting to be with/around the other person, more than wanting to see, hear and speak with the other person.... Love is not the only thing that hold a marriage. Love is good, believed to be the most important reason but it is still not enough to sustain a marriage. There is trust, transparency,honesty, kindness, willingness to accept the truth without being defensive,hardworking, goal oriented, emotional intelligence, etc.

Divorce is the direct opposite of marriage, the tearing apart of two individuals who vowed to be together forever. It is heartbreaking to realize that is it no longer like you wanted with the other person, heartbreaking for family and friends too.

When a marriage is in shambles, the children are mostly what everyone speak about, their experience and how it can affect them but rarely do people consider how much of a burden it is for a parent seeking divorce, their wellbeing also matters. Not invalidating the effect it will have on children from a divorced marriage but women or men also suffer from divorce.

When I was a lot younger, there was this woman, quite popular and friendly. She had 4 kids and stays like 5 neighborhoods away from my home. For reasons unknown to many, her husband became a drunk. He was a huge man, very thick and loud voice: he makes it obvious each times he wants to correct his wife, always shouting to point out her mistakes no matter the time of the day or how bad what she did was.

Gradually, this man instilled a very heavy an unnecessary fear in the children that they could hardly breath well whenever he is around. His wife seems not to settle for all he was doing, stood against him and the only thing this man could think of was beating up his own wife. Remember I said he was huge, had a body like that of a wrestler naturally. Soon, beating up his wife became an habit. His wife will stay at home for several days to heal and his consistency in this made her lose her job, failed her customers. There was no one to save her.

The kids grew up hating this man, the daughter already had a different idea about men, the boys can't wait till the day they get strong and confident enough to revenge all the beatings he gave their mother. They say it whenever they are outside. They and their mother were popular, even in their schools because of how their home was. It had a very crazy effect on their mother because the man was not ashamed to talk about how he dealt with his wife. He threatens the his own family to not report him to his family members.

Later on, those children grew up having no iota of respect or reference for their dad. The oldest male would not even sleep at home at times because he was tired of his dad, he also beats the children too.

Honestly, I think whatever would cost or take away peace should be avoided in marriage. Divorce is not a better option but sometimes it's the only option. As long as the actions of one of the partner is really unbearable for either a parent or the children , it is advisable to leave the marriage. A rather solution is never to rush to marry, choose a partner wisely, some possibility of them being abusive (or having a bad character) is usually expressed subtly in words or actions.

Divorce is more than a heartbreak from a relationship, it's more like a repeated heartbreak, burdensome and weary. The only way out is change of character in the partner causing it or leave(which comes with great sacrifice).

_{Image used in this post was gotten and edited on Canva.}