“So I'm going to barbecue tomorrow,” Sgt. Vincent Trent said to his family and neighbors, “because we are dedicating the day to Vanna's brilliance in the world of popcorn.”
“Thanks, Dad,” Vanna said, “because the minute a rib comes off your grill, ain't nobody thinking about popcorn.”
“I am!” five-year-old Lil' Robert Ludlow from next door said.
“Me too!” nine-year-old George his brother said. “We're good on both of those!”
“We just need more!” Lil' Robert said.
“Of all of it – I mean, have y'all heard Rob's meal plan?” George said. “I mean, we can appreciate all of it – tell 'em, Rob!”
“See, it's easy, because, see, we can eat real efficient – and yes, I can spell it and I know what it means – E-F-F-I-C-I-E-N-T – you do it as fast as you can do it right – and see, George and me know how to get to some food, so, there are three houses here, and we all love each other but we gotta start with Grandma, because, see, Grandma, and also we live in our house, but we don't have to leave anybody out, because, see, we just need Cousin Maggie to do us a to-go plate for breakfast and then we will come eat that, and then you can take turns, Mrs. Melissa and Mama Velma, on putting together to-go plate, but, we're OK with you each doing one because, see, we will eat it all, and by that time, boom, lunch, so, we'll eat lunch with you, Mrs. Melissa and Mama Velma, and then if you could just have our to-go plates, Cousin Maggie, and Grandma, we will get back to you in time to eat those, and then of course we are having dinner with Grandma, because, see, Grandma, but if you, you, and you would just put our to-go plates up we promise we will get to you before bedtime, because, see, we love tasting all the love, see, because, and then--!”
“Yeah!” George said. “What he said and all that he said!”
“Well,” Sgt. Trent said, “it's good for anyone who has a food business to have y'all around to appreciate it!”
“Absolutely – see, our next thing is, we're figuring out where the restaurants are that have 24-hour service, because when we get that together, we are really going to be getting it in!” George said.
“See, because, I heard that truckers need to eat all night and that's why we lost half a load of soda once,” Lil' Robert said. “They also got thirsty.”
“Yes, and had to learn about 'thou shalt not steal,' Sgt. Trent said. “Didn't know you knew about that, Rob, but that is what happened.”
“Well, see, Papa was praying that night and he was real, real mad,” Lil' Robert said.
“Just telling the Lord about the situation,” George said, “and about what he wanted to do to the folks involved but was going to let the Lord and the law handle it because he had some ideas about where to put some of those soda bottles – but he didn't say and just gave it up to the Lord.”
“I think God is into recycling too!” George and Robert's seven-year-old sister Amanda Ludlow offered.
“And that was where Maggie and Melissa and Mr. Stepforth had to exit stage left,” Col. Lee said to Sgt. Trent much, much later.
“Melissa was just hanging on to her father for dear life as they both just about broke a rib or two laughing,” Sgt. Trent said.
“Maggie just has to go to bed,” Col. Lee said, “because she will roll right off that couch during these laugh fests with the Ludlows.”
“Where do they get this stuff – I mean, I have Gracie, and Gracie is never more than half a minute away from blowing your mind and your day plan, and I have Milton and all his amazing ideas.”
“I'm still trying to get past Milton understanding that Mozart had culture because he understood that 'Papa Don't Take No Mess' but couldn't be James Brown and so wrote that up for Commendatore in Don Giovanni,” Col. Lee said.
“My favorite is still masculine embroidery arts by using a staple gun instead of needles and thread,” Sgt. Trent said.
“Say what?” Col. Lee said.
“I kept it from getting over to the Ludlow house, so you might not have heard about that one, Colonel.”
“Which is the answer to your question about where they get this stuff, Sergeant – these little geniuses are cross-pollinating each other's minds, in addition to their constant attempts to understand adult situations that we are doing a fairly good job making sure they don't understand. We have our conjectures, but we will never know what Capt. Ludlow had in mind, because he was wise enough to remember his voice carries really well, and also, not to say it.”
“Yeah, I have to think of that all the time, because I have a whole quality eavesdropping brigade over here,” Sgt. Trent said. “Gracie, Milton, and Velma are openly in all the business we don't actively keep them out of.”
“Why we have these quiet midnight chats,” Col. Lee said.
“Yes, sir – other things and activities for where the sun don't shine,” Sgt. Trent said.
