I take a quick peek into the lecture hall and he's the only one there. His face is like he's sucking a lemon. Drawing in breath, I beeline to where he's seated.
“I've been looking everywhere for you. What's up with the sour expression?” He doesn't look at me. He just sits there shaking his head vehemently and tapping the desk with his index finger like he's scared but also infuriated.
“Is everything okay Peller?” I'm holding his face up so he's looking at me. I can feel my heart running through my chest as I search his eyes for hints.
Peller is oblivious of that fact that I have a crush on him and I was bent on taking my feelings to the grave if he never asked. As much as I always craved his presence and knew he did crave mine because we were really close, I didn't want mistaking platonic love for something romantic. Neither did I want to tell him the truth and end up heartbroken much less lose him as a friend.
“I'm sick of this school.” He murmurs. His eyes are glassy and I can see pain in them. My entire body ached watching him express so much pain but all I can do is rub his head and until he spills the real tea, I'd only wonder what could have happened.
The peller I know rarely wears distasteful expressions. He's always vibrant and most times, his vibrancy gets me jealous. But right now, he looks different. He looks like he needs the biggest warmest hug. I feel like planting my lips on his and locking them there. I want to hold him real close and tell him it's okay but I don't want to be too forward with my insane feelings.
Suddenly, he does something that leaves my stomach on fire. He pulls me so that I'm standing in front of him and he wraps his arms around my waist and locks his hands behind, placing his head on my not so accommodating chest. My face is completely flushed. I tilt my head up and bat my eyes so that the tears packed in eyes don't trickle down my cheeks.
Someone suddenly shuffles into the classroom disrupting the quietness. He glances at us but doesn't wear any emotions. He looks lost and has a headset on. He's Peller's coursemate. Why do they all look sad? A lecturer must have done something really terrible.
“Today was her second time of coming to class and she gave an impromptu, difficult test. Katie wasn't in class on time and by the time she arrived, Ms Hart didn't let her in and she said there was going to be nothing like a makeup test. Katie was upset after the whole drama. When I walked up to her, to cheer her up, she dismissed me before I could even say a word. I love her so much Savannah and I'm hurt knowing she's hurt.”
That makes two of us Pell. That makes two of us.
The tears I'd been holding back trickle down my cheeks after he's done speaking but I still let him hold me. It's like compensation for the heart break. Now I'm the one with the face like I sucked lemon.
A bead of tears mistakenly drops on his head and he feels it because there's not much hair on his head. He unwraps his arms from my waist and glances up at me. “What's wrong?” I'm tempted to kiss and tell him but I guess my pride is bigger than my heart. I shake my head “it's fine Peller . She'll come around.” He's searching my face now as his eyes are all over me. It feels like he's dissecting my entire being into tiny pieces. I swallow and wait for hi to find whatever he's looking for by holding the eye contact. Then he smiles and says “You look nice today as always.”
I feel my heart drop back heavily into the ribcage. The odds were against me probably because I wasn't his coursemate. He's a chemistry finalists and I'm a mere sophomore in the stupidest department. I feign a smile and lip thank you.
I can see his expression lighting up as he begins telling me of how his day really went. I smile because I know that one day, if I don't die of the heartbreak from hearing him speak of Katie, he'll see that I love and care so much about him and maybe, just maybe, he'll learn to love me too in the way that I want. Till then, I'll wait and keep giving him listening ears whenever he wants to talk about anything even if it's about her.