I spoke with a friend yesterday, and he was telling me about his "work problems." Obviously, he has been working hard to get a promotion that will increase his "take-home" and, of course, improve his standard of living, which means he will be able to set more goals, start a family, and have children. All of these plans would only work if he was promoted; however, he has tried and used everything he believes he has in his arsenal, and it has still not worked.
So, rather than directly motivating him to stay positive or do better, I began to tell him about my own problem. At the age of 30, I was orphaned and had lost all of my nuclear family members. Because of illnesses, I missed numerous opportunities to work in positions that would have helped me improve my financial situation. If the Nigerian economy was actually functioning well, I could have applied for what we call disability in the United States. Multiple chronic illnesses and diagnoses, as well as living alone with no one to care for me, made it seem like every effort I made was in vain.
When I still had a family, I did not give my condition much thought, but losing them all sent me into a tailspin. So it did not really matter if I was broke or not. People are difficult to motivate when told to stay positive and do better. When you say this to them, you are underestimating the battles they have fought and the energy they have expended. It is critical to tell them they have done well to get this far, to applaud their efforts, and to finally show them that they are better off.
I was attempting to tell my friend that he was in a far better situation than I was, without undermining his situation. He had money problems, and they were obviously affecting him. He had failed in numerous trials and had begun to wonder if he was cut out for life. He had a mother to support, as well as numerous bills to pay; these bills would not pay themselves, and his inability to do so began to eat away at him. He told me he tried drinking (which he had never done before), but I was relieved he did not mention suicide.
Nobody deserves to be in this mental state. I told him that he was not beyond redemption and that he had plenty of time to overcome his obstacles. He was younger and healthier, which meant he had plenty of time to be fortunate if things started to work.
I told him he had to keep going, but he was not a failure, and he needed to hear my side of the story to understand that he was not alone and that I was even going through a crazy depressive episode.
One of the most depressing aspects of life is not having anything to motivate you. I used to believe that if I had enough money, a good wife, and a nice family, it would be enough to keep me going, but now I am not sure that having any of these things will change my mental state.
I had lost far too much in less than three years, and sometimes the things that motivate us to keep going are the things we do not appreciate until they are no longer there. We do not always pay attention to how difficult life is; it is not because life is not difficult; it is just that we have distractions that keep us tethered. There are some things we choose to ignore, and it is not because they do not exist; we simply choose to ignore them for a variety of reasons.
I knew there were times when life was difficult for me.
Looking back, I must have overestimated my strength. The truth is that I was not the one who motivated myself to keep going. Back then, I had strong motivating factors, but I somehow underestimated the support system.
The world is a lot weirder.
The problems we face today are more serious than they were previously. When I was in my early 20s, the world seemed simpler. This is not to say that there was not enough hardship. Hardships existed, but the world was better designed to assist people in dealing with their mental stress and problems. The advancement of technology has made it easier for depression to thrive. You stay on the phone and ask people how they are because you know the only option they have is to respond with "fine."
It is messed up, and sometimes we only realize this when we take a break from the rat race of life and start reflecting from the beginning. I saw someone post a poll asking people whether they would take ten million dollars or go back in time to correct their mistakes. Of course, many people opted to go back in time. Money is useful, but it cannot fix a messed-up life or a deteriorating mental state. Everyone requires a motivator, something deeper, more rigid, and, of course, very solid.
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Great post! Of course we would all want to go back and change the one big mistake, but now I would have taken the money that would go to my son!
The world is an overly complicated place and nothing is straight forward anymore. What I believed to be true when I was twenty-one now makes no sense whatsoever. We change, the world changes, and one would hope for the better but it's not always the case.
I guess in the end we hang on is because it's all we have. There are some new projects I would love to start but don't have the energy that I used to. Health problems really suck!
Do you still have a way to get disability there?
Yeah, well I'd definitely change a lot. But we humans are not given such opportunities to Change anything as we can only imagine and wonder if things like these can be possibilities.
I hope to be able to run some of the projects I planned as well. I'm believing some way, somehow that a lot of amazing things is still possible in my life.
The country is the worst place you want to be on earth, it's why I won't advise anyone to be here, and no. The government doesn't care about its citizens
Seeing the way you have spoken to someone about what you are going through when he sees himself as someone who isn't cut out for life is interesting.
The truth is that, when we hear others' stories, we get to just thank God for ours. I am sorry your friend felt that way. He should just continue going because it is a phase that will pass.
Well he doesn't have a choice but to continue, he has a great future ahead, at least I'd like to think that way. Plus, he knows what has been happening all these while with me. No better person to understand what you're going through but that person who has seen pain and loss.
Yeah, that's right. I hope he continues moving then.
When the expectations or perceived reality of the future isn't looking good, it's quite hard to find the motivation to keep going, especially from internally. I think having an immediate external motivating factor like a loved one can give us this ability to keep going despite everything looking gloomy or grim. The world nowadays is definitely more complex and having the will to keep going, to stay alive, to thrive is almost like a super power.
You're right. The will to keep going is a super power. Sometimes there are no positives to draw strength from. Sometimes everything contributes to even worsen matters. When things are completely bad on all angles, taking positives becomes impossible because there are no positives.
Life is hard for everyone and I agree that sometimes we just need some motivation to go on. It could be hobbies or other things such as people to push you forward. I am glad that you are looking outwards and trying to motivate others. I hope you are able to get better soon. If you are unsatisfied with something, you just have to make changes to change that. It may not work out but nothing will change unless you do it.
Well I think that my friend was motivated by me, and he's drawn the courage to continue pushing, seeing that there are people whose situations are even worse.
Nothing is easy of late, change direction slightly trying something new is possibly the best approach.
Older you get the more you question, trying to achieve takes a gutsy approach, unfortunately most are not prepared to gamble a bit, therein we lose out.
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You're right. Nothing is easy of late.
I think it's also mental strain, too much information!
Hardships are the testing factors of our life and what we want - we get later or soon after the period is over. But what I feel is that, there is a point upto where we need to restrict ourselves expecting more out of life.
Once we get to that point of achievement or success we have to make our mind to be satisfied, for family for friends and everyone in the life. Thats my take on the matter.
Everyone expects more from life at a certain point, unless you actually were born with circumstances that surrounds you not expecting much. However, you're right on your take.
I can imagine how your friend feels. It’s normal to have been trying something for a long time and he didn’t get it but it will still happen
The funniest thing is that he may not get promoted in this workplace but get another job which is paying extremely high
Well, that's it. He may try another place and just get the promotion
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A man is always thinking about how he can provide a good life for his family, bear all their expenses and live a good life for everyone and this is what motivates him when he works hard. Parents, brothers and sisters will all be able to live one thing.
True
Yeah.
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I can relate to this right here. I'm sure your friend got motivated after hearing about all you had been through, and you were still going.
Life indeed is not as easy a we assume it to be. I remember being a kid and wanting to grow up and be an adult who has everything. In reality adulting is way harder, something that we cannot comprehend in our childhood. It’s good to have someone to talk to about your feelings and problems. Friend in need is a friend indeed.