The Reality and the Illusion of Self

The concept of "I" sometimes eludes me.

I am a collection of patterns or chemical reactions.

I am my 5 senses processed through experiences.

I am this body.

I am a singular point in space time.

I am the cursor on a keyboard.

I am code.

I am inheritance.

I am will. But will of what?

I am chaos. I am order.

I am an antenna that picks up whatever frequencies it tunes to.

I am the one who chooses what to tune to.

I am knots untangling.

A black hole.

A singularity.

I am water in a bottle.

I am the ocean.

I am the observer and the observed.

I am “that” which experiences “this.

I am you (and you, me).

There are no true individuals, only agreement between many smaller parts that function as a whole.

But each of those parts, has smaller parts, as we are parts of a larger whole.

And yet, we experience whatever this is as singular nodes, and so there must be some value in that, to be a self.

It feels right, to enjoy being a self. It is one half of the whole.

The other half is to remember, that all individuals are collectives.

We can still observe our stories as chemical reactions playing out....on the dance floor, or in a dark alleyway.

This is not just you and me.

You are a story with your settings and characters and plotlines. I am the same.

Countless universe collide, constantly, every moment.

My hands on the keyboard reacting to my life story, the electrical impulses and a mixture of elements in my body, subtle energies, and the history of humanity up until this point, where I can push my fingers in memorized patterns to express thoughts in coded sounds represented through characters.

This is all just a reflection.

And God is a child, making faces in the mirror.

(Photo taken by my brother, maybe 2002)

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