I think the way many of us live our lives, we die a little bit every day. Perhaps it's a form of fear: a low-level discomfit, a growing awareness of wasting our time, our lives, a fear of irrelevance, of inadequacy?

Yes. I think this is a large part of it and the way we spend our time chasing the approval of strangers and being outraged online quickens the degradation. Many these days raised on the internet seemingly have died before they even had a chance to live.

That's a story for another day, and on the bright side, I did develop a useful work ethic that I'm now actually attempting to keep in balance with the rest of life

Sometimes it takes rock bottom to realize. Many miss it even then.

but whatever I do, it must have meaning. It comes down to the "why", doesn't it?

Yep.

When I'm lying on my deathbed, looking up at the ceiling, I know what kind of thoughts I want to be having, and what kind I don't. I want to smile on recalling that I did my best, that I made a difference to others. I know I'll pain at the knowledge of all my missed opportunities to bring true value to others, to have not helped when I could.

I get the sense that a lot of people thinking about their deathbed thoughts are more concerned with how they will be remembered, rather than how they actually lived. It seems peopel are curating their life to appease the expectations of others.

I don't have answers; it's clear I'm still trying to "figure it out" myself.

The meaning of life - discovering who we are and what we are capable of.

I would like to thank you for putting in a really good comment with a lot of yourself in there. :)