I felt like an absolute moron

This was many years back, decades actually. I was living in the UK and got signed up to a game of paintball by a friend of mine.

I was excited about it but I really didn't want all the bruises so I wore my thickest jacket (they call them NATO jackets here and they have a fake fur lining that is detachable). I thought I was being so smart. Well, I hadn't taken the terrain into account or the fact that even though we were playing in the woods, it was the height of summer. All I had underneath it was a tank top and bra.

It was a standard game of capture the flag and I had visions of grandeur thinking I'd use my vertical challenges to my advantage and be speedy like a ninja. Well I wasn't. I was damn slow as all hell in that heavy jacket and I kept getting caught in the crossfire of a set of brothers who were well known for scaling trees and taking shots at anyone passing to gain access to the flag area. Oh man did they take it out on me. Eventually I had to give up the jacket, exposing my arms and torso. I paid for it. A LOT.

I got close to the flag a few times but didn't know that it had been placed in a metal trunk and flung into a huge swamp like ditch that you actually had to wade through to reach the submerged trunk. I would never have been able to lift it up with my body strength, but my buddy managed somehow.

At the end of the game there was some chatting and then they did this little prize giving thing.

He got showered with accolades for getting into the mud and pulling out the trunk while being covered by his team and won the sportsman of the day.

Then there were a few other notes and prizes dished out including to the two tree climbing brothers for their agility and loyalty to defending the flag.

Then this dude said something about this little chick who he kept seeing all over the show in a big olive green jacket. He called me up but I didn't hear the last part, so I went up with a big smile thinking how cool, must have done something right and was awarded my prize.

Going back to sit down I happily packed my award away in my bag and we carried on with being social. It was only later on the tube that I pulled them out of my bag and asked "why did I get a bag of piggy sweets?"

He looked at me in a kind of embarrassing way and said "did you not hear what he said before you went up?" I said "no, it was too noisy, why, what did he say?"... "you got the piggy prize". I blinked and stared blankly at him. "What in the fuck is a piggy prize?" I asked incredulously, never having even heard the term before.

He told me what it was blanketed with niceties on both ends to try and lessen the blow, but man oh man did I feel like an absolute fool that day having gone up there thinking I had done well. I sat glumly and thought about it for a couple minutes, physically shrinking into my seat... then I sulkily opened my pack of sweets and tasted one. They were good gummies. Yes, I felt like a fool, but at least I got a nice tasting piggy prize.

Image source
https://www.pexels.com/photo/pig-themed-food-1938266/

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