.jpg)
There was an abattoir in the lane behind the house where I grew up. We local kids were convinced that one of the men who worked there—who looked uncannily like Vincent Price and hauled carcasses to waiting vans—would kill us and bury us out back. We called him “the man who’ll put you in the black hole.” Whenever he stepped onto the street, splattered head-to-toe in blood, we’d scatter in all directions, screaming.
Which, of course, has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that in the company of strangers, say, in a waiting room or a lift, I simply cannot endure awkward silence. I feel compelled to break it with some clever quip or bon mot. It’s not that I keep a repertoire of witty lines; it’s just that discomfort makes me blurt the first thing that pops into my mind which, naturally, is always witty.
No doubt you’ll recall my post about the visit to the vet when I walked into a packed, silent waiting room carrying my chicken in a cardboard box. Heads lifted from screens, curious. I swept into the centre of the room and announced, “Ladies, gentlemen, and those as yet undecided, may I present my wry-neck chicken,” after which I bowed theatrically and took a seat. Someone clapped making everyone laugh and soon people were chatting. The vet even knocked €50 off the bill...presumably for my services as impromptu entertainer.
Now that’s what I call a day out.
.png)
These days, though, my sparkling repartee often falls on deaf ears, as everyone is permanently plugged into some noise-spewing device. My brilliance, wasted on the wilfully distracted. Still, I persist. I’d rather talk to myself than agonise in the silence.
However, should you feel tempted to try my ice-breaking techniques, dear reader, do be warned, one-to-one situations are another matter entirely. Sit me beside a stranger on a bus or a plane and I will do everything humanly possible to avoid conversation. I mean, there’s no escape if they turn out to be a bore, and let’s be honest, most are. In that scenario, silence is infinitely preferable to hours of twaddle about football or reality TV.
And so, for the intellectually vulnerable among you, I have devised a helpful mnemonic to remember my methods:
In a crowd, make it loud. One-to-one, keep shtum.
-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
Posted in response to galenkp's weekend experience
prompt asking: Awkward silence, or talking too much...do you do one or the other and weirdest thing you believed was true when you were a child?
The images are random, taken on Dublin streets, and do not necessarily reflect my opinions.
It's a curse! I hate talking to people. Really, I do. I don't hate people, but it's a strain keeping up a conversation. And yet, as my husband notes in frustration, as soon as I'm next to someone--a grocery clerk, anyone--I make conversation. It's nerves. I'm exhausted when it's over and try never to meet that person again because of the implied familiarity that exists.
It's an irony that I give the impression of being sociable. In actuality, I'm a recluse :))) I've compared myself to Boo Radley (To Kill a Mockingbird).
Once again a great blog, and there you have me 'talking'. But online it's OK.
😆 That's gas. We're two of a kind. People think I’m outgoing, but really I’m full of angst. I clown around to keep people from spotting the anxiety.
And thanks for the reblog:)
Have you ever tried creating an uncomfortable silence to test someone? And when they stutter some stupid salad of words to make it less awkward, you just stare at them in disgust? It's a mighty elevating feeling. I heard. Never tried it, of course, I'm no sadist. Just kidding, surely I did it, with great joy. I refrain from it now that I have felt the power it withholds, to be saved for another day, savored in drops, to not numb the satisfaction by greedily gorging the pleasure. That control over instinct, is that not what keeps me human?
The scene with the chicken must have been great, but you have all my respect for bringing the chicken to the vet, 99,9% of the people would just let it die (or straight kill and eat)
#hive #posh