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When I was a kid, I always felt confident in myself. Making my assignments on my own, I am always active in participating in activities, and making projects makes me excited because it is so challenging!

There was nothing I always did back then, but I love studying because my mom always told me that I should focus on studying rather than playing outside. I love what I always do too because I had a role model back then, which was my uncle, who was a civil engineer. I always say to myself, "I want to be like him in the future," which is right now.

However, at a young age, I experienced being compared with my sister and my cousins by our relatives. I realized that though you are doing your best, it's still not enough for them. They are still their favorites, even though their grades are not that much better than mine. So I changed my perspective on studying and told myself, "Though we don't have honor this time, at least we passed."

So, I just enjoyed my days as a student, not being mindful of the honor and place or being competitive with my sister and cousins. But of course, I can't neglect myself by not participating in poster-making contests.

And I realized that I hadn't made a mistake in choosing the path that I did when I was a kid because I don't like to feel pressured by the expectations of our family, just like my sister is ranting right now because they were disappointed in her before because she didn't continue studying in college and she chose to study another course after 2 years. Meanwhile, my younger cousin, who is studying right now in college, is ranting at me, telling me some things that I didn't expect, such as that she doesn't want to study anymore and asking me how I managed to graduate from high school, be on top, and maintain my good grades despite the fact that I was attending my class while drunk with friends at that time and I said that, "Maybe it's because I used to think that being successful in life was not based on having great grades in school, or because I don't like to waste my youthful life by just focusing on books?".

This weekend, I remembered myself and how I was as a student in the past because of this question:

"Would you prefer to have a higher level of intelligence and be physically unattractive or be very good looking, but dumb. Explain your answer in at least 300 words."

from @galenkp 's Weekend #130: Weekend engagement concept post in Weekend experiences community.

There is this question inside of my mind after I read the question. Like, am I really pretty? Am I an intelligent person? So that's why I remember myself in the past, and there's a back story included on this blog because, to be honest, I really don't know if I am pretty or intelligent.

But to answer that question,

I prefer to be a person who is not pretty and dumb.

Because being too pretty is very scary in this kind of generation right now. Many beautiful women were being sexualized everywhere by arrogant men because of their looks and bodies.

I don't even like to be on trend to impress some guys around and just choose to wear something simple and not too revealing, even if many people around me will talk about my outfit being outdated or my messy hair and the fact that I don't apply makeup and look like I just woke up. I don't even care because that is where I am comfortable.

I admit that I am not that brilliant, and there are so many things in this world that I don't know that other people do. But I think being dumb is much better than being intelligent because you will learn, you will enjoy learning, and you will enjoy the challenges. Unlike the people who are born intelligent and geniuses, I think their lives are boring because they already know the answers and they already know what to do without even making an effort or hard work.

You know, there's nothing wrong with being dumb. It's just that it's because of the judgmental people in our society. There are people around who act as if they are the most intelligent in this world, and being curious and slow in studying doesn't mean they know nothing. But we have this thing called "lack of confidence." We are not brave enough to share our thoughts with everyone about one subject or topic.

They know the answer, but they don't know how to answer it well or how they can explain it to other people, and they are afraid that they will be criticized or judged by others.

Because sometimes, admit it or not, intelligent people are the most likely to be the first to tell someone that they are not on their level. Like when they knew someone got the lowest score, when someone misspelled a word, when they knew someone hadn't studied in college and was just working in a market, etc., they were always the ones who laughed.

In fact, dumb people are also smart because they can show their ability and skill in their own way, which the smart people of the world don't know.

So my answer is neither of those two. This is all for my entry for this weekend's engagement, and I hope you enjoyed reading! Actually, I don't know how to express my thoughts about this question, so I included the backstory that I remembered while reading the question and processed it in my answer to ease my nervousness about answering this question!

Thanks for reading!

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Published by: @xanreo | HIVE
Date: December 3, 2022 (Saturday)