I've experienced this kind of moment several times in my life. For one reason or another, I fall into the harsh embrace of depression. It's not clinical; I don't need treatment, just a little affection from someone who truly loves me.
But beyond that, what I want to reflect on is my reaction to the world around me. Usually, my reaction is to isolate myself.
But you have to understand that isolation isn't a phenomenon in itself, but rather part of the general apathy that pervades me when I'm like this. The same apathy that stops me from doing what I want to do, as I mentioned in the previous post. That same apathy that kills the desire to do even the things that would actually make me feel better, leading to the illusion that even doing what makes you feel good requires too much effort; it's better to rot in bed scrolling through a video after another.
And after all this preamble, I'll get to the point: posting.
Showing myself alive on social media. Including Hive.
Does it make sense to do it anyway, even if I'm experiencing this condition?
The beauty of Hive is that to be present, I don't have to show off like on Instagram or TikTok. I just have to write.
But I'm aware that I'm feeling bad and that negative thoughts have taken over my brain now. So I ask myself: does it make sense to come here and write what's on my mind, if I know it's probably going to be negative? How much longer can I push before people get tired of me and my discomfort?
Don't worry, it won't last long... I hope. But in the meantime, maybe it's better if I shut up and make an effort to share only the good and interesting things, instead of sterile complaints that only serve to let me vent momentarily.
Or not?
Is Hive built different? Yet it's still made up of human beings, and we know that dealing with complainers for too long makes you lose the desire to interact with them.
I write here on the flame because this is the fire burning inside me right now. I let it burn a bit, hoping not to do any damage.
I know you can be nice to me and reassure me: "No, don't worry. You're safe here, you can vent, no one will hate you for this."
But I know what happens in your brain when you deal with serial complainers. That little annoyance that builds inside you, and grows post after post until you decide you've had enough and, for your own sanity, you'd rather block the complainer and never see their posts again.
My self-preservation instinct kicks in, and I know I'm already pushing the envelope with this post. If you never see me complaining about my mental state again, it will mean one of two things: either I've gotten over it; or I've managed to resist the urge to come here and complain again.
I hate myself when I wallow in complaints because I know how hateful it is to those around me.
May my fire turn back to red and yellow soon 🔥
If you're curious about who I am and what I do you can visit my website harbiter.com or my Instagram.
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i love all emotions, i enjoy depression.
working with your shadows is beautiful and sharing your thoughts is powerful.
we are programmed to think its not good and maybe we use wrong words sometimes in interactions.
but i think we all go through a lot of shit these days and its some type of connection
within and with others.
now i have zero pity, i never feel pity for people.
i also despise agressivity and blatant psychological toxicity.
everything else is welcome, i like your post for the flame, blue or red is still you.
and you are also beautiful, thank you for sharing your photo and your thoughts 🩷
Thank you 😊 I'm glad to have a place like this one where I can share my own self and thoughts and be understood
We all go through that phase when we don’t even understand ourselves not to even talk about others understanding us. I have been there couple of times and I felt so numb and negative but as you said and believe, it doesn’t stay that way forever.
And yes, the flames is a place for every thing you feel and even most importantly, how you feel it. It’s a pleasure to have this here so others understand and relate with these things and not hide it while hurting silently without anyone to help.
Sending you some positive energy and love hoping you feel it and know you are not walking alone. This too will pass.
!PIMP
@hopestylist here!
Thanks for your kind words. I'm already getting out of it. Luckily there are some good things happening in my life right now that are helping me stay above the surface
Yay! That’s great!
Hopefully this time you can use it to learn how to stay on the surface even when that feeling comes again.
!PIMP
I've been there a few times. It as if my dealing with Parkinson's disease making typing three times harder to do. It's also a head thing, I'm not out of the woods yet dealing with the recent loss of my best friends and mother. I usually struggle through it. I will eventually get out of it when I'm ready.
You'll find your way back into your zone.
🤗
Thank you.
I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you'll be better soon 🤗
We are here for you, but it is not always easy to express your feelings online. There are nasty people out there who will exploit it, but I don't see too much of that here for now. I can hope it stays that way.
Rock on!
!BEER
We all go through cycles just as the Earth does. We're going into the Fall season up here in the North hemi; things are dying. I'm switching my music playlists into Goth, Shoegaze, Dreampop and the like. I'm also watching what I eat because it has a dramatic affect on my mood. I'm not a fan of veggies but my brain is. Cutting out the easier pre-packaged over processed foods and adding things that look like they did when they were growing in the ground. Maintaining an exercise routine so the habit stays strong as the weather gets colder.
Just riffing on your ideas in this post. Thanks for sharing your feelings as I share mine in the Comment section! It's good to share feelings.
I think there is a very very good chance of that happening!
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