"Hey! Peter, what is that in your hand? You have sat there for a long time smiling and talking to yourself. Don't let me assume you have gone out of your senses, it is too early for that, my dear",
My mother said when she noticed as she walked into the parlour that I was sitting down on the floor smiling.
"I had to take some rest, mother. Cleaning this whole house by myself is not an easy job. If you and my father had given me more siblings, I would surely have had a relief of these strenuous house chores",
I replied jokingly as I made to stand up from my spot.
"And what was that in your hand that you shoved under that chair when you saw me, Peter? My inquisitive mother persisted.
"Nothing, mother. It is a letter from my friend" I told her in a "what is your business" manner.
"Hmmm, you children of this generation, you are so crazed with love! You do not know anything about love but you are always professing love to innocent young girls. During our youthful days, we had so many young men of your kind who were parading as heartbreakers, preying upon the gullible hearts of ill-bred girls. Thank God for people like us, we had wise parents who saved us from those heartbreakers through their wise counsel", my mother teased.
"Mother, mother" , my younger brother yelled as he ran into the house violently like a volcano, disrupting the funny discussion I was having with my mother. In his right hand was a phone he stretched out as he was running into the house.
"What is it? You this boy, must you scare me this morning? By the way, who's calling?" My mom asked my brother who was now panting like a deer.
"Mother, this is no joke. It's your son-in-law that is calling. I have spoken with him already, but our conversation was not clear enough because there was a glitch in network. I only heard "please mama, come to the hospital immediately.... Anna Maria hospital, Lekki. Your daughter...." It was all I could hear.", My brother managed to talk while breathing from his nose and mouth.
"Jeeeesuuuuuus, no, no, not in this Christmas, I reject every evil report concerning my family in Jesus mighty name,amen.", my mother screamed as she suddenly became apprehensive.
"Let me have the phone", she requested, while beckoning on my younger brother with her hand, but unfortunately, the call had ended before the phone was handed over to her. She tried calling back, but her son-in-law's number did not go through because network was really bad.
The happy and funny atmosphere that enveloped our home that morning had suddenly changed when we received this report about our eldest sister who is based in Lekki,a town that is a bit far from Ajah, another town in Lagos where our family house is located.
Two nights ago my brother-in-law had complained to my mother that my sister had been restless for many nights, she would be groaning and screaming, "oh my God, why did you put me through this?"
My mother who does not like going out without putting on his head gear did not bother about wearing it this time. Her hair was unkempt because she just loosened her old braids. She did not even think of getting any of her favourite shoes from her shoe rack. She wore slippers that never matched with each other, both in colour and in size. All of these never mattered to her now, they are trivial things in life that one should not give attention. A life was at stake.
The traffic jam at various points on the Lagos expressway was not as heavy as a normal Lagos snarl-up, so it only took us an hour and fourty minutes before we reached Anna Maria hospital in Lekki. My mother starting sobbing right from where we boarded the commercial bus was confused about the direction that we should follow as we stepped into the hospital, but she got saved by the,
"Hey, mama, follow this direction"
scream that she heard from her son-in-law who was already looking out from the window.
My mother's tears were quickly replaced with smiles when she saw her daughter lay on the hospital bed and her son-in-law carrying a newborn baby strapped in a swaddle blanket.
Our Christmas gift from God had come.
A nicely structured piece with a solid and unexpected reveal at the end. When we trace back through the story, the pieces fit and support the narrative and outcome. You describe well the worry and frenzy of a mother whose only thought is of her children's safety in a time of crisis. For her, nothing else matters.
Your writing would flow better if you spent some time editing your grammar and punctuation. There is also a single instance of incorrect gender pronoun being used. One other small point is that your introduction of the hidden letter serves as something of a red herring for the reader. It would have been nice if you had tied off this story line. Perhaps it was a correspondence with a friend or a girl that you liked and wanted to see, and you used the birth of your niece as an opportunity to invite her around. Or used the birth as a something to write about in replying to your friend etc - of course, whatever the true story happens to be. It would just be good to have this part wrapped up too because, in a good story, everything included should have a purpose.
Thank you for sharing a story from your life with The Ink Well.
Thank you so much, @theinkwell . I have taken note of the correction. Thank you once again for all your acts of encouragement.
Congratulations @fonpet! You have completed the following achievement on the Hive blockchain And have been rewarded with New badge(s)
Your next target is to reach 3250 upvotes.
You can view your badges on your board and compare yourself to others in the Ranking
If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word
STOPCheck out our last posts:
There was a build up of so much tension and I'm glad it resulted in a great news and not tears.Babies are blessings and always a call for celebration.
Thank you so much for visiting my blog, @wongi.
I was getting teary as I read through the lines in this great story. But gracefully, I was calmer when I found that at the end, it was great news. Well done.
Thank you so much for taking time to read till the end.