Hearts Torment

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Life happens to you so fast sometimes that you begin to wonder what went wrong. Honestly, I never thought that one day I'd be punching words that are filled with memories of her without her being by my side. Sometimes, it's funny how you wake up and realise that the years of making promises for the future, planning trips, and laughing over the silliest things have slipped through your fingers. And now you're only left with the remnants of it all.

For days, It felt like her perfume still lingers in my room. I blamed it strongly on my mind, refusing to let go of how she smelled or the taste of her lips against mine. I forced myself to forget the thoughts of her that had left me imprisoned in my mind with no visible escape. But the more I tried, the more everything around me was inscribed with tiny details of her. Trying to start afresh on a clean slate felt impossible.

Well, I wouldn't blame myself much. For the few years I dated Bambi, she was more than just my girlfriend, she was my family. She had access to everyone in my home and I did with her too. And no she didn't break my heart. Our genotypes did.

I remember that morning I struggled to believe it when the doctor told us that we weren't compatible. I watched her shed tears and I didn't even know what to say. The pain in her eyes, knowing that we wouldn't be spending forever together hurt more than our latest discovery.

On several occasions I tried to move on, whispering
“You can do this,” to myself, but the words felt hollow. I cut off contact with the world. I deleted her numbers and pictures, all in a quest to forget what we had and find a clean sweep. But the pain was like my shadow following me everywhere.

I woke up one morning, to the sound of my phone. Micheal, my good friend, was calling. I picked up reluctantly. "Hey bro, dress up; I've got a surprise for you", I chuckled, not because I found it funny but because I knew he had used every trick possible to get me to move on. But on second thought, I decided to give whatever plans he had a try.

A few hours later we headed for the gym. Turned out he got me registered for one of his workout sessions.

“Lift some weights, maybe it'll lift your spirits.” Michael grinned; I'm sure he felt like a rapper with this line.

I smiled. "Who forgets a relationship by lifting weights?" I joked as I tried lifting one. After several lifts, I sat down on a bench nearby. I was exhausted.

Micheal set down his dumbbells and walked over to me. "It's been weeks bro. Don't you think it's time to move on?" He asked.

I looked at him with questions in my eyes. Knowing fully well that I was trying to let go.

"Look, you’ve got family. You’ve got friends that love you. And trust me, you’ve got so much more ahead of you. It wasn't your fault or hers that things went the way they did.”

I nodded and smiled, not at what he was saying. But in the realization that he was right about having people who care. And he was one of them. Micheal had been there for me through everything. From when I failed my exams, to when I nearly lost it all. And now he wasn't giving up either

We spent the next hour at the gym, not focusing on the workout, but more on talking through the pain. And by the time we realised how long we'd spent talking. It was at that moment I realised I hadn't eaten anything since morning.

"I know the perfect place. Let's go, bills on me." Micheal offered as he grabbed his bag and I followed him.

We got to this local buka just a few poles from the gym house. It wasn't what I was expecting but there were a handful of other people from the gym there munching on Jellof rice and peppered meat. There was soft music in the background. Although I couldn't see the speaker it was coming from

We sat down and made our orders, and just as Micheal said, it was the best jellof rice I have tasted in a while. I was reeling in the deliciousness of the meal when a song came on. It was a song Bambi loved, bringing back memories I was trying to kill.

Immediately, the food felt sour in my mouth, and I wondered if the torment would ever end. I pushed the food aside and stared blankly at the plate.

"Will the torment ever end" I murmured.

Micheal looked at me and replied "It might take time but it'll surely end"

I nodded, forcing myself to believe him, wondering if Bambi felt the same way I was feeling or whether she had moved on.

Until I find a way to sweep clean this torment in my heart. I'll keep believing that sometimes the path to peace takes time.