Growing up with a military dad who was never around was not really fun, especially when you go to school and then you hear other kids talk about how their dad took them out for the weekend and made their weekend fun as well as helped their energy recuperate and prepared them for the new week. Hearing all of these can be disheartening because you haven't seen or heard from your own dad in months and don't even know when he will be home.
We get to enjoy the outings whenever he was around; he makes sure that we can actually spot the difference between when he is around and when he is not. I bet he believed in the African saying of "punish the child with the right hand and pull him close with the left hand." Whenever we did wrong, he never hesitated to punish us, but with every opportunity he got, he wanted to show us how much he cared and loved us, but as kids, we were always on his wrong side, which made us see his strict side more often, and that instilled fear in us, and it took away the father-to-child relationship we were supposed to enjoy with him.
Despite wishing for him to be home just so you get to experience all that the other kids in school enjoy, in most cases the reverse is the case. He was loving, caring, and very strict at the same time, and I wonder how he managed to be a combination of both because I always believed you cannot be both. It is either you are strict or you are loving, but since he turned out to be a combination of both, we loved him even more, especially on the days when he was loving, though he was mostly strict, and that loving part of him pops up once in a while, so whenever it does, we go all out to enjoy it.
As a result of how strict he was and since he was never around, our relationship with him was affected, and we were not that close. Most times, if we have needs, we have to go through our mother, who was always there and not as strict as him, but sometimes he gets angry.
"Why can't you approach me and tell me your problem? If you do so, will I bite you?" My dad would always ask whenever we went through our mom to ask that our needs be attended to.
"No sir, we will do better next time." My siblings and I will always respond but do the same thing next time.
We managed to start having a conversation with him, but our conversation stuck to only asking for our needs and hardly went beyond that. It was clear he was hurting and wanted more, but how strict he was on us and since he was never around, we were never free around him to the point that whenever he was home, we were never ourselves.
Dad was a football lover and loyal Chelsea fan, while my brothers were football lovers too but supported Manchester United, which is a rival club to his, but we have never talked or argued about football, but we all knew the club we all supported; sometimes we watch football matches at home, or we go to the viewing center when there is no power supply. One Sunday evening we all left the house to watch a Manchester United vs. Chelsea match since there was no power supply, and we did not plan ahead of time. Chelsea won the match, and while I hung out with friends in front of the viewing center, my dad went straight home.
"Did you see how Didier Drogba scored the goal, teaching Manchester United players how to play football?" My dad asked me when I returned home.
"I see you just want to brag with one lucky goal your Drogba managed to score against my team." I responded.
"It is either you are being sentimental or you were watching the back of the TV; clearly, Chelsea outplayed Manchester United all round. Maybe you need to go back and watch the highlights." My dad said, as he laughed at me.
And like magic, we continued arguing like we were friends or even age mates , something that has not happened before. If someone who does not know how strict he was or how our relationship with him was saw us that day, they would say we have a very good father-to-child relationship that they envy and want for any child.
Actually sometimes I usually admire people who grew up in the military zone in the family
Growing up in a military zone has its advantages and disadvantages.
Thanks for stopping by.
I have seen many times cases similar to yours and it is sad that this magic does not emerge. The relationship between parents and children should be magical and unique. Greetings
It should be magical and unique but in most cases it's not so.