For someone who could not stand working long hours, I fell in love with it, and it was because my house was not a place I could call home. From my adolescence, I evolved from a boy who disliked social gatherings to someone who could not stop talking. I believe I realized that isolation was more dangerous than contact, owing to the variety of people I encountered at the various jobs I held.
Talking was a coping mechanism I learned to use because I worked in a job that required me to communicate with people in order for them to understand ideas and knowledge and persuade them to purchase what I was selling. It takes a lot of energy to get people to understand things they did not know before, and you will not be able to do it if you do not have confidence.
This job improved my communication skills. I was surrounded by people who treated me like family; we made each other whole, and our flaws were hidden, and this is how I gained all of my confidence. However, that was just a phase in my life.
Nowadays, I do not feel the need to be outspoken anymore
I am no longer a salesperson or a teacher. These days, I do not see the point in talking to convince anyone because there is no vanity or satisfaction involved. I do not care if someone wins an argument or if their voice drowns out mine in a conversation. People like to believe they are right and in control, so I sometimes just let them be, even if I am correct.
For someone who enjoys big speeches, I can barely raise my voice anymore, and sometimes life causes this translational personality.
On all of my social media accounts, I have people who are now strangers; it is not their fault, but I believe it is mostly mine. I have messages that I have not responded to in over 6 months; they are prospective conversations that require me to lie about my current state of well-being, how financially secure I am, and so on.
Unfortunately, I am used to lying, but I did not think I could do it any longer, so the best option is to largely ignore the conversation.
At the same time, others expect you to text them about how great you are doing; unfortunately, I am no longer a smooth liar; in fact, I am no longer any type of liar; that was who I was; everything has changed. However, I do not like bothering people. Some people text just to catch up on old times.
Unfortunately, my "old times" were and have been terrible and painful, and since I do not want to relive them, I have become a terrible person to talk to.
This means it is harder to run into me and ask, "Business A or B, which should I do?" I am mostly unable to respond because my baggage clouds my reasoning. Of course, there are some people with whom I still make time to talk. People enjoy discussing their lives and accomplishments, but if your story differs from theirs, the conversation comes to an abrupt halt.
So most of the time, I just cut off conversations that I can not relate to, and unfortunately, this is what and who I am now.
Of course, life does not accommodate anyone's excesses, and that is one of the harshest realities: you either go on or not.
There are no middle ground.
Sometimes I feel like I need a break to learn how to talk properly, respond to others, and smile like a crocodile again, maybe for six months or more. But is not this supposed to be more self-isolation? That is correct. It is more of a "egg and chicken" scenario. Isolation can both heal and destroy.
So, should you just move on as if everything is fine? But is this a denial? It certainly is. It is denial, which is extremely dangerous.
However, I still talk to people every day. The day-to-day trade conversation is free of emotional attachment.
The conversations that are needed to go by. You have to smile at the vendor, the person at the market, and so on. These conversations are soulless. There is pain that makes it easier to talk with regular strangers because they do not know you and vice versa, and sometimes these conversations are so open-ended that you forget they are over.
There is no middle ground between isolation and denial.
It is either the former or the latter; sometimes it is both. However, you cannot fry an egg without breaking its shell. Maybe someday I will be able to return to these conversations and respond, "Maybe or maybe not."
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I understand the struggles to connect with people like before. I also understand how your state of mind is interfering with your old time engagement with friends, and as much as I will prefer, if you can lossen yourself a bit, it can't be forced, it should be a gradual process for u
cutting off conversations that you can not relate to is totally fine but maintaining a good relationship with close pals looks nice... isolation can heal and can still destroy just like you mentioned in this post.
Yeah, isolation can heal as well as destroy, but it's probably inevitable at this point and it's alright, it's what it is and that's the reality.
Truth is that I can't relate to a lot of things anymore, and it won't be wrong to be pretending that I get it, so most times I just reply with silence because that's the only thing that feels right. It's like being in the midst of people who are laughing and cheering, I truly cannot relate and I'll be doing myself a disservice to even pretend about from the fact that my Faith doesn't permit any form of pretence
Thanks for all the support thus far, and always reaching out, I truly appreciate
Uwc Joe🤗
Sounds like you've gone through various phases and changes in life. It may feel strange or foreign but at the same time, I did want to say that it is important you go through this! Not everybody is able to realize this and remain static throughout their entire lives. In a lot of ways that is a boring existence. Mundane, maybe. I think it's important for us to go through varying stages of these types of things and it can be painful for sure, but that is actually life. It's about the ups and the downs, the great with the bad. We just have to learn to find happiness in there where possible.
Well, it's an underestimate when I say "gone through" However, for someone who is always bubbly and full of jive, the encounters of the last one year of my life has been horrendous and sometimes I just like to break apart/down and talk about it, then the next day I switch to talking about crypto and every other regular stuff, but deep down, it's all coping mechanism.
Anyway, thanks for the kind words, I do appreciate.
I understand completely... In work I always had to be social and outgoing, but I no longer have to be that and I choose not to. I could go out and be more social but I have no desire to do so. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, it's just the choice I prefer now in my life. The time may come that open back up, but you've had a rough time as of late. I get it completely!
The compulsion to act like everything is okay is something my extended family member always hammers on. They probably think it's that easy, but I think with the kind of losses and ills I've gone through, some of them might have gone crazy, but who knows, maybe they will have the strength to cope..
Unfortunately it's always hard for me to just pretend it's all good, when sometimes you know it isn't.
How has it been for you?
This is my life currently, am just on my own, don't wanna talk to anyone, a lot of dms to reply but I keep ignoring them, because I can't keep lying to them anymore.
Exactly, the lying isn't even an option for me. However, a lot of people won't understand, some people might even feel you're being too difficult.
Deep down i know am not fine, so what's the essence of always lying about my wellbeing, some people think am a psychopath, but i don't care anymore.
Life has shown me crazy things.
So, silence is always my response for every question 🤐
Never mind them. Until another person feels what you exactly feel, they'll always underestimate your pain. It's life, there's no empathy, they just feel you're immature
Hopefully you can return to these type of conversations but from a different viewpoint, one that's more broad yet also specific. Talking to strangers and having open-ended conversations was a favourite past time of mine. Sometimes, it's easier to talk when there's no need to lay out a context for the other person to understand what you're saying. I think from a broad sense, people are becoming less social, the world has changed quite a bit from a couple of years ago.
Well it's how it's become for me. I prefer conversations that are soulless, with strangers that makes no impact whatsoever. I hope I can, but at the moment it's not working and it's been close to a year a lot has happened.
Things change and mindset is a huge part of it. I think you can get back to having conversations again once things get better in your life. I find that I am more talkative when things are going well as opposed to when I am stressed or tired.
Well, it might take a lot of time and with everything that's been happening, it's not really happening for me
I relate to this a lot... There are quite a few relationships I've put "on hold" and are now at best frozen in time because I didn't want to go through the catching up phase.
It's not a phase I want to go through as well, but some people just want it, they want to share their merry experiences and all and how life is going well, but it isn't just what I want..
👏 Keep Up the good work on Hive ♦️ 👏
❤️ @nkemakonam89 suggested sagarkothari88 to upvote your post ❤️
@nkemakonam89 thank you
I feel the things you have gone through in your life or your experiences has shaped your life this way.
There’s no point taking too much when the deed is already done
Well, there are surely better days ahead for you
Greetings @josediccus ,
A very thought-provoking post here.
Words that came to mind whilst thinking through your post....actually more like phrases...
.. use the language of accommodation...light versus darkness (light cannot have fellowship with darkness....we cannot share our thoughts with those who do not share our values....social skills, learn to say nothing whilst talking...levels of conversing, dialogue versus conversation...you are still a duck on the pond, neither splashing (making an issue of oneself) nor dead (saying nothing) observe the duck, you never see his feet paddling underneath the water....and finally we do outgrow people, let them down gently....Give Grace.
Thank you for the opportunity to think on these things....enjoyed your post.
Kindest Regards, Bleujay