"La Verdadera Naturaleza Siempre Saldrá a Flote" / "True Nature Will Always Come Afloat"

#spanish
Fui demasiado inocente al creer en sus palabras de "lealtad", tal vez la belleza de su rostro, unido maliciosamente a sus ocurrencias y actitudes divertidas que me encantan, me engañaron, o yo me quise dejar engañar, pero en realidad me comprendo, me comprendo perfectamente, a mi me gusta la diversión, me gusta vacilar, me gusta que me pongan a vacilar, también me gusta la belleza de los hombres, la belleza de sus rostros, de sus cuerpos, de su tono de voz tan divino; y pues, tal vez, bajo ese engaño visual y auditivo, se me olvidó estar atenta a su espontaneidad, a las acciones del verdadero ser que tengo al frente, que no son fingidas, que le brotan de los poros como su rico sudor; este hermoso y maldito ser, ama, adora, no solo los cambios, sino también la adrenalina, lo obscuro, lo divertido, eso que vive dentro de el, que no puede controlar por mas que quiera, que esta en su naturaleza, en sus venas y que yo, de amarlo, debo hacerlo y aceptarlo libre y con esas características naturales que me bajan de una, al mismísimo infierno.

I was too innocent to believe in his words of "loyalty", perhaps the beauty of his face, maliciously linked to his jokes and funny attitudes that I love, they deceived me, or I wanted to be deceived, but in reality I understand myself, I I understand perfectly, I like fun, I like to hesitate, I like to be made to hesitate, I also like the beauty of men, the beauty of their faces, their bodies, their divine tone of voice; and then, perhaps, under that visual and auditory deception, I forgot to be attentive to its spontaneity, to the actions of the true being in front of me, which are not feigned, which flow from his pores like his rich sweat; This beautiful and damned being, loves, adores, not only the changes, but also the adrenaline, the dark, the fun, that which lives within him, that he cannot control as much as he wants, that is in his nature, in his veins and that if I love him, I must do so and accept him freely and with those natural characteristics that bring me down from one, to hell itself.

Pero..por que me digo a mi misma que me "engañaron"? eso es tan estúpido, es tan ridículo hacerse la victima ante lo descubierto, creyendo que el culpable es el otro y que yo soy la inocente, la que nunca lo vio pasar? no será mas bien que la verdadera forma de ser de esa persona siempre me dejó muy en claro que haría acciones que no me iban a agradar, esas acciones obscuras que a muchos nos gusta hacer, pero que no aceptamos que vengan del otro? en el fondo de mis pensamientos, yo sé que a el le gusta esa alta velocidad, le gustan las cosas prohibidas, excitantes, esas cosas que me decía a veces que jamás haría, mientras me veía con sus ojos brillantes y deseosos de hacerlas; esa mirada petrificó mis pensamientos, mis acciones.

But... why do I tell myself that I was "cheated"? That is so stupid, it is so ridiculous to play the victim in the face of what has been discovered, believing that the other person is to blame and that I am the innocent one, the one who never saw it happen? Is it not rather that the true way of being of that person always made it very clear to me that he would do actions that I would not like, those dark actions that many of us like to do, but that we do not accept that they come from the other? Deep in my thoughts, I know that he likes that high speed, he likes forbidden, exciting things, those things that he told me sometimes that he would never do, while he saw me with his bright eyes and eager to do them; that look petrified my thoughts, my actions.

A mi me gusta hacer esas cosas que seria incapaz de decirle a el, no las he hecho porque me da miedo eso que llamamos "karma", pero en el fondo me parece que a veces nos frenamos en vivir emociones que nos excitan porque creemos que vamos a pagar caro el hacer eso, y simplemente debemos observar comportamientos, actitudes espontáneas y seguir nuestros instintos, ese debería ser nuestro juicio, el observar y entender actitudes naturales, porque, no todo es malo, no sabemos que motiva a la gente a hacer cosas prohibidas, a veces necesitamos ver para hacer, hacer cosas porque queremos sentir, no por venganza, sino hacerlas sin pensar si se enteraran o no, si sufren o no, si las merecen o no, solo hacerlas porque nos dan vida extra a nuestros pensamientos, nos dan maldad, y esa maldad a veces es necesaria para vivir, y todos tenemos maldad, bien guardada, y hay que dejarla fluir con sentimientos, con fuerza, y después que pase lo que sea, lo que tenga que pasar.

I like to do those things that I would be incapable of saying to him, I haven't done them because I'm afraid of what we call "karma", but deep down it seems to me that sometimes we stop living emotions that excite us because we believe that we are going to pay dearly for doing that, and we simply have to observe behaviors, spontaneous attitudes and follow our instincts, that should be our judgment, observing and understanding natural attitudes, because not everything is bad, we do not know what motivates people to do forbidden things, sometimes we need to see to do, do things because we want to feel, not for revenge, but to do them without thinking if they find out or not, if they suffer or not, if they deserve them or not, just do them because they give us extra life to our thoughts, they give us evil, and that evil is sometimes necessary to live, and we all have evil, well kept, and we must let it flow with feelings, with force, and after whatever happens, whatever has to happen.

Mis pensamientos me carcomen porque mi consciente sabe que esa persona va a actuar por instinto sin pensar en mi, va a satisfacer sus necesidades sin pensar en mas nadie que no sea el; entonces porque yo debo esperar para accionar a algo que yo también siento y quiero hacer? A veces pienso que lo envidio, que soy envidiosa de su actitud espontánea y decidida y simplemente quiero hacer lo mismo que el, pero no es así, es mi verdadera gana que esta represada por el "que dirán", por el "que me va a pasar", por el "que dirá si se entera".. No debo pensar en eso, debo pensar en mi egoísta, en mi Yo dolido por la rabia de no poder cambiar la naturaleza de la gente y por ello debo actuar con malicia, porque es mejor saberse engañado cuando ya has cometido el pecado tu también, a que te agarren desprevenido por creer en la "Lealtad" inexistente en un corazón libre de prejuicios karmaticos estúpidos.

My thoughts eat me up because my conscience knows that that person will act instinctively without thinking about me, will satisfy their needs without thinking about anyone other than him; So why should I wait to act on something that I also feel and want to do? Sometimes I think that I envy him, that I am envious of his spontaneous and determined attitude and I simply want to do the same as him, but it is not like that, it is my true desire that he is dammed by the "what will they say", by the "what is going on with me to pass", for the one "what will he say if he finds out". , because it is better to know that you are deceived when you have already committed the sin yourself, than to be caught off guard for believing in the non-existent "Loyalty" in a heart free of stupid karmatic prejudices.

Por eso he decidido ceder a mis instintos carnales y obviar los sentimientos de amor y lealtad, tan innecesarios y sobre valorados en estos tiempos, para abrir paso a mi soltería mental , nuevamente, ya es tiempo de dejar atrás el compromiso de "querer cambiar a alguien" y tener la convicción de que "la naturaleza siempre saldrá a flote!"

That is why I have decided to give in to my carnal instincts and ignore the feelings of love and loyalty, so unnecessary and overvalued in these times, to make way for my mental singleness, again, it is time to leave behind the commitment of "wanting to change to someone" and have the conviction that "nature will always come out"