After being stuck on post-book apprehension for a while, I finally had the courage to read something new, something somehow different, something educational and very instructing, something from my favorite author.
I know Colleen Hoover to be a writer of pure fiction with an aim to only entertain and not instruct but after reading; It Ends With Us, I was dumbstruck. How can one piece hold so many truths? This work is a duology and its second part is titled It Starts With Us. I had started reading it to add it to this review but couldn't hold this one in anymore. Plus, I have exams coming up on the 29th so I have to slow down on novels.
It Ends With Us is one realistic book that resonates with me in so many ways. It entails the abuse many women go through in marriages and most times are unable to walk away due to the strong force of love or probably the force of being utterly dependent on the man.
Many people, when told about an abusive relationship, are only good at throwing in "what the heck? And you're still with him?" Kind of question not knowing how difficult it is to take that step of actually walking away. The beautiful memories always flash back especially when the abuser seems to be remorseful about their action. They end up not walking out with their luggage with hopes that magically, someday, he'd change. Change is another illusion especially in an abusive relationship.
Spoiler Alert
Lily grew up seeing her father hit her mother several times but her mother was unable to walk away from the marriage because she was solely dependent on her husband for everything. After the abuse, he'd apologize and swear to never do it again. To make them both happy, he'd take them out to get ice cream. Lily only had ice cream after her parents must have had a fight and as a little girl, even though she hated seeing her dad pounce on her mom, she anticipated the fight just so she could have ice cream.
As she grew older, her father stopped taking them to buy ice cream after a fight. He grew into a beast and wouldn't give a shit after hitting his wife. The only time he walked away from hitting her was when Lily walked in on them.
Lily was 23 when her father died following an illness. At his burial, she was asked to present a eulogy but she stood in front of the crowd without uttering a single word and that's because he didn't deserve to be praised when all he's been to her mom was a terrible husband and of course s terrible father.
The familiar pattern Lily witnessed as a child eventually came smiling in her face when she fell in love with Ryle, her best friend's brother. Their marriage happened rather too fast as a week in the marriage, he abused her badly and almost raped her. That was the event that made her leave his house. She was taken to the hospital to get treated because she was bleeding only to find out that she was pregnant with his child.
Ryle apologized for his actions claiming it wasn't intentional but Lily was bold enough to tell him enough is enough. She was bold enough to not romanticize her abusive relationship. She wanted to shield her child from having to experience the trauma she went through as a child watching her parents fight almost every day. It was a difficult situation but she had to say no to for better or worse. Love had blinded her to rush into marriage even after he had abused her twice before they tied the knot but, it didn't blind her to file for a divorce when she noticed a child was going to be involved.
Abuse once it happens always repeats itself. I have experienced abuse first hand and I know what Lily felt after Ryle abused her. I also thought he was going to change and kept forgiving him each time he apologized until it repeated itself more than four times. I had to wake up from my slumber and I told him "inasmuch as I love you, I have to leave for my sanity. If you love me too, you have to let me go and never reach out." Peradventure, a love child showed up like in the case of Lily and because of not wanting the child to grow up in a broken home, I forgave the father and stayed with him. I would never forgive myself if my child walked in on him hitting me or verbally abusing me. It ended with us.
People who haven't experienced abuse are the ones to quickly advise on walking away from it. It's not as easy as it sounds. It requires a lot more than just waking up, packing bags and blocking the person on every social media. One thing I got from the book that'll live rent free in my head forever is that; Marriage vows shouldn't make anyone turn a blind eye to abuse. For better or worse doesn't mean staying in an abusive relationship. Infact, I don't think I'd ever make that vow on my wedding day.
I know an abusive partner can change but it's a rare case. I'd prefer to not put up with it than wait for the year the person would learn to suck up his anger. Just to be clear, abusive partners love too. They love the hardest but also hit the hardest.
PS: if you enjoy poignant contemporary fiction with strong character, you might want to check this one out.
Thumbnail is a screenshot from my e-library. The other image was created by me using pixel lab.
I know it's irrelvant to the story, but I really love the cover of this book!
One of the books that changed the way I thought about woman who stayed with abusive partners is 'The Body Keeps the Score'. For woman used to abuse, this is 'home' - and it's easier to stay than to leave. This certainly seems like the kind of book that would help us understand abuse.
Right? It's beautiful.
Thank you so much for this. I'd look for it. I am on one titled "The Cinderella Complex" a book for women that entails their hidden fear of independence. I haven't gone far with it but the first page seems worth it. Thanks for adding to my collection. I really appreciate this gesture. 💛
No worries. It's an incredible book which explains the science of it but also gives hope in the form of what can be done to overcome the trauma
Thank you lots