I never realized how much of a people-pleaser I was until I found myself completely drained and struggling to focus on my own needs.
Saying no to someone has been the most difficult thing for me over the years, even when it came to decisions that deeply impacted my life.
The #kiss prompt reminded me of something that happened to me recently and that is what changed my whole perspective of life and trying to please others.
One of the most difficult and challenging moments was when I was pressured into accepting a marriage proposal I wasn’t ready for.
The guy in question went his way to convince my family and relatives that he was the perfect choice and he succeeded in winning my mom's heart too, so she was determined to see me married to him.
Deep down I knew I wasn't ready for this but each time I tried even the slightest objection, I was met with sadness from my mom, from the guy and even myself. I hated the idea of hurting anyone so I thought saying no to him will hurt everyone so I found myself nodding along.
But I really felt like a passenger in my own life, someone else was leading, and I was following along. Accepting this proposal even meant abandoning my own dream of becoming a fashion designer and getting into the business of foodstuffs according to the guy. This wasn't what I wanted, but it was still difficult for me to say no due to the circumstances surrounding it
I knew I wasn't happy carrying the weight of expectations that didn't align with my heart.
A good turning point came when I decided to confide with a special friend I've met online, and he asked me one simple but profound question:
"Imagine you never say no and end up throwing your life away. Others will be happy, but you’ll never be happy. So which one’s better—Do you really want to be unhappy for the rest of your life?"
So at that point I knew I had to be more firm in my decisions. Saying no wasn't easy but it is what I needed to say for my well-being and I'm happy I did!
I realized that living my life for others at the expense of my own happiness was not what I wanted. Life of minimalism is about freeing oneself from emotional burdens and saying no to what is against your well-being.
I used to think saying yes to someone all the time even when I'm drained was a sign of kindness but I've learned that self love is also important, and it's important to not sacrifice my well-being for someone who may not even appreciate it later in tve future.
Ys, kindness is good but there should be boundaries.
So I've determined to:
Give myself time to see if I really have the capacity to help
I try to remind myself that my own goals are as important as anyone else's
Practice saying no politely, for example I can say: 'I'd love to help but I'm currently tied up with something else.' or something similar to that.
I'm so glad that I was able to make a firm decision for myself, a decision that is not driven by other people's opinion. I'm still learning to say no to most things that could affect me so I'll keep practicing it while also showing genuine kindness to people that needs it.
This image belongs to millycf1976 and was manipulated using Canva.