Time Creeps By

My parents have been married for two decades and some now. Whenever I look at them, I see peace and contentment. I see that assurance they get from each other’s presence. They have these inside jokes and it's like there's an invisible string tying them together. Whenever I look at them, I think, “Ohh, the joy of growing old with the person you love.” I tell myself that I can't wait to find the great love of my life with whom I'm going to grow old with. But when I look in the mirror, I realize that I'm growing old. I was 13, then 18 . I look in the mirror and I'm soon to be 21. I can barely even recognize myself from the little child I used to be.

It's strange how life feels slow, yet moves so fast. It's fleeting, like a mere flicker of what is, should and could be. This moment, we have so many plans mapped out for the future and a certain age, and the next moment, we are actually living in that future, already that certain age. And sometimes we wonder how time slowly crept past us and caught us unawares.

I remember when I was 13, a budding teenager. Then, my awareness about the world was slowly blossoming. With 13 came a lot of dreams_a lot of plans for the future. I planned to finish high school at 16 and graduate uni at 20. It was seemingly far off for me when I made those plans at that age. The years seemed like decades. Even though my awareness of the world was still blossoming, I failed to realize that the world wasn't all smooth sailing. There would be storms and hurricanes. I was going to have to fight tooth and claw to realize these plans. But the point is I'm here already in the future, maybe not according to the planned age. But, I'm here living that future and suddenly, the past feels far off.

Sometimes, I look at things now and fear that I might not get some things right_most times unknowingly. I hear people say that you can always start over again, no matter the age. But the unspoken fact is that there are some things you can't undo or redo. I decide to tread carefully through my years. Of course, there are moments where I will try to live like I don't have a care in the world. But now, I decide to live conscious of every day. Maybe, I will not still be aware of time moving past. Or maybe I will. What I do know is that time waits for no one. It will not pause for me to get my shit together. It will not rewind for me to redo things or undo my mistakes. Time will not wait. Time will move, and I will keep growing old with it. But moving forward, it's about living consciously. Living slowly. Enjoying time. Loving the present. Appreciating life.

Thanks for reading.✨