As I have gotten older and wiser some might say. I have fully integrated the fact, that how I react to life and all it's experiences, is my choice. Often that choice is affected by my mood, but it is still my choice at the end of the day. I can choose whether or not to let someone else's behaviour affect me. However that choice is not always an easy one to make, especially if you are feeling triggered or vulnerable. It certainly took me a while to get to where I am now.
I still, can get too involved with other people. It happens when you make yourself available. Being available to others, is a wonderful thing to do, but you need to have boundaries in place, so that you don't get too burnt out. So that you don't take their anxieties or problems on.
I'm happy to talk to other people, to listen to them and I have often found people telling me their whole life stories. It's happened at bus stops, in shops, in queues, sometimes all it takes is for me to say hello. I guess I'm a good listener. It's something I have been told, down through the years.
I also consider myself a good friend, I do like to support my friends, to be there for them and help them through any difficulties that they may be experiencing. But I have learnt to pull back sometimes. To not stay quiet, when it gets too much for me to handle. Especially f someone is really struggling to take responsibility for their own experiences.
It's so important to listen to yourself, to recognise the signs, when you are just starting to feel overwhelmed. So that you can pause and perhaps work towards taking a step back. To be vocal with the other person, if it is their behaviour that is overwhelming you. To take a deep breath and just be honest with how you feel. With that fact that you may need to take some time for yourself.
If we don't help ourselves, then how can we help others. I really appreciate if someone is honest with me. I can listen to someone, I have down through the years, especially working in mental health, heard some horrific stories. Tired my best to help those who are having frequent panic attacks, due to P.T.S.D, to take a few breath's, to find that pause within and tell me exactly how they are feeling, all whilst helping them reach a slower pace. With or without the aid of touch.
The honesty in their expression, is what is important. For any relationship to work, honesty is key. Of course when I worked in Mental Heath, I couldn't just walk away or call for time out. But it's different when there are no emotions involved, I still cared for them, but in a different way. Being a professional and all.
But providing them with a space where they could be honest, was so important to me. Just like, me being honest with my friends and family, when I feel overwhelmed. Where I take the breath and sink into my core and set my boundaries. Because I don't have to take other peoples anxieties on, I can be present and listen from a place of love. Whilst also protecting myself.
It's certainly been a journey, a huge part of my self care journey. Staying connected with my own well being, connected with my intuition and being honest with myself and those around me. Listening to those around me and for the most part, allowing them to express themselves, as they see fit and not taking on any of their anxieties.
