A New Definition to Self-Transformation

I am everything I’ve been looking for all along.

Hello beautiful people, as always, it is an honor to participate in this week’s Transformation Thursday .

Funny how the word “transformation” caused me to not only think deep and look within, but also gave me a much needed clarity. A special thank you to the moderators of this community for this thought-provoking yet deeply meaningful prompt.

Yesterday, I opened the Microsoft word on my laptop thinking of what to write, and even after well over one hour, I couldn’t quite put anything together. I wanted to write about transforming my room but yet again, I felt this strong push to look within and write about my life. Comparing the girl I was, to this lady I am now and the woman I hope to be, begged the question, “have I put in place any factor that’ll cause a sequence of smooth transitioning in each phase?"

One beautiful thing I love about growing older is how you get to know yourself more and more. And if willing, you get to work on yourself, shed bad habits and adopt new ones, without having to compromise on your core essence, on what makes you YOU. However, if you’d ask me yesterday, I’d tell you that transforming yourself means changing completely, looking different, acting different, generally making sure you shed old skin and become a brand new person.

However, as I sat yesterday to write, the words didn’t come pouring in. You see, when I became aware of some of my bad habits, I wrote them down and intended to change. And I did become intentional about excepting those bad habits from my personality. However, the older I get, the more I realized that there’s more to notice and change, was I aimlessly chasing after perfection? All I know is that, I thought I hated the girl I was. I thought she could never become that woman I hope to be. That girl is just too sensitive, too emotional, too irrational, too soft…. However, as I sat yesterday to write and just couldn’t, I closed my laptop, took my headset and went out for a stroll.

I wasn’t even trying to think deep, I opened my phone, skimmed through to find a song to listen to, only to find a playlist that had all the songs I used to stream when I was 16 years old. Oh it brought back memories and I thought at that moment, “how I miss my 16 years old self”. And that was when it occurred to me, the girl I was, the lady I am now and the woman I wanna be, are all the same people. What differentiates them are life stages and focuses. The girl I was, was focused on passing her exams, being a good example for a sibling, having friends—the lady I am now is focused on figuring her life out—and the woman I wanna be will be focused on fulfilling destiny while being happy.

I realized that I don’t have to erase the girl I was to become the woman I want to be because that woman is still her, with improved habits and life choices.

Honestly, for so long, I’d been trying to erase who I was just to transform, but yesterday’s stroll somehow made me realize that, erasing the girl I was would mean losing my essence. The happy, although overly emotional but optimistic girl—I don’t want to lose her, oh no, I’m not alright with losing her.

I want to watch her grow. This is a new definition of transformation to me and it is greatly freeing. Now I can move forward with the knowledge that I don’t have to erase my essence just to become who I want to be. Sure, I’ll adopt and drop some habits, I will become better at keeping my emotions in check as I already have, but, at the end of the day, I will still be me. By the time I look back at my 16 years old self, she won’t feel like a stranger to me, she will always be a part of me.

Who would have thought that a simple evening stroll will give me such clarity!

Thank you for reading! :)

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