Historical fiction w/ Erika!

What’s up, Hive? I’m looking at the clock and it’s just after 3:00a.m. I shouldn’t be starting a blog at this point but I’m really trying to stick to this routine until it’s a habit I don’t have to think about. Speaking of routine, or lack thereof, I’m a little irritated because @caffetto kicked us out at 6:00p.m. tonight. Staffing issues, but it’s only because the owner isn’t hiring anyone. Very — very first world problem but It’s still a big pet peeve of mine as someone that grew up on the east coast where businesses open for the convenience of the customer. I was in the flow state and had to pack up, but before I did I was able to finish three new edits from a shoot I did in 2019 with a model named Erika.

I’ve been reflecting on my career lately which is why I’ve been digging into these old HD’s. I’m in my mid-forties now and with that, I think comes that stereotype of the midlife crisis. I would say I’m experiencing that, but more in an out of body experience kind of way. I’m looking back at this era. I remember being on planes constantly. I once sat next to this insane man who praised me for meeting that moment in my career; where luck and opportunity met and that I was willing to capture it even though I was a single dad going to near impossible lengths to balance both my purpose as an artist and being a dad. It seemed dramatic at the time, but I think he was right.

2018 and 2019 were probably the peak of my creativity and career. Doors were opening to new companies and clients. This would also be the year that I traveled to New Zealand and Australia for dark pinup shoots in both countries, and the people I met were the highest of calibre models which made my job so much fun. This shoot with Erika took place at Clark Gables’s estate in Pasadena, California. I hadn’t met her until she arrived at the location and we immediately found our collaborative energy. She was a nerd and loved to read, which inspired me to pull books from the library and cover her in them.

I really miss that; having that kind of inspiration. I feel like after COVID, I lost a lot of of what made my shoots so unique. Years of living and dealing with the pandemic broke a lot of my fire for life. I can try to force it, but even now, I’ve accepted that the photography part of my life is either over, or my best years are behind me. Not to be self loathing because I’m very proud of what I’ve done, but realistic that we will all have a peak and we will all come down the other side of it. I’m content to reflect on these shoots, these friendships and the years of my life that defined what I’m most known for.