There's intuition and then there's the observable events. I'm more into listening what my intuition says but then logic also dictates that my intuition is no guarantee of anything. It always ends up with the phrase "I have this gut feeling but I could be wrong" and end up suspending my judgment about anything. Just something I learned from the years being confident that I can be confidently wrong and that's more dangerous when I'm in a position with power. So until I can reproduce something with consistency like if suspected shady person does shady, checks out the cause and effect, finds an unequivocal evidence they did something shady, then I'll likely commit. But if it's just intuition alone it's hard to rationalize because at some point, you still need to explain your why to others and they can't relate to your intuition. Just some stuff I learned while trying to negotiate with the outside world when my mental space gets it but others don't.

In school I knew all the answers but would never raise my hand. I did not want any attention on me, at all, ever, none. A lot of my friends were dumbasses, and I needed to fit in. Learned a lot since then.

This was relatable. Be the class' smartest person gets you either respect or intellectually shamed, or be the bitch that answers someone else's homework and other stuff that makes it hard to just be you and free. To fit in means to do what the normal average person does and I liken the experience to figuratively cutting out your own wings to keep yourself grounded when it's not really what you were meant to be.

I don't know if this was a good change but I'm in an environment filled with smart people that casually show off how smart they are but it's not a big deal because everyone else can keep up. Like someone casually brings up how they achieved this and that, and you know they are just telling a story and not intending to brag but just retell. I can't detect insecurity or the need for validation from these people because I know their backgrounds were achievers and winning intellectual challenges were their norm. They aren't even competitive, they just discuss stuff and talk about what they did which happens to be a high bar accomplishment for normies.

I think to myself, if these people get back in the classroom, they are going to get eyes of envy and trigger the insecurities of some. Unfortunately for me, being around these people highlights my own incompetence as I ended up being a normy given how the ceiling was raised by peers. I don't feel bad about it, they deserve their place and fame, just annoyed when put in situations that highlights the gap in levels. I passed the test but the gap between my scores and theirs is damn noticeable that it still looks like I failed anyway.