People fear cockroaches, snakes, or things like those. Whilst, I find them funny or rather cute! People adore attention and unintended affection but I find them very very terrifying!
I end up loosing those precious persons at some point on the road out of this fear.
If there is any shortcomings, then this is it for me. I often failed to properly convey my emotions in words, or sometimes in actions as well. Not that I am nonchalant about the entire issue. It is just I cannot. Though to me I feel like I did my best. But then again if I did, things would have been different, right! I just one day realize when I turn back, that I have lost them in the way at some point.
The major affliction and annoyingly contradicting part is, it does not ensue once or twice! It has become so usual that I have almost become accustomed with this fluctuating emotions. Yes, almost...not cent percent yet regardless the uncountable times it has been relapsed.
And sadly enough only then, as inevitable as it is, I miss their presence so much that it hurts. When it happens once, twice... and so on, it does live a place for pondering thyself for what to do. All I can think of is "Do not receive any affection in the first place".
And as convertible fact, all relationships build some mutual expectations. And being subtle while not being able to meet the expectations is another agony. It wrack your inside like a storm living you unable to think or act properly. Eventually, my awkward helplessness is only replied with silence and coldness. And thou previously crumbled self only breaks into more of the new pieces.
I wish I could show them in literal how it means to live my life while putting up with all of those promises.
I wish could be a good liar and more fluent with my loved ones.
I wish I could be more perceivable and comprehensible as I am with the outer world.
I wish they would notice my ups and downs of my vocal cord, the harmony of my tone, the desperation behind the words.
All the contents are mine, until it's mentioned.
It’s certainly a challenge for a lot of people to do these things - you are not alone. We seem to be at a strange point on the emotional side where we express it a lot in some scenarios and not enough in others.
And most of the time "meeting enough" feels so exhausting!
I won’t even lie, my brain was all over the place whiles reading this…. For some days now, I’ve been seeing content that i can relate to which makes me think…people really are like me and this post is one of them…except that I don’t find cockroaches cute.
I think it’s okay to wish all that below…but it won’t be okay if you try being all that you’re saying and from my experience you would just end up losing yourself and becoming a pick me person… if that even exists
Indeed! However, not always we can mend to our wishes, even with our favourite persons we wish to hold onto!
I have always wondered when I make so much effort in understanding, comprehending, having patience regardless and all, why would most people do not have the same.
I wonder how they are living and keep expecting to live like that by burdening others just because others hold them dear.
It's quite sad, the ending is.
And cockroaches are truly cute if you observe them upclose 😂
Noooo!! Come on😭
They are not cute🤣
It's so hard to connect with people sometimes, and I also struggle with expressing my emotions. It's like, I want to show I care, but it doesn't always come out right. I think many of us feel this way, especially when we're younger and still figuring things out. Just know you're not alone in this, and I hope you find people who understand and appreciate you for who you are.
And, another major part in this is some express with words and others are not good with words so express with actions. However, actions are always underrated here while it should have the opposite impact actually.
Thanks 💜