Howdy Hive-peoplez. I miss you!

No REALLY... I DO!

I know what you're thinking. Maybe visit more often then, freakazoid.

Okay, you [probably] wouldn't have used the word freakazoid. The rest of that sentiment would be utterly apt though. It does feel that simple doesn't it? Rather than show up every few months, saying how I miss my friends, the community, cathartic benefits of writing, just be here a little more often, right?

Maybe. It really does feel so much more complicated than that though. Life is utterly chaotic in so many more ways than I could even begin to explain.

If I can stick around and be as consistent than I have planned in my head, I will tell you about some of the wild rides I have endured recently. Such as the amazing thing I did for my health now I am past 50 that seems to have broken me, my mind, physical health and my life and work too... In a nutshell, even though I am so proud of myself for making this huge change, it has bloody ruined me!

I would love to make time to tell you all about it, in fact, now that I think about it... I'm going to try and hold myself accountable to telling that story on Sunday... I gotta start somewhere, right?

I reached a pretty decent place in my life and actually began to embody the ethos that I talked about for so long #fitterat50than40 then so many things changed, all at once, job, life, family, health and so many other [bad] habits that I kicked to the curb or [good] ones that I adopted as new...

Overload... does not compute... system overload... shut-down imminent...

However, these are all stories for another day. The point of this post is that I am going to try and force a hard reset on my life. This may sound a tad reckless, bearing in mind what I just said, but I cannot let my life keep spinning out of control, I gotta act and quickly.

I sincerely hope I can be around Hive even a little more as I feel that writing was the only thing that grounded me for quite some time and I NEED that again.

In fact, writing should occupy a far larger place in my life going forward, not just on Hive, I need to start hitting some of the goals that have lived in my head for so long.

What I am definitely not going to do is accept the decline in key areas of life that come with age. Life does not get to inflict on me, some of the ordeals it has recently just because I have a certain number of miles on the clock.

I am genuinely unwell in a host of ways right now, but REFUSE to accept this as the 'new normal' no way, no how!!!

I am gonna kick some serious 'life ass' or die trying. I have so much to offer, live for, strive for and so much I want to achieve that I will make as many changes as I have to in order to turn things around.

I am 51 in a couple of weeks, and when that day arrives, I want to already KNOW that I am moving in a new direction. KNOW that I have turned around some of the more challenging health issues that are currently controlling me and my mental state. KNOW that I can kick down all the doors I need to in order to hit the major milestones I want to while I am still able to.

I am starting simple, arranging some space to work on my goals, planning out a regime of appointments, fact finding missions for my health and creating a regime that I am capable of following and scaling up and up and up as I build slowly but steadily.

I will settle for 1% better each week as long as it is consistent, forward moving and genuinely visible/measurable in my life.

I am sick to my stomach with starting over and starting over and starting over... I am too old for this shit! I know I am not too old to achieve great things, fulfil my dreams and have many happy, fulfilling, productive years ahead of me, but I am too old to keep starting from scratch, never getting to reap the benefit of yesterday's actions and forward momentum.

Hmmm... This turned in to a brain dump/stream of consciousness kind of post much faster than I expected. I did have a structure that I was intending to stick to but I AM writing and I will celebrate that win, and have no doubt, it IS a win!

Come to think of it, it isn't the biggest goal in my life right now BUT I want to see that Hive DOLPHIN badge besides my name here, it's been too damn long... So let's dispense with the 'maybes', you WILL see me around a LOT more, if you don't it means something has gone badly wrong in my life as I am now making it a COMMITMENT!

Life really is genuinely shitty right now but even writing this crappy post has left me feeling like I have taken a big deep breath and also taken stock. I feel a little better.

It's good to see you again friends and equally good to be seen.

It's time I turn my life from something that can only be designated 'unfulfilled potential' to something far more inspiring.

The final quarter of the year WILL be something worth writing about (and I will!) September has gotta lay the foundations for that though.

If I find I am unable to write a post in the next few days, I will visit some of those I have missed most most of all and drop by the comment section (although sometimes they take longer than a post!!!)

Thank YOU for taking the time to read my post and if you're one of those amazing people who like to hit the comments section... Then I doubly thank YOU!

Either way I want you to know that you are appreciated!

Keep taking the time to connect with each-other both here and in the 'so-called' real world and try and look after each-other, because as you already know...

I am an incredibly proud member of #TeamUK I love the global community immensely, but it is nice to have a home-team banner to add to my posts. The banner was made by the inimitable RoastMaster General himself @c0ff33a If you are an active UK member and would like to be added to the teamUK community on Discord, just let me know 😎

Most designs/photos are my own or created in Canva.