I have a thing against women empowerment. Slow down and hear me out. It's nice that some organisations (in Nigeria) and individuals want to improve the lives of others, even though it's easy to see through the whole ploy of wanting to be recognised for doing good when there's a hidden agenda (I'm thinking of a word for this, my vocabulary fails me), but it's nice. At least a few will benefit from it.
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It's usually the same old skills they come up with every time. Hairdressing, tailoring, baking, catering, soap making, and the likes. I find it very uninteresting that these are immediately thrown at women when the issue of empowerment comes up. It's giving 'homely', 'domesticated' and every other word aimed at positioning women where society wants them to be.
It is why my mother wanted me to learn baking and I had a whole day session pretending to enjoy the process because I didn't want to dampen the nice lady's enthusiasm. I liked pastries but I wasn't interested in making a vocation out of making them. I didn't want to be a world class baker no matter how many women bakers were modeled to me at the time.
There was bead making, headtie training, things I found really boring not just because I was depressed but because I genuinely found these things boring and didn't care about how much they were going to pay.
Then there was tailoring, you'd barely hear about skills acquisition without tailoring being involved. I like tailoring, but as a hobby. When I finished school and my mum signed me up for tailoring classes, she painted the picture of me being a boss fashion designer. It was all so serious and kind of draining. I went along with the seriousness but I knew I didn't want that. I just wanted it as a hobby.
Sure, I didn't know what exactly I wanted to do with myself, but I knew I didn't want the empowerment I was being offered. I have nothing against these things, I like to DIY sometimes and there's clearly a market for vocational jobs, but when it's not your thing, it's not your thing.
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It pissed me off that I was always cajoled to join these trainings just because I'm female. A woman is not a domestic robot and no, I don't have the natural longing to be homely. I'm not saying I want to be empowered on the supposed manly vocational trainings instead, I'm just very uncomfortable with the assumption that I should like these gender specific vocations.
Why am I thinking of this? I looked at the spot my sewing machine used to be and I remembered that phase of my life. I had wanted a sewing machine before I could even hold a needle properly. I was thrilled at the idea of making my own clothes and I always asked my mum to get me a sewing machine.
Years later, we were in the market, about to buy one because I had began my sewing class. I wasn't excited, my mother was pissed off and talking down on me because I didn't know much about machines. She was on about it being an investment in me and I wasn't pleased because I didn't want her money or empowerment. I didn't want to be reminded for the rest of my life how she empowered me and how I'm a disappointment for not making something out of her empowerment. I knew the dynamics of my home.
It was very convenient that this empowerment was for something I liked, but not in the capacity that was being pushed for. I lowered my shoulders and said yes to being empowered. I was grateful and at the same time sick to my stomach from the anxiety of being heaped with expectations and taking a lifelong oath of being mentally and emotionally abused.
I gave out my sewing machine a few months ago at a giveaway price. I had thought I was relocating so when the person asked, I decided to part ways with it to lessen my load. It sort of symbolised me lessening the burden of expectations that came with its purchase. My next sewing machine is going to be bought with my own money and for my own reasons.
It makes me happy seeing that women empowerment has gone beyond soap and hat making. There are a lot of digital and tech trainings geared towards women and while a number of them are for selfish interests, it's still good to know that women have other options asides the usual.
I stopped getting personal with my posts on here, but I missed it and it's therapeutic, so I'm back. Thanks for reading.
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Hehehe. When I decided to acquire a skill in Barbing, nothing I didn't hear. From how a woman should be hairdressing to how i will be pushing breast in a man's face. Funny enough, I didn't even like the skill that much, I just wanted out of the house. Mehn... E be as e be. I go dey play
But I want to know, did your breast eventually touch anyone's face? 😂
Just dey play
Omoh. Which breast first? I have mini-tangerines... so it wasn't possible. 😂
Hahaha, Nigerian women and tailoring + hairdressing na 5&6.
I had wanted to be a phone technician or generator technician then use yab finish me oo.
Na man work o, you get muscle etc.
Wo, I just rest.
I kukuma do tailoring, but I've always loved styling people so it actually went well.
Lol...at least you ended up enjoying it. That's great!
I think it will take a long time for women to completely get rid of that image of mother / housewife as the main objective in life. Luckily little by little that is changing, but it is still missing.
I'm glad to know that you want to do more things and on your own. I'm sorry to hear that you sold your sewing machine, but I agree if that brought back bad memories. If one day you decide to go back to sewing, it will be if you push and that will be even cooler :)
When I have more time for myself, I will get a new one. Until then, I'll focus on other hobbies 🙃
It’s a difficult balance because there are things that women are awesome at doing that men suck at, for the most part, and there is the opposite where women suck at things men do well. Finding what’s right for you in that mix is hard! I also think that domestic tasks are very important for both men and women to do, maybe not full time but doing these things for ourselves is important. Having two or three things you do isn’t a bad idea and one or more being something domestic would be a good balance. I know I’m working two jobs one being pretty different than the other and I love having that change up.
The pressure on expectations is indeed pretty overbearing in some scenarios. Sucks that you had that but it’s a life lesson for us at least. We can’t get enough of those life lessons!
To think I wrote about women being used as tools for poverty alleviation in one of my assessment. I didn't even remember I had written this here 😁