Hello everyone!
The thumbnail photo has nothing to do with the content of this post. I just want to remember that feeling while we were on the way to the peak of Mt. Tabayoc, the second-highest mountain in Luzon. As we inched our way to the peak, the sun rises to reveal what was hidden from us. I'll always remember that feeling associated with the rising sun as I climbed the mountains here in the Philippines. I always tell myself not to expect anything, but I'm always blown away by the scenery and the pure bliss attached to it. Never expect anything. I guess that's the key to happiness. I don't know.
But what if I did expect from anyone?
This is not a rant or a complaint. I just want to let it all out. This has been bugging me for weeks and it's always my posting habit that gets affected. It became a vicious cycle that I always end up torturing myself for all the missed opportunities.
Don't worry. I think I'll be back to posting my usual travel blogs after this. Life will carry on and we don't have a choice but to go with the flow.
As A Content Creator
Now I understand why those YouTubers had to post something that's not aligned with their "branding". I cringed at the idea before. I can't understand why a travel blog or any feel-good channel would suddenly post something like "let's talk", "what happened in the last few months" or "just to clarify some issues". I realized it was inevitable. You can't produce "positive content" all the time.
This is what I thought to be the root of my posting problem here in Hive. I wanted my content to either entertain or inform other people. This became the branding I adopted and I got afraid of posting something like this. The problem is that whenever I tried to post something good while my emotional state is in turmoil, I can't produce a single sentence that's free from the negative stuff bottled within. What started as a few days of missing a post or interacting with the people on-chain became weeks of self-loathing because of the mounting opportunity costs.
For those who consider Hive as a side hustle might be okay, but for those like me who consider this as a full-time job, this is devastating. Every single day that I'm not posting is an opportunity cost. I can't just magically fart good content either. It's against my ethos as a content creator. I don't want to post just for the sake of posting. It's always a dilemma between missing the opportunity to earn versus letting the feeling subside before posting again.
Sometimes I even questioned my past choices. What if I'm not really cut to be a content creator? What if this is just an escape from my laziness to go back to the technical stuff I've been doing before I decided to jump into a very different field? What if everything's just a result of the pandemic and I have to accept that sentiments might have subsided now that everything's going back to "normal"? These are just a few questions that I tried to answer during the sleepless nights I endured. And I still don't have concrete answers to all of them.
How many times I've considered going back to anything engineering related. There were a lot of opportunities I've turned down because of Hive. I'm not saying it is Hive's fault. It always boils down to my state of mind. I've been doing this full-time since October 2020 and I haven't looked back since. I'm always tempted to go back though because of the financial difficulties I've inflicted on myself. There's still a standing offer and all I have to do is decide if I wanted to go back to the chemical engineering field.
If you're wondering where is this going, please stop reading now because I think I'm not going anywhere in this post.
As A Friend
As a friend, when will you say that something said has gone overboard? When will you give a free pass in the name of friendship? These are the questions I tried to answer when someone made a joke that I really didn't like.
Maybe I'm just getting old that I'm now sensitive to what people say even if it's a joke? I'm usually immune to these things because I also made jokes about myself. One classmate I had in college never talked to me for months because of my joke that she said was overboard when another classmate made the same joke and she was apparently okay with it. Maybe it was just how I delivered it that made her so offended it was almost friendship over for us.
"If it's not true, why are you offended?"
I really don't know why I got so worked up by the joke when I even made a joke about it myself. Not just in the way it was delivered. I just got the ick from a certain word I really hate. I told some of my friends who made the same joke before that I really hate that word because it's too derogatory for me. I even protested when they made a joke about someone even if there are indications that it might be true to his case. I just can't stand the idea that it will be normalized and that it will just become a topic during gatherings and events. I hated it.
"Since it's your friend who made the joke, will you give a free pass"? I already did. It's okay. At least I thought it was okay. There might be no malice when the joke was made. Maybe I've just become too sensitive.
As A Gaslighter
How many times I've gaslighted myself to just sleep it off and it will be okay the next day? I don't keep tabs. Before the word gaslighting became a trend, I think I'm already gaslighting myself to death. I always tell myself that I'm being too dramatic and most of the time it works. I just rant on Twitter and then I'll be okay the next day.
That's what I did in this case. I gaslighted myself to sleep hoping that I'll be okay the next day. I was not okay and I never get used to the joke. I still couldn't accept it.
"Why not confront the person and tell everything about how you feel regarding the joke?"
I don't know, but I'm becoming less confrontational lately. I don't want to cause any more drama. Don't worry guys. Everything will go back to normal in the next post. I just needed to vent out. To those who felt that my replies in your comments became defensive or aggressive, I'm sorry. It's nothing about you. I promise I'll be more careful in containing the negativity within me.
Alright! I guess that's all. See you in the next post!
Man, containing negativity inside never works out in the long run. You need to get it out in whatever way is good for you. I´m sorry that you feel like this, it happens sometimes to sensitive people like us when too much (negative) stuff accumulates over a short period of time. Take some offline time and go out to nature, to the mountains where you love it so much. Nature heals. Oh and it´s perfectly fine to write a post like this one from time to time and there si definitely no need to be sorry about it. You will be fine mate ;)
I'm okay now. Thank you so much! I know that bottling it all up inside will not work, but I guess I'm not just emotionally tuned with myself. Like I really don't know how to react or what to react when I feel extreme emotions. I usually just brush it off and won't mind it until it became unbearable.
Speaking of nature, I'm going to hike this weekend so I'm looking forward to that. Nature heals, for sure.
Since you went by question response in your post, I do the same in this comment ;)
Why would all blogs have to be positive?
Sopcial media is already too one sided. Peeps not feeling well, posting as if they are they happiest peeps in the world. The general result from this: Much of the generation not knowing a world without social media, are getting depresed. In my country up to 70% of the age high school to mid 20s, say they experience depression. 70%! Various reasons are at play, with one of them the 'happy' mood of Facebook and Instagram.
Why do you think the above blog isn't providing relevant information to the readers?
I personally believe any kind of content can be informative to peeps. Literally any kind. Your post is for sure informative. It tells us how you are wired, what you struggle with, and what you don't like, or perhaps like. If nothing is useful as knowledge to the reader, some to more readers will for sure find comfort in your story knowing they are not alone.
Keep one bringing what you like to write about. Owwww if I may, why not pick up another job, the one that is lined up still. I would think, just relying on HIVE is quite risky. Who knows, maybe this service isn't be there anymore in a few years. Or the token value trends to zero. We don't know. And what I do know, when not working in a profession or industry for a ling time, it is hard to get back in. Anyways, please disregard this advise if you want or need to. You didn't ask for any ;)
Agree with this! I already deactivated mine and I have been living for months without Facebook and not posting on Instagram. It was hard at first, but I was eventually able to function without them. I tried deactivating Twitter, but it has a 1-month limit and they will permanently delete your account. Twitter is a different beast for me and I can be shit on Twitter without care. So kept it.
OMG! I didn't think of it this way. I guess I'm the pessimistic type. They say that everyone is a bad writer to anyone, but the opposite can also be true.
I knew from the start that it was risky, but I still fully embraced Hive and I didn't regret anything. But you're right, we don't know what the future holds. There's still a standing offer from the industry I was in and I can still go back if I wanted to. Maybe it's pride that kept me from going back. I'm seriously considering though.
I didn't ask for any advice, but this surely came at a time when I need was validation of what I felt. Thank you very much!
Sometimes it's good to listen to your gut feeling 😉
I do this often I make investment decisions. Obviously, I pump much info into my grey mass so that my gut is fed with information as well as my grey cells. Both then work in parallel. Both perhaps produce similar results, or totally different results. When diverting a lot, I think I mostly made my decision based on what my gut was telling me. But that's how my clock ticks and how I go about things. This may not be the best way for someone else. Hope you'll find ways to decide for good and have peace with the decision. Relieves for sure 😉
My dude, to be honest (and you can check) i have literally posted one time personally since last Oct. I refuse to post against my own standards of content and quality. Meanwhile, as you well know, i run two communities and curate and judge the weekly art contest for Splinterlands. All those duties to curate for OCD, up to the standards, and do all the other stuff keeps me so busy i barely get to think about my own stuff.
So, from a different angle of observation and experience, i totally relate. If i thought about the opportunity costs, or in my case loss, i would probably give up all together. But, i look at this as a full time job that will pay me later in the future.
I don't think there is anything wrong with why you got upset. It's a double-standard worth getting upset over, even if the joke wasn't that big of a deal. And, we both know, double standards abound at times. I personally think you should do what makes you happy. If your post doesn't entertain you or make you happy... then pivot and make sure it does. As a content creator, create what you like, and those like-minded will agree with your sentiment. As far as the others... well, pardon my French but...
You have my utmost respect for what you have been doing here man, seriously. You and many other curators, moderators and other members of all those amazing teams and groups that we have here on Hive. And it´s not even fulltime job for many of you. Talk about some incredible and admirable dedication and time management.
Not fulltime in pay but workload and time consumption! Thanks for taking notice and commenting. It's usually unsung heroes that make the world KEEP going round! Thanks for what you do too.
I do nothing compare to you guys. I just run my own little things, post my own little posts, try to engage and curate here and there and that´s it, still feel like I´m missing out on so much here, even though I´m actually one of those folks who do consider themselves Hive fulltimers... I cannot even imagine your workload here. I mean just moderating and curating in the Photography Lovers community, there are so many posts submitted there every single day! Honestly, I sometimes feel bad about posting something in that community because I know I´m increasing that workload for you by doing so :/ I just did it again today :/
Dude, i love your posts.... so feel free anytime. But, i know what you mean. Doing anything, like the stuff you mentioned, is better than the exploiters maximizing rewards for the least amount of effort! So, kudos to you. Keep on Keepin on.... and do yo thang browski! With no regrets.
Thanks buddy. You are right, some people only want to take and give nothing back. I have been trying to find some balance. Hive has given me a lot so I have been trying to give back too. We all should work together if we want Hive to succeed. It´s a team work. Thanks again for doing your (massive) part.
Thank you, @castleberry! I can attest to your dedication to your communities. It's an opportunity cost we are willing to pay. As long as we love what we are doing.
Your French hits the spot!
Pardon my French... Hehe. That was in a lighter mood. I understand how it is wrong to post because you don't want to miss a day, it is crazy and I don't push myself off my limit. I do what I can as I believe in quality posts.
I did mention that I love going back to read my posts.... That is because reading them makes me happy. It reminds me of my creativity and even helps set another creativity in to write something.
I was going to put a harsher gif, but it was on a lighter note. There's nothing wrong with posting every day so long as you don't compromise your quality to do so and/or shit post.
Also, it's one thing if you are a Hive user without much onchain Hive responsibility. I don't know what all you do besides your blog and social engagement, which is great to do.
But, as a multiple community manager, multiple community curator, and OCD curator on top of that... there is a much greater stress and strain, compared to the average user with no responsibility other than that of their own use and practices.
This can have a detrimental impact on one's own personal practices, and Kim's duties might be even more demanding than my own... he just won't publicize. So, i hear what you are saying... however, what Kim is dealing with is a couple echelons above you and maybe me as well. Thanks for your comment.
More French for ya
Please don't glamorize my status 😅. I'm just another guy, working in the background and I want it that way. It's not too demanding especially if you get the rhythm through the years.
Hehe... I knew it was! Truly, there is nothing wrong in posting every day as long as it is not shitty🤧. That can't even be in my posts as I would rather miss a day or two than ruin it all with a "not good post".
You do have a lot on your plate and so do I. It isn't easy, but I have to work with an alarm to remind me of my schedule which is why I always make time for Hive because I feel good here reading others' work and comments. It is one vital way for me to learn.
Yeah, I do believe we all have "that" moment in life when we just let out our emotions. I believe Kim Is in this stage though I cannot fully feel his pain, still, part of it is relatable.
Thanks for the French word Monsieur. 😁😁
😂😂😂😂. Let it go.
I know for sure that there is consistency in you for the fact that you have been in Hive since October 2020, it so happened that we all get those negative attractions at time and we cannot deny the fact that no matter how we try to do good on personal branding, there are really those days that we need to be idle for a while.
I so felt the emotions put together in this writing, not a rant, but clearly a display of emotions written from the heart, and it all make a difference. Even if you turned down Engineering, I could say that you are one of the successful people in Hive, Kim, and you are really doing very well.
Even by simply looking at the figures of your profile and all that can be seen there, a beginner like me at first glance would say a positive impression about you, not to mention that you have been loved by everyone with the figures of follows that you have.
All I could say is it is okay to be idle for a while. As for me, I call it being idle with a purpose. I hope that you will achieve all the desires of your heart. Keep going and stay motivated. You are always great and indeed so incredible.
Have a wonderful night and keep safe!
Thank you so much, @pinkchic!
I'm not really seeking validation, but I guess I am now. 😆 I'm one of the few who made it here in Hive, but it's still the same since I started blogging 5 years ago. I am still trying to maintain the level of quality in my posts. Nothing much has changed really. This is what I like about Hive. Everyone is on equal footing, may it be a beginner or an old-timer. Sure, there are exceptions, but it's sporadic.
Ohooo, boy. This hits home. To be on Hive, and to be a content creator in general, sometimes makes you forget that you're human and prone to negative emotions and experiences. It's a pain in the ass especially when you want to put your best foot forward.
I feel you. Sending hugs with consent, Kim~
It is truly a big pain. It is just sad that while we try to get our heads off the water to write something meaningful, someone is out there ready to kill it off with their tongue twisted words.
Even harder when that someone could be ourselves! Ugh.
Ouch!!! That's a big pain in one's butt. A bigger pain. Nah. Biggest
Wow! I can't believe this post resonated so much with you people. I'm just blabbering stuff though. 😄
Thank you for the hugs with consent, @arcgspy! 😆
Hi, Kim. I'm sorry you've been feeling bad these days, but I think it's okay to not be okay sometimes. Being content with everything all the time is not even healthy. It's good that you allow yourself to have this moment of download, afterward it feels so good to have let out the things that bother us. Writing has an incredible healing power (I have kept an intimate-private blog-diary for 13 years and writing has saved me from madness so many times that I think I will never abandon it).
Regarding your work as a content creator, every day I see all those compilation posts that you make and I think about all the work that must take you and surely influences your time available to write your own posts. It's quite a demanding job, and I also think it's normal to get a bit overwhelmed. I don't think you're not cut out to be a full time blogger, maybe it's just a moment of overload. When you settle in time and thoughts everything will return to normal :)
And with respect to friends, well I think that a friend is for a reason and you could tell them the things that bother you, I suppose they would understand. Sometimes it is not good to silence what we think, because small things become something big later.
Remember that everything is temporary, even the bad times. I hope that soon you can feel great again, but in the meantime you can allow yourself to continue to be bad for as long as necessary.
Greetings to you, thanks for all your work behind the scenes :) ❣️
Thank you, @lauramica! It's Okay To Not Be Okay is such a good K-drama (segway 😂), but I haven't watched it yet for some reason.
I guess I just really need to unload the heavy stuff I'm bearing. I'm okay now and thanks to all of you who resonated with this post. I don't know why it took me too long to post this.
Now that you mention it, that's right, I remember seeing it on Netflix 😅. I'm glad you're better now :)
I'll watch it because of Kim Soo Hyun oppa! 😅
Sometimes the work we do at Hive can be overwhelming and it's best to take a break, but long breaks are best avoided. After the earthquake, I decided to come back, but I found it hard at first, every day I found it harder and harder to start writing. You're one of the best writers I've seen on Hive, Kim, I enjoy reading you. You don't always have to post nice things, sometimes it's good to write some heartfelt posts.
Speaking of breaks, I haven't really taken a break from my work in Hive. I only took a break when there was no internet and I didn't have a choice. Even when I'm traveling, I'm still working here in Hive.
Wow! Thank you so much! Now it feels like I'm fishing for validation. HAHA
No, I know you haven't stopped working. I can see some of your work 😎. I was talking about your posts haha.
True. I rarely post. I want to post more often, but procrastination takes over most of the time.
Maybe you can start a challenge for yourself. How about sharing 3 posts a week? Or 2?
I did that before and it worked for a short period, but then I went back to self-loathing. HAHA
I think you have to push yourself for it. Otherwise it's very easy to stop writing. The hard thing is to keep going haha.
Man day that again! That right there is my dilemma right now. I was keep consistent and post more and keep up with the chain and all that but it can be so energy-draining (depending on the kind of person you are). In fact i was just talking about it with my friend the other day.Every post article or blog i release to this chain i want it to be of the highest standard and thats my main problem with keeping consistent.
Because quality takes a lot of effort and effort takes a lot of energy and time and also demands a good state of mind, which are all very costly to me right now. And that has affected my ability to drop more posts regularly(often) a great deal.
Some people are able to do it but it is not just in me to just write anything and post just for the sake posting.
Point is, i relate so well to that bit of your story and it makes perfect sense that it’s taking you time. It’s alright.
Ohhhh right! My mind is blown at this!!! You just cracked that!
As a not-so-a-professional content this information feels illegal knowing. 😬🫢
Glad that many people like you find my post to be that relatable. I'm okay now, but in case you still can't be consistent with posting, my advice is to go back to the reason why you are posting in the first place. It's also an advice that I'm giving to myself.
We’ll noted and thanks for the advice 😊
I can feel you. I can relate well to this. It is understandable to feel like this sometimes but standing up strong and being yourself at the end of the day is all that matters.
I don't have the energy for drama. I am passed that. If someone says what I don't like, I will have to tell them to be free, and if they arrogantly respond, I stay away. I love my peace so badly that I crave it. Anything that will disrupt it is not for me.
Being a content creator is all I am after too. Not quantity, but quality. I love to write posts I can go back to and be happy I wrote them.
I love drama, but I should not be involved. I want to see the drama unfolding, but I should be on the sidelines eating popcorn. 😅
This is some sort of poetic line I read, and it is quite funny too. Thanks for the reply.
The difficulty is that when I write on one topic, I have to stay within that topic. Hive is the freest platform in that sense. Somewhere on YouTube or on a regular blogging platform, we are obliged to stay within our image, no exceptions. It's like if you get a job as a baker, you can't work as a turner for a couple of days for a change. I don't know what to do when I'm completely preoccupied with thinking about something else and my state of mind is out of balance. I don't have an answer to that question. Communicating with nature always helps - but that's the answer you know!
It's true that Hive is the freest platform of all. We can just post anything we want. But our self-image and branding sometimes prevail. I sometimes forget that I am my own brand.
Hi Madi, it's not always sunshine in every aspect of life. There's a gulong ng palad as they say. There are times where everything is amazing, happy, but there are times of being unmotivated, frustrated, and down. It's completely normal. Don't be too hard on yourself. Take a break and just enjoy the process! Tara laag hahah
I'm okay now, madi! HAHA. Asa naman sad ang laag? Murag puyo sa jud ko ron kay tigom pa.
As a travel blogger who owns a blog and started blogging in 2013, I only have 2,400 likes or followers on my FB page. It's not always rainbows and butterflies on my FB page. In those years, personal problems arose. My father died in 2015 while I was in Malaysia and my mother got cancer when I was in Taiwan. I got into depression. Stopped working with my online job. I lived in Palawan for 2 years coz I couldn't handle the negativity at home. While other travel bloggers got 5k or 10k followers, I stay 2k followers. I told myself not to compete with others and stay focused on myself.
I never glamorized my life as a travel blogger, I am not a popular travel blogger. I also never update my love life on social media while traveling because I don't want it to get jinxed. Like one day, you were so lovey-dovey with this person, got married, and the next thing happened, nag break up, nag divorced na diay.
It's ok to keep something personal to myself and it's also ok not to be okay. It's ok not to post every day on my FB page.
Ayaw lang kaguol og dli ka post everyday. Don't stress. Focus on yourself and everything will be ok.
I never had a blog before Steem/Hive. I always felt that the competition for an audience on FB and other platforms is too much for me.
Thank you so much! Okay na bitaw ko. Makagaan sa pamati na daghan nakarelate sa post.
Bitaw, grabeh man ang competition sa FB and other platforms. Di lang jud magpada.
Instead of lets talk kay lets hike nalang na ang mga yango2x sa kinabuhi kim 😄
Ambot oi. Gikapoy naman ko hike. Camp nasad ta na!
Nganong karon rako kabasa ani? Hehe. Anyways, wala tayong words of wisdom for today's comment coz I know that's not what you need madii. Just air those frustrations out. I trust that you know how to deal with them — with grace or total awkwardness. Who cares? ☺️😁 E diehike ta na!
Kumusta ang diehike madi? Pan-os na kaayo akong replies ba. HAHA
You know that any time you need to let off some steam this community here is waiting in the wings for ya!
I hear you on being able to branch out and do different things. I was focusing a lot of my content on DIY and things related to that for a really long time but eventually you get burned out on it a little bit. Then you procrastinate a post and it becomes a vicious cycle. I’ve since gotten past that by just posting what I come up with in my head and associate it with a bunch of the pictures that we take on a daily and weekly basis. It seems to have worked out well enough! It is hard though when people are expecting a specific kind of content from you and then you change things up. It’s some pressure! What’s good is to just release that pressure and let it go! Post about mostly the fun stuff but also drop these cathartic posts as well!
OMG! Thank you so much! It's good to have a community where you can just let it all out. I'm really afraid of being vulnerable, but it's good to know that there are communities where you are accepted.
I think this is one of the best features of communities. I mean you can be fun and light in one community and be cathartic and heavy in another.
Again, thank you!