Pet loss - heart wrenching grief

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I wish I was coming on here to give advice about how to deal with the grief after losing a pet.
I'm afraid I have no idea - and I am lost too!
God it is lonely once they're gone. Maybe the only thing holding me together is looking back
at the amazing memories. Flow was such an amazing dog. Being a single mother and having Flow around, just someone else there - meant everything to me. I never felt fully alone. And my daughter always had a friend too.
Maybe you wont get the same feeling watching these videos but Flow deserves a spot on the blockchain where she'll be forever.

I am having withdrawls from her being that constant comfort every single day. I wish I got videos of her towards the end.
I have cried for at least the last 6 months knowing she'll be gone soon - anticapatory grief they call it.
I had hoped crying so much before she left would make it easier when she's gone. but no - I feel worse.
Heart ripped to pieces worse.

Last week Flow had a burst of energy and we had a beautiful day at a few beaches. I now realize that was what they call a "Death rally" that final burst of energy when they've finally given in.

I find comfort in signs - I know not everyone believes in signs. But each afternoon I have been
finding myself sitting outside on our deck - not long before the sun starts going down and is just peaking through the trees.
I've been using this time to just sit, and cry.
Last night after a day of cloud the sun broke through the trees strongly and I spotted a feather on the deck at the spot she would normally get herself up from the grass . It was a Tui feather ( A native New Zealand bird), we've found a few before but unlike the
others this one had a white tip on the end. Flow's tail had a white tip.

https://imgur.com/a/dbpFRVY

So there it is, I find solace in the signs when the rest of me is being churned; a constant motion with
no place to call home.

Are you going through the same thing? HUGS!!!

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