Hive has no chill. Did I just win a ticket to HiveFest?!

Wow, Hive has no chill! First Hiddenblades job to Paris, now HiveFest?!

As I was working on my photographs from Paris and was trying to fix my Wacom Tablet, I was in the midst of a conversation with customer support as there was something wrong, I got a ping from @acidyo telling me I won a ticket to HiveFest. Like, wtf is going on right now? The capacity of dopamine in my brain is overloaded as if it is trying to catch up and forgot how to stop. Seriously, I couldn't think for a few minutes and was a bit glitchin' and bitching'.

Making my way to Dymph and my friends to express myself. Sorry for spemm.

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Something is HODLing me back

I want to go to HiveFest. I really do. Yet, some things are holding me back. For instance, I haven't been exactly social for the last couple of months, nor did I take care of myself (because yeah, why would you do this for yourself, right). And righttt there, imposter syndrome is popping up my sleeve, saying its greetings. This is due to personal matters that you might have read if you follow @lackofcolor on her blog, or in my blog posts where I try to be as discrete and subtle as I can regarding @lackofcolor her illness. This gives me a bit of social anxiety, not that I'm not social whenever I go somewhere, but only the thought of going somewhere I want to go to while I'm not 'at my best', can be quite a dumb fictionary troublemaker.

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What are the odds?

I shouldn't care much about this, because I know I would be normal (define normal, because, jokes on you), fun, and social. Throughout my life, I had a bad habit of not being able to accept compliments or gifts. Kind of ironic, as I learned how to deal with compliments on Hive as people often responded positively whenever I shared some of my photographs. I joined Hive when I was dealing with depression and perfectionism. I really should start to accept things that are coming my way. Truth is, this last year, "my" life was all about taking care of a situation no one really wants to be in if they had a choice. But I do. And I kind of mentally prepared myself for a long run before a home run. This would include me taking some personal sacrifices, and that it most probably was going to be a bumpy ride, for as long as the ride would go. It's no biggie for me, it is a no-brainer to support someone you love. Besides, it is absolutely free.

But as a result of this 'habit', I naturally responded as if I didn't deserve the ticket, and should give it to someone who deserves it more than me. But fuck no. Not this time. Karma. It may be an ugly thing to stand up and tell yourself that you deserve something. But is it really ugly? Or can it be challenging for someone who has difficulties? I wish my brain didn't fuck me over all these times and just embrace the way how I (truly) am. Complicated, right? Overthinking? Yep.

But, some things just happen. Never did I expect to go to Paris this year, and I did not expect to win a ticket to HiveFest. When entering the contest, the only thing I thought was; let's try, and let the universe decide. Yapp, I know it sounds so cliché. Because, what are the odds... right? Well, fuck you universe, nah, love you too universe. I just finished my monthly report and started with the following sentence "I can feel things are going to change for the better", which I wrote halfway through August, and before Paris. That's some powerful manifestation.

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I love you Hive. Really.

Having said and shared all of that, it is you guys who were poking me around, asking if I would go to HiveFest, telling me to go to HiveFest, to take care of myself, or that I could use a holiday of my own. I'm just gonna tag you. @celestal, @anmitsu, @karinxxl, @gtg, @trucklife-fam, @hiddenblade. I kind of tried to ignore it 6 times, or maybe more. Oh well, 7 times if you count @lackofcolor's "You should go" since I mentioned HiveFest for the first time this year. And really, I feel like these aren't just "odds", but signs for me to pack my bags and go to HiveFest next week. I can finally take a new portrait of @celestal and my friends that I can finally meet (I heard @anmitsu will be in Amsterdam and she's bringing @elliot-gardner with her, I'm gonna slap you both if we're not going to meet up, even though they won't be attending HiveFest.

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How am I gonna survive HiveFest?

Well... as soon as it got through my head that I had to do some serious planning, the first person I asked was my friend @Raz0ulPlaysGames, who I, surprise surprise, onboarded on Hive recently, to ask if I could stay at his place during the event. But, he probably was sleeping or working, or both at the same time. But this morning I got a text... and WELL, SEEMS LIKE ITS LEGIT. While he has a day off on Friday, we have to plan to chill together since HiveFest has its first full agenda on that day. Oh man, I'm so pumped and grateful for HiveFest and Raoul. I'm going to get him something for his Live stream on Twitch, and some beers for his roomies as a thank you.

And... maybeee... @lackofcolor is going to come on the last day, so she -maybe- can and will meet some Hivers as well...

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If you spot me, don't be afraid

While I usually am a lone cat, and I'm probably mostly shifting and drifting in my own world. It is perfectly safe to tap me on my shoulder to say hello. But prepare yourself for random social awkward conversations as I'm much better with words on paper than words coming through my mouth (when I'm excited lol).

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If I spot you, should I be afraid?

I probably will bring my camera with me. How surprising huh? So... if I spot you, and I like what I see, can I snapshot you? Let me know in the comments (and please let me know if I can't), I highly appreciate someone's privacy (and anonymity), but everyone likes a good spontaneous picture of themselves, right?

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WHO'S GONNA GO TO HIVEFEST?!!

Let me know if you're going! @Celestal, @karinxxl, @howo, @elliot-gardner, @anmitsu, we gonna drink a beer! Maybe I'll see @gtg, , @raz0ulplaysgames wants to tag along. Who else?

At last, I want to thank Roeland for hosting this event and the many partners -AND- people who donated to HiveFest.

Cheers,
Ruben