Getting Ready For My Dialysis And I Am Always Terrified To Go Out From My Bed Because Of My Joints

My Back, It Kills Me

I am not amused at my back, just a little time sitting up is very uncomfortable and it feels like it will snap one of these days. I can never imagine that scenario and that certainly be my end for sure and I guess if I am not dead by then I will just continue to blog. Writing is my way to get out from thinking negatively about my life and my future so I am just doing what I am loving to do even though I feel like I will going to die.

I just remembered that it will be my 18th anniversary of being a dialysis patient and it was just like last month where I am still able to walk and move around even though I am feeling shit all the time because of the mediocre dialysis session that I am getting plus the fact that I have no insurance which meant that we are paying out of pocket and of course that 6 times dialysis per month really is what I do not even want to even think again.

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I Can Never Endure A Weekly Dialysis Again With My Current Condition Now

I also had experienced having a one time dialysis per week, that really is one of my lowest point. At dialysis time I couldn't hardly move my body as if it was a stiff cadaver already. And oh! that intense urea breath too that I have to endure until the relief of dialysis comes again.

I also had spent my way to my seventh day dialysis session just staying in bed and enduring the toxins and water in my body because after maybe the fifth day you are just as stiff and stuffed like a balloon with no more energy to spend. At that time I can still load up to 7 kilos which the nurses are able to take out but with an intense price of severe cramps. When I get those cramps I simply "control" them with a counter force. I do not complain lest my dialysis quality will get affected.

I Wonder How I Would Feel Without Anymore Burdens In This Lifetime Of Mine

I only had a better dialysis because of my use of the so-called "highflux" dialyzer which is quite more efficient in cleaning out the blood. So that is why I do have a relatively better dialysis today than when I was just starting but still I have to bargain with my nurses in order for me to get a decent dialysis session. So it is still hard for me no matter where I go there is something there to make my life as hard as possible.

Now I just have to contend with all of these current conditions that I have which makes my life really miserable. I fo only I could turn the switch just like that I would have done it already just to save myself and the people around me the hassle and hard time in dealing with me. So I pray to God that he would bless the people that prayed and showed their love and support because it saved me many times over and their good deeds have to be repaid in one form or another.

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