When Life Gets So Busy That You Cannot Breathe

It has been a week or so since I had time for myself, time to sit down and breathe. Life is a funny thing when you do not even have time for yourself. Sometimes life just gets so busy that you cannot even breathe. In my home language of Afrikaans, we have a saying:

"Ledigheid is die duiwel se oorkussing."

I think the English version of this proverb is something like "the Devil finds work for idle hands". And it basically means the same thing. To keep yourself from doing bad things, keep yourself busy (unless you busy yourself with bad things!). Either way, my life has been so busy the last couple of weeks actually that I have slowly started to burn myself out.

Like the sun setting, metaphorically setting the sky alight, my own hands light the fire to set ablaze the kindle to burn majestically like the sun.

Balancing work-life and personal-life and then also self-love is not an easy task. My younger brother is going on the same track as my dad: they both are workaholics. I vouched never to fall into this trap. But with my Ph.D. getting behind, my marking schedule falling even further behind, and my preparations for classes I need to help with, I have no idea where time is going.

In my personal life, I have made some important changes (for the good), but this takes so much time as well. I love to spend time with these people and to put loads of effort into the relationships. But this takes so much time. It feels like every spare minute goes into this. Maybe this functions as a type of self-love: to build relationships is after all not solely for the other and not solely for yourself, but a mutual building and effort.

I try to breathe. But it just feels so heavy.

It is good to stay busy, it is good to actively work on becoming a better person for yourself and others.

But this takes so much time and effort.

And this is probably the crux of my current situation:

I am busy transforming and this transformation is taking me out of the comfort zones I have been stuck in for so long.

Change is as good as a holiday, they say.

I have so many projects that are happening at the same time. It is funny how life sometimes throws everything at you at once. I have an article that needs to be done by the middle of April, I have golf competitions I need to play in throughout the last couple of weekends in March and April. I still need to mark essays of students in the module I am helping with. I need to do research for my Ph.D. and the deadlines that come along with it. I am flying to see someone in three months' time. My brother is coming to visit in three weeks. It feels like everything is happening now.

But life is beautiful. In the crazy and sometimes chaotic struggle to breathe we see the beauty of our marching forward. Or, I try to see it like this.

We went to a wedding this weekend. It was a vacation day in South Africa. I had some time to breathe. I can stand up and breathe, but the shadow of tomorrow looms. However, I know that I am strong enough to stand up straight.

On this mini road trip to the wedding, I again reminded myself that I need to appreciate the small things in life. The taste of a favorite pie, the soothing cold of an ice cream on a hot day, the taste of wine whilst the sun sets. Life is crazy, and with everything happening in the world I think if you have the opportunity to slow down and taste your favorite food or drink your favorite drink, you need to do it as soon as possible. Life is short, but oh my it is a fun ride.

"Thank you for listening to my Ted talk." I just needed to write something with little value. Not that Ted talks have little value, not at all. Sometimes you just need to verbally barf to get the sick out of your body. This has not been a particularly insightful piece. Maybe I should end off with a quasi-philosophical aphorism:

Time only truly moves when we are having a good time. Time only truly slows down when we look in the eyes of a loved one. Time is a funny thing. When it runs out we think about how short it is.

All of the photographs were taken with my iPhone. The musings are my own, albeit somewhat under the influence of my wine. Life is too short for bad food and bad drink, so let us enjoy the sensations but not in a gluttonous manner. Stay safe, and enjoy what you have in front of you.