There’s a certain magic to these words. The doctor will see you now. The emphasis being on “see you”. Somebody will see you. There are many people who will go to the doctor just for this. Of course, in their mind they have a legitimate concern for seeking medical attention, but the real reason is that they need someone to acknowledge them and offer a minimum of compassion. Once you’re in a doctor’s office you get the feeling that your life matters to someone, the feeling that you matter. (I guess this is one of the reasons the whole Covid thing worked so well. Suddenly, even the unhappiest of people were told their lives matter and are worth protecting at any cost.)
I’m not talking about people suffering from Munchausen syndrome, whose underlying motivation in faking illness is getting sympathy and attention. I’m talking about normal people, just like you and me, who develop a habit of going to the doctor for more or less imaginary problems. In most cases, we’re talking about psychosomatic conditions which would need a visit to a therapist rather than a regular physician.
A few days ago, a friend of mine sent me some cool pictures of the public library in Boston. As she lives some two-hours outside of Boston I asked what was the occasion for the visit. The answer that came back should not have been a surprise - “I had two doctor’s appointments and we thought to kill some time at the library”. I do try to show support whenever I can, but when it comes to medical appointments I’ve given up. Every month there are other doctors and other problems that need attention, and I'm talking about overall healthy people.
I really cannot understand people who spend their lives seeing doctors, having a complete blood work for no particular reason or undergoing various tests, some of them quite costly. There is no contradicting such people or, God forbid, questioning this constant need for medical attention. The only thing you can say is “I’m so sorry to hear that”, particularly when they describe to you the side-effects of certain meds they “must” take.
Why is it that some people will even go to the dentist and endure horrendous procedures just to get attention? Do such people lack meaningful relationships in their lives? Not necessarily. My friend near Boston is happily married and has three children. Or at least that’s how she would present herself to the world. My theory is that what such people lack is a meaningful relationship with themselves, with their psyche. If you feel nobody sees you it’s because you are not in touch with yourself and do not acknowledge your inner needs. You don't see yourself, you don’t value yourself enough, therefore you’ll look for someone to give you the consideration that’s missing in your life.
The other day I was talking to a friend who was complaining she felt exhausted by the home renovation project she’s involved in. I was going to suggest she should make the most of the weekend, rest, relax, etc. Then I realized there’s no point in doing that. Not her style. I wasn’t surprised when she told me last night she went to the dentist and is starting a complex treatment. That’s her idea of making time for herself and putting her needs first. Costly, painful, and probably unnecessary.
What these people lack is what psychologists refer to as a healthy self-regulating system. Most of us know how to self-regulate. After a long day at work, one can acknowledge their needs with some me time of their choosing. Some would favor a long hot bath, others would curl up in bed with a good book or listen to their favorite artist. For instance, I have a friend who’s fortunate enough to live close to the beach and she goes for a walk and a little unwind as often as possible. Not surprisingly, she doesn’t seem to be plagued by illnesses.
Unfortunately, for many people taking some me time is not an option. Once you allow yourself to feel good and do something you enjoy, for a change, it’s hard to play the victim and elicit whatever pity you can get. Even if you have friends like me who are tired of this game and won’t extend the compassion you’re looking for, you can still wallow in self-pity. Best of all, you don’t have to confront your real problems, like getting old, wondering what to do with the rest of your life once you’ve quit your job or your children are leaving home, or asking yourself what would give meaning to your life. These are hard questions and you might not like the answer. Why go there? It’s so much easier to focus on that ache in your wrist. You should definitely see a doctor about that, have some X-rays at least and wear a fancy support brace for a couple of weeks. Until you forget about the wrist and schedule an appointment with a heart specialist. (I’m not even making this up!)
Am I the only one to have such friends? I’m not going to ask how one can help them see their real problems lie elsewhere. You can’t.
I have so much to say about this!!!
I firmly believe that the best way to live a long and healthy life is to stay away from doctors, beginning at birth, as much as possible. If you get hit by a car, OK go to the ER. Otherwise, a human body has all the healing capabilities a person will need, provided they avoid toxins, such as pharmaceuticals, vaccines, junk food and that like.
Most symptoms are the body's healing mechanism working. If you try to ameliorate those symptoms by taking toxins (tylenol for a fever for instance) you are simply harming yourself. Twice really: stopping the fever is interfering with a healing response, and taking tylenol is poisoning yourself. Many symptoms are detox at work: rashes, for instance. Let yourself have that rash, and watch it go away much more quickly. Keep it clean and dry. Use essential oils sparingly, greatly diluted (because those can be dangerous too!) if you are miserable, or oatmeal baths.
Because we have been vaccinating ourselves for 200 years, and pumping pharmaceuticals into our bodies too, most of us are actually ill because we've been poisoned!
Illness has been normalized. Health should be the norm. As it is, we are encouraged to fear that there could be, if not probably is, something terribly wrong with us, so we go to doctors to have sadistic, toxic and dangerous diagnostic tests done regularly. Stay away from all of these. Know that if you eat well, live well, drink pure water, and convince yourself you are well, you have a much greater chance of being well!
Stay away from those quacks. They are making you sick, they are wasting your time, they are making you poorer. I'm 68, and haven't been to a doctor, for any reason, in many years. Perfectly healthy, no symptoms whatsoever. No headaches, no indigestion, no dizziness, no toothaches, none of the things we are now being told are perfectly normal, but let's pour in some toxins to make you feel better anyway. I take very little. I get sick too, with what I used to think were viruses, but now I know are simply my healthy body detoxifying, functioning properly. Actually, I know believe that people who say "I never get sick" are not healthy, and if I do ask them what pharmaceuticals they are on, they are usually taking at least one.
Don't even get me started on dentistry.
I read somewhere recently that most of us spend nearly half of our lives on a prescribed medication. This alone should alert us to the possibility that our medical system is making us sick.
Oh, I stay away from doctors... in the past 15 years I called a doctor only once, and it was an emergency. No one in my family believes in doctors. Even during the pandemic when an older relative fell ill her daughters treated her with normal flu remedies at home rather than taking her to the hospital where so many people died.
I do take aspirin and that only because I'm a psychosomatic type and my inner voice insists it will protect me from various problems.
No need at all. If I have a problem I trust sodium bicarbonate to solve it!
Thank you so much for your words. It's so nice to see there are other people who think modern medicine is a plague rather than a remedy.
Funny you should write about this. An old friend of ours recently stopped by to tell us he was having elective heart surgery.
Elective. Heart. Surgery.
Apparently he has some genetic condition which he shares with his mother that effects the heart valves, and if he had a procedure done now it could reduce the odds of having serious problems later, &ct., &ct. He'd called to ask if we could run a couple errands for him while he was recovering, which would take weeks.
I wanted to tell him he was nuts -- especially after watching the medical system fail my own mother so badly. Buy he seemed oddly excited about it all. "I like watching smart people do interesting work," he said. So I let it go. This was a guy who didn't leave the house for years during the pandemic, and wiped down his groceries with hand sanitizer. I never told him that I wasn't vaccinated!
So nice to hear from you!
These people don't understand how the medical system works. Of course, they'll tell you need this or that surgery or at least some treatment. They buy it every single time!
My friend near Boston spent a whole year hiding at home until they rolled out the vaccine. Sadly, her three kids were also imprisoned and, from what I hear, now they're questioning that decision and accusing their mother of being selfish...
When my mother was 80 she had a health scare and the doctor told me she needs heart surgery. I already knew my Mom would say no, so I refused. Probably sounded like a very bad daughter, but there was no way I'd agree with a risky procedure on a frail patient. She lived 10 more years after that....
It sounds like you made the right decision for your mother!
I'm reminded of the part in the Terry Pratchett book where Sam Vimes sends for a veterinarian to cure the poisoned Lord Vetinari. Someone says, "Why don't you call a regular doctor," and he says, "because I want the patient to live!"
Sir Terry never disappoints!
Initially I was thinking Munchausen as we had a lady at work who was tagged with Munchausen by proxy. She kept causing her daughter to become ill, then take her to the emergency room. This woman was otherwise smart and likeable, but she lost her child due to the syndrome.
I do know a few friends who behave as you describe and it simultaneously makes me angry and breaks my heart. You just want to shake them to make them realize, but as you say, you can't make them see any different.
Fortunately, I've only encountered Munchausen by proxy in the movies. Those people are really messed up...
Like most stuff in the movies, most of these accusations are false. If anyone has Munchhausen's by proxy, it will be the doctor entrusted with the child's "care." They love to blame the mother when their remedies fail.
That is the new diagnosis of choice. Doctors love to diagnose people with that, but they are almost always wrong. Any mother who knows a lot about their child's illness, and what mother would not want to know a lot, are diagnosed with that nonsense regularly. I have been accused of the same. I feel sorry for her, and especially for the child, who is probably is much more sick now than she was under her loving mother's care.