Hi, I hope you are fine, you are God's most valuable creation in front of God, the servants are all the same, but the difference is the destiny of each person's life path.

Thank you for sharing a very extraordinary experience, just feel what you feel I really think you are very strong and able to go through everything yourself with various problems that come repeatedly you can still describe the contents of your feelings well into your writing, I see when you are sad it's better if you have to shed that sadness through writing like this or with exercise because bad energy will all come out.

Mental health is important, you who understand yourself, you should also meditate, for example to a place you like so that you are calm to get rid of anxiety and stress that hit. I know your burden is very heavy but you are God's choice because a strong person must have a lot of trials so I think you should not forget to worship and leave God.

I'm so sorry I don't know or lecture you but I feel sick and feel the energy you wrote, you deserve to be happy. hopefully all there is a beautiful way out and you will be released from that heavy burden Aamiin.