For a relationship to be healthy and to thrive; be it personal relationship, family, professional, friendship, etc, there is a requirement for respect, communication, and understanding. A very important way to maintain a healthy relationship is by setting boundaries. Just to let you know; there are limits to what you can welcome, and not "everything goes." There should be something that will define to others what you can accept and what you cannot. This is to protect your mental health, emotions, and even physical health too, by making others to know their limits, expectations, and their role.
A friend of mine once told me how his girlfriend used to peruse through his phone each time they are together. It became so much that she would even pick his calls, even against his own will. This kept happening until one day, she picked an official call from his boss and not just that, her manner of approach was not too cool. The truth is that, he was not comfortable with her perusing his phone, but he never communicated it with her and she felt it was normal. If he had set those boundaries, he would have prevented the latter from happening. Trust me, it is your life and you should take responsibility for what affects you directly.
More often than not, a lot of people struggle with setting boundaries because of the fear of being misunderstood, rejection, or they feel it can bring conflict. But what they do not understand is that not setting the boundary can actually lead to resentment, emotional stress, and frustration. When you do not make people to understand what they can do and not, they may do anything they want and you will end up being hurt, and may even cost you the relationship. Without having boundaries, people may have the propensity to take advantage of your kindness, personality, and even disrespect you knowingly or unknowingly, which can harm the relationship.
It is worthy to note that setting boundaries does not mean building high walls around yourself to shut people out. Rather, it is more about creating a healthy space that is built on mutual respect. It gives you the platform to express your feelings, expectations, and what you need in the relationship, while also respecting the needs from the other person. Of course, you can only expect people to respect your boundaries when you have also respected their own. People might not know that you will not like or permit certain things until you have defined what you can permit. For example; they may not know that you do not like to be called late at night. And they will be calling you without knowing that it does not sit well with you. But if you tell them, they will not do it and the relationship will be strengthened.
There are things about boundaries that you need to understand. Firstly, communication is very important in the establishment of boundaries. If you do not communicate your preferences and your needs, how will they know it? You cannot assume that people will know what you want or do not want until you have told them. When telling them, you also need to be clear and void of ambiguity and vagueness. You cannot blame someone for not understanding what you have not explained well to them. More so, if they understand you well, it will be easier for them to respect your needs and your preferences.
While setting boundaries, you also need to work on your self value, and become more self-aware. Also respect your own boundaries. If you use your treasured plate to pack trash, others will also do the same to it. So value yourself and abide by your own boundaries. Then also try to abide by the boundaries that are set by others. As your own is important to you is the same way their own is important to them, and you need to respect that. Also have in mind that boundaries are not static but can change with time and can also be updated. So as you go, also observe when you need to update on your boundaries - maybe dropping old ones, setting new ones, or adjusting the ones that you had set initially.
Thanks for reading
