I live in Florida right next to the ocean and I've never been a beach person until now. There's nothing like swimming in the crystal blue water and the feeling of five-foot waves crashing over your head.
Today is a sad day for me as my Nana left the earth last night to visit a better place. She lived a long and healthy life up until a few years ago when she had to go to a nursing home. She never liked it there, and I really couldn't blame her as it wasn't her home and her husband had passed years before her.
My Nana was a stubborn gal that was very honest when she spoke to you. Alongside this, if she didn't like or understand what you had to say she often would just smile. I remember growing up with my grandmother very vividly as she lived by the ocean most of her adult life in Hull Massachusetts across the street from Nantasket Beach.
One time my sisters and I walked to the beach with my Nana to feed the seagulls. We got to the beach and flung bread towards the hundreds of seagulls swarming around the sand. As my sisters and I threw bread, my Nana just watched us and looked at us contently. She loved her grandchildren, and she had quite a few under her wing. Often times she would spend time with each set of children during the weekends and always had time to play with us and my cousins.
“For every season that has passed, I laid my body o’er the side, A shining light in darkness deep, I prayed a prayer into the tide...How can I answer questions I’ve known? A song I heard the ocean sing, A shining light in darkness deep”— Phish
One night I stayed at my Nanas by myself to sleep over as my parents had plans that weekend. I slept in my Aunt Trisha's room who still lived with my grandmother at the time, and I would always play with her belongings. That night I had turned on her contact lens cleaner and felt I had done something very wrong as the machine started making a funny noise. I ran downstairs right away to tell my Nana. Expecting her to be mad at me I was surprised that she was smiling. She was so happy that I was honest about what I had done and kissed me all over my cheeks. I felt much better and knew my Nana had a special place for me in her heart.
Years had passed as I grew older and I always managed to find time to visit my Nana and Papa. I would go over to the house when there was lots of snow and shovel out the entire driveway. My grandparents were thrilled that I had come over out of the blue to help them with the large amounts of snow. It made me feel warm inside to see my Nana and Papa smile and appreciate what I had done. My Nana said, “Jamie you are a good grandson.” And I was always proud that she and my grandfather had felt that way.
During the end of my Nana's life, I hadn't been able to visit as much as I would've liked to. It was hard for me as I was very busy with my own two children and honestly it gave me great sorrow to visit her in a nursing home. I spent many years visiting my other Nana in a home, and when she passed, I felt it was for the best. I felt my Nana's passing yesterday was also a blessing.
“All throughout I gaze and glimpse you, loving never did convince you, I see you when you're all alone, It's like a person, I've not known, The moment ends though I feel winds, Blowing differently then ever before, And they're pushing me further from shore, The moment ends though I feel winds”— Phish
Today I went swimming and brought my two children to the ocean and my wife told my sons we had something to tell them. Before the words came out of her mouth my son said “Great Nana is gone” and he knew right away that it had happened. It amazed me how insightful he was and how he handled it at age seven. He gave me a big hug and said: “Dad I'm sorry.”
As I swam in the ocean by myself, all I could think of was my Nana and our wonderful times by the ocean. The sunlight had made the waves look like diamonds splashing across the crystal blue surroundings. She had left her body, but her spirit still existed within my life, my sister's lives, my cousins and all of her nine children she brought to the world. Some of those children and her husband had passed before her, and now she is with them.
“And when you feel your life ain't worth living, You've got to stand up and take a look around
You look way up to the sky, yeah, And when your deepest thoughts are broken, Keep on dreaming boy, 'cause when you stop dreamin' it's time to die.” — Blind Melon
We are all swimming in this oceanic world, and there are many waves in our souls making us feel anxious, free, angry, sad, joyous, and loving. May you rest in peace Nana, I love you, and this is how I express how I feel these days; through written word. Someday as your life painted many memories, my stories will be heard across the ocean waves and eventually washed up on the shore.
Jamie Redman is a journalist at Bitcoin.com and graphic artist at Crypto-Graphics.com. He has written hundreds of articles about decentralized technologies, peer-to-peer applications, and open source code. You can also follow him on Twitter @Jamiecrypto
I can really relate to your story. My grandmother was in a home and because of the other family responsibilities I wasn't able to visit as much. She passed away and to this day every now and then she pops in my mind. She's always there.
Don't have any words to say. Our grandfathers and grandmothers take a special places in our lives...