POEM: Exploration

Sadly I don't have time today to write a full post, so I figured I'd share with you a poem I wrote during my Poetry Slam days.

Exploration

One and a half inches of stainless steel
A needle to break flesh
20 milliliters of estradiol valerate
rush into a body I’m still trying to love
Every two weeks an alarm goes off
to remind me to bleed
to remind me I’m human
to remind me
I’m something in between
This body sits on a border of binary ideas of gender
I am a boy with out testicals
A Woman without a vagina
Relationships are just a flash in the pan
For them…
to learn new things
For me…
pretending that I could be loved
You can’t possibly know what forever loneliness feels like
unless you fall into the land of oddity
to realize you are not to be loved
but only to be curious about
Sideshow carnival barkers
directing the sexually curious to your bed

You want to know why I love so freely
In reality it’s only a distraction
hoping you will forget what is between these legs
We can fuck if you want to
Use me to earn your badge
so you can tell your next lover
the one you might settle down with
that you… are openminded
Because I already understand
I am not one to bring home to father
It’s not practical to tell people you’re in love with a “tranny”
If you are just seeking sexual adventure
Use me as your bungee cord
but I cannot guarantee I’ll keep bouncing back
If you are just seeking answers
place me under your microscope
be fascinated
be happy with yourself for learning new things
But I am not a thing
not something to explore
not something to do because it’s different
I’m human

Your skill of trickery astounds me
The wonder in your eyes was not... love
I was nothing more than this thing
willing to let you have my body
this wonderfully twisted body
this borderline of gender
a bisexual paradise
that is only to be visited from time to time.
-Lindsay Stone

-dj FUGLY
Electronic Music Producer
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